I’m starting to dread waking up and having a full day with my children

[PaulHollywoodsSexGut]

Morning

I’m sure I’m not alone in this but pathetically reaching out for solidarity.

I work 3 days a week from home and I’m knackered after that. The other 4 days I have a decent and able DH who leads on the parenting and other stuff.

I’m dreading the days I’m not working atm as I’m less and less able to manage my children - who are actually handling this all very well but a mom stop chattering 4 yo, a bitey 2 year old and a nearly 1 year old who’s starting to walk and smashing her face off things is starting to make me not want to get up in the morning and face the day and then anymore.

We are in Scotland where in all probability it’s likely childcare providers will be closed for as long as possible and whilst I don’t know what to believe anymore I feel so absolutely mentally dead I’m there but not there IYSWIM.

I don’t know why I’m writing this, I’m struggling and wish I could just find ways to run the days down. I know they’re not this age forever and wishing time away is bad but I don’t care anymore.

You have my sympathy. My daughter is 25 now. If this had happened when she was little I don't think I'd have coped very well. She was an adorable little girl and very easy as a young child but this situation would test a Saint. Do not beat yourself up over this. It's not a normal situation. Sorry I don't have any practical advice xx

OP I feel it too

I have a OH working full time and I hve a 9 month old and nearly 4 year old. I isolated 2 weeks before lockdown because my OH had a cough. Honestly don't know how I can get through another day.

I am up all night BF too, exhausted, irritated, and Fed up.

Just some solidarity for you

I just hate it, I want it all to stop. I’m absent as a parent and they can see me disappearing and they want me more. DH is great, he just is, he’s always been and we have a very even handed relationship, but he needs time out to charge his batteries too, you know? I dread the two hours over lunch when the kids are watching a film and it’s his rest time as the kids no longer watch a film. Past week their attention span and enjoyment of telly has evaporated. It’s like my last dice has been rolled, and fallen off the table. They are fed up too.

However there are two things I’ve managed to glean from this time though

1. I will never fear the summer holidays. Assuming DH and I get the flexi we know we can get at least I know the 7 weeks would be manageable, plus there would be actual shit happening like access to swings, library events, swimming pool parties etc

1. I can parent. Having previously had them in childcare 4 days a week and my having returned to work earlier and DH being a SAHD for some months I’ve always felt like the less good parent. That’s not there any more even though I feel lim letting them down in a variety of other ways.

YANBU. At all. I reached that point at least a week ago!

I feel you my kids are older now so not as hard but I had the same kind of gap two years between each those days were so hard! I used to cry a LOT back then and been shut in with no nursery routine all out the window it must be tough for you.
Even now I find it hard 13,11 and 8 they are now but it is still hard being shut in all day trying to do work cook etc so I can only imagine what your going through first off don't beat yourself up I felt a lot like this in the early days when they were small.
Have you got a partner that gives you a break after work?
Deep breaths it won't last forever it will get easier in time I promise you.

Have a two-year-old and nearly four-year-old and I very much resonate with the PP who said they used to be jealous of mumsnetters with older DC. DH and I are alternating childcare with WFH and I live for my WFH sessions. Only three hours to go today until my WFH shift!

You're not alone.
I have a 13 year oldgrl who is struggling yo do her school work, most of which I also struggle with. Yesterday was awful, she had meltdowns throughout the day over it.
And an incredibly hyperactive 8 year old who does not stop talking about YouTube videos.
To make matters worse, they do not get on at all so I spend most days on tenterhooks waiting for the next blow up.
Hope today is manageable for you op x

My coping strategy was to pretend they weren't mine. In my head I was a Norland Nanny or Mary Poppins and I was a) getting paid, b) getting time off, and c) planning the expose about the children I would write when they were grown.

I have teenagers and am pregnant and just can't be bothered. I'm constantly tired and in pain.
I just want to be able to go swimming with my children and see my mum who's a massive support.
I wake up every morning and think I can't do this again. I'm sick of constantly arguing with the girls about doing their learning. I'm sick of my husband slumping in front of the TV all day. I'm bored being stuck in.
The only up side is my family are all healthy. Obviously I'm grateful for that but I'm fed up of being inside and can't see any end to this lockdown.

Feel for you OP. I think broadly speaking, the littler your children are, the harder this is.

Mine are a bit older than yours so a bit easier, but nothing wrong with a moan.

Just wanted to say I’m feeling the same as you. I have a 3 year old DD, 10 week old DS and a pre teen SS who was with us two days a week prior lockdown and is now here full time. I spend a lot of time feeling like I want to scream and often want to get in the car, drive away and never come back. But trying to remind myself this won’t be forever and things will become much easier as my two little ones grow older. One day it’ll just be the memory of a bad time of my life that I’ll never have to repeat.

Its not forever. It might feel like forever each day, but one day this will end. Keep telling yourself that.

Try and rotate toys and activities as much as possible, toys they haven't seen for a while are more exciting, and let them wash toys or whatever is washable in the garden/bath. Sacrifice a towel so they can dry them too. All else fails, chuck the children in the bath.

Agreed op. I actually cried this morning and had a massive headache. Our 13 year old is being loud, obnoxious and he can't/won't sleep most nights. He then woke me at 5.45, went downstairs and was talking loudly to himself. I'm drained and will not realistically get a break from him for at least another 4 months.

