to admit I can't keep this going for another 10/11 weeks

[OnTheMoors]

Home schooling. It's just an ongoing battle with ds(13). I have tried a daily routine chart and also tried a more flexible day. He has everything set up and a quiet environment but to be honest he just is not interested and has a poor attitude. Does bare minimum and shows no interest in the topics. I've tried to sit with him and go through the work but he doesn't want me to sit with him. I go to the living room, so I a available to support him if needed and he ends up getting up and down out of his seat and generally faffing about.
DH is wfh, setting a good example as he is working 7.30-4 and also on live team meetings a couple of times a week. Ds can see the team work.
We've had the talk about trying our best so we can get a job we enjoy and to get enough money to pay bills etc. He goes to bed at a decent time (9.30/10) and gets up about 8/.30.
I feel like I'm being supportive but he honestly just wants to be lazy. If I raise my voice he switches off completely and argues (ADHD).
Aibu to be allowed to feel that he simply is not interested?

Best comment I've seen so far

My ds is pretty similar to yours. I think it is impossible to force them to do work at this age. They are suffering from stress like the rest of us, but can't talk about it. I am finding my son is doing more than I realised, if I leave him to it. I think it's much more important that we keep friendly with each other than that they do every single bit of work perfectly.

I had some niggles with DD. We compromised by her agreeing to learn something new. She's coding a game in Unity atm and has signed up to a graphic design course on Udemy.

It's not what she's supposed to be doing but she said most of the work she's been given is not what she is supposed to be doing either. She mostly gets links to BBC Bitesize and told to get on with it.

Coding games = maths + useful IT skills.
Graphic design = Art+IT.

Udemy has some great courses on loads of different subjects, some are free and the ones that aren't always have offers on. Never pay full price. The most I've ever paid for a course on Udemy is £19.99. They're constantly sending me offers.

Hes got ADHD. Combine that with being a teenage boy, no school environment with set routine and support or face to face teacher input, I am not surprised he is like that. Tbh I don't think lazy is the right term for it. God knows I've said that to my son often enough (whose two years older, just diagnosed with ADHD) and is acting similarly, but it really isnt as simple as that.

Is he on medication for ADHD? mine about to start and have been advised should make a big difference to his concentration and ability to start and complete tasks.

@OnTheMoors You need to feedback to the school how your DS is coping/dealing with work. They may have some tips for you to use to support your son like 15mins work, 30mins break and a visual reminder of that to help focus and break it down. Or that out of 5 maths questions that have been set, he does just 3 and stops for a break, then does the last two (if he can refocus). Let him know you're proud of him for having a go, because right now it is tough but that he's showing real maturity for keep trying etc etc - you get the idea with the praise!

Have you tried putting the ball in his court.

So say, you have x y and z to complete, it's up to you how you structure your day and choice of environment, but the work has to be done, well.
You can offer help to structure topics etc, he may take you up on the offer.
Then he can have his phone during breaks, snacks etc.
It worked with mine, with ADHD and other barriers.
Not recently or related to forced home education.

Could you decide what the bare minimum you’d accept him doing is and then ask him to choose that many pieces of learning he will do that week and then it is his responsibility to get them then done at some point? The whole of his learning may seem unachievable and daunting.

If he's choosing not to do schoolwork, then he needs to do chores. Write up a list of chores equal to the time he should spend homeschooling then offer him the choIce of how he wantS to spend the time.

I've compromised on English, maths, science and history. He had to do 30 mins of them on the days he has that subject and daily Tassomai (science). He does it upstairs in his room with his music on whenever he wants, I just check he has done sufficient at 3ish. Then we play an hour of basketball with his brother and sister or go for a bike ride. I'm a secondary teacher so completely get why teenage brains arent set up for this but at the same time can't supervise him as I have to work.

my ds (16) who was to sit his GCSES is doing no schoolwork at all and I really don't mind. We are in unprecedented circumstances and they'll be back to school sooner or later.

DD (11) is confident, good at lessons, enjoys school and is happy to do school work.

Even she is finding parts of the current situation really difficult - it is just so far outside their comfort zone or how they expect to work.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Bank Holiday Friday

2-3 hours per day is a big ask. It should be quality of work and not quantity. And teachers need to be seen to be putting up lots of work but we are in very different times. I am glad some teachers give a ring to query about work being done which is more effective than putting up vast amounts of curriculum work. My 12 year old is the same and it is extremely difficult to motivate him. So now I am ask for bits and pieces of work frequently to show me through the day or even 10 at night.

We watch bitesize 10-11 is secondary . It may not be much but Ds is open to it. Ds also has Adhd. I do believe he requires drawing in rather than here is your work.

So he does his maths but largely are ignoring school work

The one thing that is painfully obvious now is how little we valued the real benefit of schools. Who would have given the sports/socialising/connection with teachers/comfort of daily walk to school/routines a second thought before the coronavirus? Not many of us have experienced such an extended time away from school, and now see it in a new light.

Every parent in the land will now value our schools and teachers like never before after this.

Coronavirus has readjusted my world view drastically. I always valued carers, medics and teachers before, but now they have taken on a whole new status in my view. I have never been one for celebrities, but I can't stomach them now at all, not even to look at. Any kind of flash or look at me behaviour repulses me.
I hope we will reset the values in this country after this virus, and we look after the real stars in our country. The ones that go out regardless and look after others day in and day out.

Good luck op, this will soon be over. You also have the summer holidays to catch up, so don't stress. He will be okay

Well said Biscuit

I myself have stopped stressing about the DCs (Years 7 and 8) and their workload.
When they're at school they do their school work and homework properly and this break from normal education is only for a few months.........thank Christ.

My son is in college and has done nothing. He says he needs a teacher there to guide and teach him. I totally get that.

I aren't pushing him as I don't think A levels have been the right choice for him.

I'm a Year 1 teacher and I have a class of 24 and I'd say at least 10 of them either do nothing or the bare minimum. Obviously I don't know what they are doing that isn't sent to me. We have Class Dojo and some parents are sharing loads. I have at least 5 parents who send me nothing at all.

It's very tricky.