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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I’m starting to dread waking up and having a full day with my children

56 replies

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 06/05/2020 08:07

Morning

I’m sure I’m not alone in this but pathetically reaching out for solidarity.

I work 3 days a week from home and I’m knackered after that. The other 4 days I have a decent and able DH who leads on the parenting and other stuff.

I’m dreading the days I’m not working atm as I’m less and less able to manage my children - who are actually handling this all very well but a mom stop chattering 4 yo, a bitey 2 year old and a nearly 1 year old who’s starting to walk and smashing her face off things is starting to make me not want to get up in the morning and face the day and then anymore.

We are in Scotland where in all probability it’s likely childcare providers will be closed for as long as possible and whilst I don’t know what to believe anymore I feel so absolutely mentally dead I’m there but not there IYSWIM.

I don’t know why I’m writing this, I’m struggling and wish I could just find ways to run the days down. I know they’re not this age forever and wishing time away is bad but I don’t care anymore.

OP posts:

Bigbuurrrd · 06/05/2020 08:14

I very rarely comment, so coming out of lurkdom for this.
I feel you, seriously. And I only have a 4yo to deal with, but it is so hard some days. I'm trying to be more relaxed with some things because he's obviously frustrated. We go out for a walk for an hour or 2 most days, makes alot of difference for us. Are you managing to get out with the kids much?
Just wanted to share my solidarity with you really.

RickOShay · 06/05/2020 08:18

That sounds tough. It’s ok. When mine where small I used to be jealous of mumsnetters who had older kids Now they are big I look back mistily of course, because life is a fucker like that.
So you need a bit of back up. If no one around to do that, try really really lowering your expectations. Nothing bad will happen if you do this, the world will still turn. And always be kind to yourself, that’s the most important.
You will get through this and it will be ok.

Mammabee20 · 06/05/2020 08:19

I completely agree with you op. I am finding it harder and harder every morning and I am not even working right now as I am on maternity leave. I have a premature baby who is currently nearly 4 Months old but corrected age 3 Months who is not making his mind up about what kind of feeding he wants either breast or bottle and I have an 18 month old who was separated from me for practically 3 months so I don’t feel we are very close now, it is daddy everything.

I should be more grateful as my DP is amazing and helps with the children all the time, he gets our DD up so I can sleep in with the baby and then works from home.

I just feel so trapped because up until the lockdown started I was in and out of hospital since the 6th January. So I feel like I’ve been trapped for months.

Sympathy for you OP... we all need lockdown to be over soon

RickOShay · 06/05/2020 08:19

Ah sorry missed your lovely dh. Talk to him. Lean on him if possible.

Bumsmet · 06/05/2020 08:21

You’re not alone! I’ve got a 3.5yo and an 8 month old. DH is out at work 7-6pm. We’ve got a cupboard full of craft stuff, kid refuses to play with it.

Only thing keeping me going us the thought that this won’t last forever!

megletthesecond · 06/05/2020 08:22

I agree.
I want to wake up, have breakfast and go back to bed to recharge.
FWIW my tweens are a nightmare. No help and not sleeping until gone 11pm.

Sunshinegirl82 · 06/05/2020 08:26

Yep, it’s shit OP. You really aren’t alone though honestly. This is not you, this is an unsustainable situation for the majority, it not normal parenting (which is tough enough anyway!)

I am literally just getting through the days, I clock watch all day. I think we have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other for now, everyday we get through is another day done. This will end eventually but it’s really bloody hard.

PumpkinP · 06/05/2020 08:33

Yeh it’s really dragging isn’t it, I’m a lone parent so no help at all which is always the case anyway so lock down is no different in that sense. I have 4 but at least with school I was getting a break, I think I will crack up if they are not back till September.

CurlyEndive · 06/05/2020 08:34

OP, this sounds really hard and I'm not surprised you are struggling. My three are older now, but if I'd had lockdown when they were little it would have been really difficult. Sending

Belleende · 06/05/2020 08:35

Surprised you lasted this long to be honest. I love the little bastards, but a wee bit of variety would be nice about now. I am literally dreaming of softplay where I can let them off the leash and spend an hour drinking coffee and surfing Mumsnet. I usually think of softplay as the 7th circle of hell

PotteringAlong · 06/05/2020 08:36

Me too.

Mine are 8,5 and 3.

Am currently hiding in my bedroom. The 5 and 3 year old have both cried twice already this morning.

formerbabe · 06/05/2020 08:38

It's really hard...this has now been going on for longer than the summer holidays...I'm lucky I'm not working and am a sahm but I'll be honest and say I really don't like home schooling...and dread it every day.

YourHandInMyHand · 06/05/2020 08:39

YANBU. Little children are lovely but relentless, and lockdown is like groundhog day. Mine is missing the park, soft play etc and getting quite bored and frustrated.

Some of the things I've done in desperation:

ran a bath at 2pm and sat on the loo with a cuppa while it was bath time play
took a walk around the block. It takes forever with a toddler. Passed half hour then toddler was shattered.
garden. Lots and lots of benign neglect time in the garden while I "supervise" from a garden chair.
strapped in the buggy walk so I have some headspace and physical space and we get some fresh air.