I feel the same. I’m seven months pregnant with DC5 and usually I work three days a week as a teacher then have two days where the eldest three are at school so toddler and I go to groups. DH was furloughed last week (on full pay thankfully) so neither of us are working and we’re all just stuck in the house. I’m not really supposed to leave the house so the only time I really do leave is to attend antenatal appointments and DH leaves once every ten or so days to do a massive food shop.

I’m getting major cabin fever, this is week seven and it’s just too much for me at this stage although equally don’t want to leave and catch it so it’s like a catch 22.

I wake up with a pit of dread really. I teach adults English so I’m definitely not used to teaching primary aged children eight different subjects. DH is helping as much as he can but he has an eye ulcer so is in a lot of pain and struggles with the sunlight. It’s just not easy right now for anyone.

Likewise - DH and I are tag team being beaten up by a bored 2 year old who is mostly lovely but has a couple of boredom / age induced rampages a day, while both trying to wfh. So hard to juggle it all.

However, I liked the term 'benign neglect' I think a pp used. Consider it stolen!

You are not alone OP
It’s tough when they are young. When mine were that age I coped by taking them out everyday.
I couldn’t imagine having young children in lockdown.

You are not the only one feeling like this. I keep bitterly muttering “marathon not a sprint” as I stomp round my neighbourhood smiling graciously as people avoid me like I’ve got the plague and wishing we could just go back to normal.

One thing cheered me up this week: Watching The Wiggles song “Social Distancing” which is SO bad I almost thought it was a spoof. I love it and sing it all the time, much to the annoyance of my older DD.

I feel for you. You aren't alone in feeling this way. Most of us are tired, maybe emotional at times and struggling.

Don't compare yourself to the ones showing off on social media - it doesn't help.

Sending hugs, you are doing great. Take time to breathe and slow down a bit in the evenings xx

I’m there too OP, toddler twins, both delayed development and suspected ASD, I’m disappearing into the kitchen more and more these days and then I batter myself internally for not being the fun entertaining mum they want! I was never one for overdoing it with activities and life isn’t that much different, but I miss being able to take them to the park where they could run off some of their seemingly never ending energy supply!

DD has taken to Velcro attachment mode again, thing is she wraps her arms around my neck so tight and she’s so bloody strong it’s like being in a chokehold. No matter how many times I correct her position, tell her it hurts, put her down if it’s getting too much, she just climbs up and does it again! I love them but I’m running on fumes 😩😩

You’re a legend for doing this with three. I have a 17 month old, and trying to teach from home with her is horrendous - she’s trashing everything because she’s bored, then recording the videos takes longer so she gets even more bored and causes more havoc. It’s the circle of lockdown hell.

She’s just had her one short nap of the day, so I’m going to get her to walk a long way across the fields in the hope that she can have some tv time this afternoon while I mark all of the children’s work on Seesaw.

It’s literally one hour at a time right now.

I have two close in age who are older, big gap and then a 4yo and have thought many times I am glad this has happened now and not when the two big ones were little. Sympathies.

Just here to say I feel the same. I have a 5 and 8 year old (just, they both have had birthdays in lockdown) and I'm struggling. The school work is getting less done as the days go on but it keeps piling up.. I feel guilty if we do it as I'm stressy/shouty mum, guilty if we don't, as I'm failing them. I know they need me to play games etc more but I'm a huge introvert and need to be alone sometimes so guilt over that too. Guilt over ignoring them for house work. Guilt over being fat and knowing I've made it more likely they could lose their mum because I'm higher risk purely because I'm greedy. Guilt that they are having too much screen time/not enough exercise but we don't live near any parks or nice walks and they get bored of walking the streets and just moan.

Every day starts with a fight over getting dressed and brushing their teeth and ends with a fight about going to bed. My house is a tip which also affects everyone's mood. I feel like I'm spinning plates and dropping them all and I don't even work!!

thunderthighsohwoe my DS is doing work on seesaw and his teacher is marking it all and providing feedback etc. You're probably not his teacher! but even so I just wanted to say you're doing an amazing job and it's so appreciated.

I don’t think it’s helped by the fact we’ve got DD’s first birthday a matter of days away, she nearly died after she was born, we thought we would lose her so the anniversary of all that coming up doesn’t help.

We weren’t going to throw a party or anything (hell no) but around 350 days ago I remember staring out the windows of the NICU fantasising about how all the stress will be gone if she could just get to 1 and what a day we would have.

Now it’s me who feels like they’re dying, every fucking day.

DH is sympathetic and empathetic and kind but we process things differently. We’ve had some good chats of late but we’ve also had some major blow ups and I don’t feel the energy to talk about this with anyone IRL as I don’t want platitudes.

Thank you to everyone on this thread therefore - it’s all just shit innit

I hated my life when mine were toddlers! It destroyed my mental health, and that was without lockdown. I don’t have any brilliant advice, but I do think you deserve a medal just for getting through the day! FWIW I enjoy having teens a heck of a lot more than I did toddlers. I’ve found it gets better and easier the older they get. Also if at all possible take time for you. I know it’s easier said than done, but when I spend time each day doing something I enjoy (reading / crafting / binging Netflix / whatever) then I’m also a better parent.