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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I have a very important question and I can't seem to get conclusive answer

224 replies

planetcloud · 05/05/2020 11:20

When a man does a pee does he wiggle he end so to speak or dab with toilet paper? The only reason I ask is that with four "men" in the house the use of toilet paper seems to be extremely high. I always thought men wiggled but it appears I may have been wrong all this time. Clarification would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
Nurgleturtle · 06/05/2020 19:43

men use sooo much god dam loo roll when shitting... it is actually untrue

lloydee1983 · 06/05/2020 19:47

Wanking seems more legit, if you ask me lol

CarolwithaC · 06/05/2020 20:04

Let me tell you now, there's no dabbing going on. Especially if you buy cheap loo roll... That stuff sticks to the end of the Johnson at the first sign of wetness.
I think you need to accept that your 'men' are all giving it the old rug and tug on it on a regular basis. Don't mention it to them, it will mess them up for life I think. Just ignore it and be thankful it's not all their socks being sacrificed into rock hard foot nodders.
My brother in law used to blow on his to dry off. He might have been joking but he was very serious when he told me, and it was the 90's so anything is possible. My husband used to shake his post-pee. Sometimes I'd see him thrash it so fast It looked like it was on fire and he was trying to put it out. Hahaha that was funny. God rest his soul

momtoboys · 06/05/2020 20:25

I am in a house with 6 young adult/adult men. Justmuddling hit the nail on the head. At least in my house! :)

Fowles94 · 06/05/2020 20:48

The lack of toilet paper does probably include their penis but nothing to do with urinating 😂

lovemelongtime · 06/05/2020 20:56

honest to god , never met a man who dabs his cock !

BusyEmz · 06/05/2020 21:02

Dbt

Chunkycharlie85 · 06/05/2020 21:19

My ex always gave the end of his a wipe, I asked him ones years ago why he didn't just shake it all over the place like others..he just replied with "because I'm not a dirty b***d 😂I like to be clean and feel clean"
He really was big on his personal hygiene tho.

MySprogsDad · 06/05/2020 21:29

This cracks me up in so many ways :)

It's also a little embarrassing to answer, especially as I've wondered for many years if women actually secretly eat toilet paper, judging by the amount used when they're in my house and the recent shortages...

The thing is, when all goes according to plan, a single sheet is all that's required to dab a tiny drip.

After a few years of practice, a deft, controlled downwards flick can even ensure that any remnants end up exactly where intended and no need for even a single sheet.

The problems occur occasionally when a chap's bits don't quite behave the same way as would, say, a hose pipe. They can be a bit less predictable, especially at the start and end of flow.

On occasion, it's not uncommon for the pee to start at a random angle to the one you're pointing. This is very annoying and probably has a lot to do with fluid dynamics and surface tension but usually only lasts a second or so and rapid redirection of the nozzle will minimise any misdirected pee. Still, it does require a quick wipe-round to clear up any mess. This does use an amount of paper commensurate with the spillage.

The second and even more annoying situation is when you think you're coming to the end of flow, your muscles switch the "tap" off but your kidneys decide there's a bit more to get rid of. This does not come out as a predictable jet (see hose pipe above) but more of a dribble. Unable to provide sufficient flow to keep the nozzle fully open, fluid dynamics and surface tension again take over and can turn any predictable nozzle into a completely unpredictable sprinkler. The kidneys also seem to have an "over-ride" function which prevents the normal "off" function from working. Sometimes they seem to hate you by finishing the flow and then starting again a couple of seconds later, just as you're finishing up.

You probably thought being a bloke was easy. Point and shoot. If only. It takes years of practice and still your body has a laugh at your expense.

Hobbitytoes · 06/05/2020 21:32

The state of our three toilets are a daily fight in my house. DP and 2 DSs seem incapable of peeing in the bowl, cleaning up the piss all over seat or floor or indeed flushing. Eldest DS is the only dabber. I refuse to go near my DPs pants or pj's its disgusting. 🤢 As for the wads of loo roll my DP uses after a shit, you would think it would stop the skid marks but apparently it get stuck in the hair and he can't help it Confused

Hobbitytoes · 06/05/2020 21:34

Oh and not to mention leaving the lid up..... Angry

Macncheeseballs · 06/05/2020 21:35

I'm not sure flat sharing with men makes people question whether one is a 'slut' or not, whatever the feck that is anyway

shamelesschocaholic · 06/05/2020 21:37

My Dh sometimes stands and sometimes sits - we have zero privacy rules in our house lol. One time he sat and the end of his willy wasn’t tucked in and he pissed down front side Of toilet onto carpet. Gross I thought it was one of kids but no!

Also don’t get me started on carpet, we have it in toilet and bathroom (bought house of elderly person and slowly doing up). I never knew this was a thing and with three willies in house in total I’ve noticed how unhygienic this is!

TheSandman · 06/05/2020 22:36

The problems occur occasionally when a chap's bits don't quite behave the same way as would, say, a hose pipe. They can be a bit less predictable, especially at the start and end of flow.

Especially after sex. I have NO idea what goes on then but it can get really surprising at times.

jillybeanclevertips · 06/05/2020 23:24

OMG Way too much info from some- not a subject I've given much thought to, to be honest. I'm a heavy user of TP myself, so don't know why you think usage is too much- it is what it is, best not to research it too much, I think. Go with the flow !!)

EngagedAgain · 06/05/2020 23:42

Shameless - hence why I hate bathroom carpets and those awful pedestal things (although I did have both at one time 😚) my OH just shakes I think, never seen him use paper.

Skandiminsk · 06/05/2020 23:49

If anyone makes a mess (doesn’t matter if family, friend or visitor) if I notice it; I immediately mention it, hand out the rubber gloves and disinfectant for them to clean it up! They soon learn 😂

Quizacabusi · 06/05/2020 23:54

They are using the toilet paper, but not for wee. 😬

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 07/05/2020 00:53

I think you need to accept that your 'men' are all giving it the old rug and tug on it on a regular basis. Don't mention it to them, it will mess them up for life I think.

Noti23 · 07/05/2020 01:17

My dp waps it around, and up and down, with the opening of his trousers, flinging piss in all directions with the vigour and venom of a confused emu. It actually makes a slapping sound when it hits his belly. There’s no attempt to gently dab it into the toilet. I don’t know where he learned to do this but I’m disappointed in his mother for allowing it to develop past potty training. I have to move away when I’m brushing my teeth. It’s fucking disgusting.

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 07/05/2020 03:18

Are.You.That.FORKIN'.Bored.....
SMH!!!🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 07/05/2020 03:27

This reply has been deleted

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Aglet · 07/05/2020 07:21

I taught my son from a young age to wipe because men tend to shake it all over the place and I don't like cleaning at the best of times.

jakkijax · 07/05/2020 07:38

Laughing out loud at some of these responses..... I've known both wrigglersand dabbers.... however I do know of one who calls his a tick tac.... just wanted to throw that in the mix. Smile

EngagedAgain · 07/05/2020 08:25

As a result of some of the posts on this thread I am using my first Ltb's! In the plural!