When me and dp are both free one of us will let the other have some time to themselves. It's soo needed at the moment.

Hang on in there!

LidlDonkey · 06/05/2020 08:40

I feel your pain and my DS is 17!

I cannot motivate him to do any work, no matter how hard I try and it's stressing me to the point where I have shouted, sworn and cried twice this week. And he still he won't do anything. He's on the vulnerable list so can't even go out.

I'd love to run away and leave DH to it.

YouJustDoYou · 06/05/2020 08:41

I was you op.i had three under 4 at one point, and sometimes I wished I could go to sleep and never wake up. It's so easy for me to tell you my.own truth, that now they are 3 under 6.5 it's so, so much easier (though I'm sure in the future it'll have it's own problems again as they get older), but I promise you it does get so much better. It's so fucking torturous sometimes when they are all that young. Total hell. But when they're all old enough to look after themselves more, feed themselves, play together, the close age gap is utterly worth it. Hang in there op- one day you'll look back at all this and this fresh hell will be a distant memory.

ellanwood · 06/05/2020 08:43

I'm so sorry - sounds exhausting and stressful.

Can you create a routine that helps make the day manageable? I used to do this when DC were tiny and never slept. I was exhausted but I could live on autopilot because I didn't think about what we should do next, just did it.

Get them up, fed and dressed
Then get out of the house asap. Lots of fresh air, whatever the weather. A bit of exercise.
Back home. give them jobs to 'help tidy up' after breakfast. (Wiping the table etc.)
Then sit on the floor with them and a pile of toys, with some upbeat music on and just mill about. I found if I was on the floor at their level, they were less likely to charge around knocking into furniture.

Then lunch and quiet time - a nap or a film, read a story with the older one maybe. After that, go into the garden if you can. One simple activity - washing plastic toys or painting the patio with water, ball game or sandpit - something that doesn't create too much dirt.

Then tea, bath, and wind-down time.

It's still exhausting but it's a plan.

Scruffyoak · 06/05/2020 08:44

You are not alone. 8.44am and I've had enough already.

tootiredtoconga · 06/05/2020 08:45

Being cooped up with 3 under 5 must be so hard

DH and I are both WFH full time, working around each other in shifts trying to home-school a primary aged DC while looking after a toddler. Some days I think I'd give anything to be able to get dressed into my smart work clothes, pick up my bag and head out the door. At work the days go by so quickly and I look forward to time with the DC when I get home. Now the days seem to drag on forever despite us being so busy trying to juggle everything.
I feel guilty saying this because there are people living alone and struggling with the isolation, but never being on my own has been the hardest part of all this for me. I can't even go for a shit without one of them wanting to talk to me through the bathroom door. My work phone never stops ringing. Some days it feels like all I say to my kids is "sshhh mummy's on the phone" and "in a minute" and the guilt is immense. The toddler wakes between 5am and 6am every morning and I can't even relax and enjoy the peace when they finally go to bed at night because I have to use that time to get work done.

It's shit but I keep telling myself it's not forever.

Scruffyoak · 06/05/2020 08:45

The thought of 6 weeks holiday after this is driving me insane.

RoseMartha · 06/05/2020 08:45

I am struggling too and i have secondary aged kids. One with SN. Sending you a 🤗🤗

AnnaNimmity · 06/05/2020 08:46

I hear you too. I am a lone parent with 6 children at home. I thank my lucky stars every day that the youngest is 7,, I cannot imagine how hard it is being stuck with toddlers.

Mind you, teens?! .

can you lean on your DH more? Screens? do what you need to do to get through the day.

CoronaMoaner · 06/05/2020 08:49

I’m holding out for Sunday with this blind optimism that they might start to relax some of the rules as I think we can all relate to this.
My 2 year old is bored and being so naughty as a result.
I just want them to let us out more, so I can build in some additional exercise to wear him out. I can’t trust him to social distance, so taking him out is extremely stressful for me.
My older child is an angel in comparison so I can’t complain to much.
My advice would be to crank it down a gear. Accept you’re not going to get everything done. Relax your house rules feel screen time and just do what works.

Zebrasinpyjamas · 06/05/2020 08:50

I feel the same. Mine are 5,3 and 1. I am so relieved when I can escape to "work" and DH takes over.
It turns out it's me not the DC that like a daily routine. My mood is terrible as I feel so cooped up, plus I feel guilty that I'm failing at the home schooling as my oldest won't do any at all and I've got no spare time to help(aka make him) as the other two interrupt or get jealous.
Its not forever, we will survive it. Hang in there.

RickOShay · 06/05/2020 08:52

Just wanted to add you are in NO way pathetic. Life is great yes, but it’s not bloody easy, and takes a huge effort just to tick over. All I really want to do is watch telly with my sister and eat cream cakes. I do not want to homeschool, etc etc etc. I don’t want to. I make myself.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 06/05/2020 08:55

I feel you OP. I'm trying not to complain because we are really very lucky and so many people are worse off, but this week it has suddenly started to feel really hard. I just want it to be over.

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