to admit I can't keep this going for another 10/11 weeks

[OnTheMoors]

Home schooling. It's just an ongoing battle with ds(13). I have tried a daily routine chart and also tried a more flexible day. He has everything set up and a quiet environment but to be honest he just is not interested and has a poor attitude. Does bare minimum and shows no interest in the topics. I've tried to sit with him and go through the work but he doesn't want me to sit with him. I go to the living room, so I a available to support him if needed and he ends up getting up and down out of his seat and generally faffing about.
DH is wfh, setting a good example as he is working 7.30-4 and also on live team meetings a couple of times a week. Ds can see the team work.
We've had the talk about trying our best so we can get a job we enjoy and to get enough money to pay bills etc. He goes to bed at a decent time (9.30/10) and gets up about 8/.30.
I feel like I'm being supportive but he honestly just wants to be lazy. If I raise my voice he switches off completely and argues (ADHD).
Aibu to be allowed to feel that he simply is not interested?

I've contacted school following a dramatic escalation in one of mine's behaviour (she's still doing the schoolwork at least) just to make them aware of the circumstances at home and school have really rallied around to see what they can put in place now and on return to school to support her. The school have been fantastic - head phoned me to discuss it and what they could do to back us up (I have always suspected ASD is at the root of lots of the behaviour and this escalation fits with my suspicions).

Schools, it has been reported in numerous papers over the weekend, are opening next month gradually, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
The announcement will be on Sunday, and hopefully it will motivate your children to do something before they go back.
You are giving out false information there, biscuit, which could give false hope to struggling parents like the OP.
Newspapers have no firm knowledge of an opening date for schools, and even if June 1st does mark a shift in provision, (probable and let's hope so), it does NOT mean that all schools will be open to all children in all year-groups from that date.

This is my son, OP. His attitude in lockdown is not much different to his attitude in 'normal' life and it is so frustrating as he is quite quite capable. Has a real "I'm no good at anything" "my teachers don't like me" complex.
He has quite a bit of work set and I have to sit and talk through what he has to do. I'm trying to work from home and it's so hard when I can't trust him to sit and do it properly without getting distracted and procrastinating, leaving me to do a day's work. He doesn't take advice very well and has no desire to make his work look neat, tidy, presentable. Moans about what work he has to do etc. I'm.trying not to stress but I can see he's falling behind and missing deadlines. I've already seen.some work he's ticked off as 'completed' but he hasn't done it or rather, started but not finished. Some I've not even printed off the attachments. A lot of the teachers have started asking the kids to upload pics of their work now too.
I think it's worth remembering that this is school work and homework rolled into one so they're not getting a clear break. Having said that, he's not long had a 2 week Easter break where he did v little work!
Trying to find a balance between accepting this isn't normal and not wanting him to completely fall behind. Its hard when you are wfh too, and feel you should be sat at your laptop all day.after all, I'm getting paid.

Schools, it has been reported in numerous papers over the weekend, are opening next month gradually, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

It's speculation. Nobody knows what's going to be announced this weekend. Saying stuff like that isn't helpful and only serves to either a) scare people or b) give them false hope.

I've never pushed my kids to do school work. My parents never pushed me. You either like it or you don't. If they don't establish self discipline, then they will never get anywhere anyway. You can't push them through college or uni.

What I would do is take them to Tesco's and show them how boring working at the tills is. Then drive past a nice new car dealership, and tell them if they don't push themselves, they'll be working in Tesco's, if they push themselves, they'll be able to walk into the car dealership one day and take their pick.
Choice is theirs.

The huge advantage of homeschooling is that you can let your DC follow their own interests and that you don't have loads of time taken up by dealing with all the other kids.

Also, don't forget school is about socialising also, it's important.

What's your DS interested in? My son loves drawing and computers so I've let him develop this, and he's teaching himself new art-related software from YouTube, 'we're calling it his "personal project". He's spending at least half his time on this and his other interests and has made huge progress, I'm really impressed with what he's putting out. The stuff he's doing with the 3D software he's using for example, I couldn't do.

I'm also letting him spend regular time on games where he can talk to his friends (like fortnight) as this interaction with his mates is so important to him. (He does need to have done sufficient work before I'll let him).

He's doing the maths stuff the school set, mostly, but we're picking and choosing what we want from the other stuff. I tried to force him to do the English but he really hates it and after he showed me a lesson I can understand why! Talk about stripping the joy out of learning. He reads at a higher level than expected for his age anyway, so instead I've said he can read books with a notebook and note down words he doesn't know as he goes then look them up.

Plus he's writing a blog about his "personal project" (which he hates doing as hates writing at all, but I do insist on this, it's the least bad of the writing options we could come up with).

I had a call with his teacher last week and was honest about what we're doing. She said as long as he's being productive, she's happy.

Sorry for the mammoth post, but what I'm trying to say is, give him and yourself a break. Can you forget about some of the schoolwork and give him stuff tailored to his interests instead?

Schools don't give all the DC the same work as it's the best for them educationally. They do it because each teacher has 30 DC to teach AT ONCE! (My mind still boggles how they manage to do that!)

But, you don't have 30 DC to teach, so why not play to the strengths of the set up? If you let your DS follow his interests, he'll likely be more engaged.

Oh, I just noticed he's got ADHD! (Me too).

People with ADHD can really excel if they're able to earn money by following their own interests. ADHD can be like a superpower if they're doing this.

You're unlikely to get success IMO by trying to get him to see the value of boring work for monetary gain. It won't mean anything to him at this age and anyway you're trying to put a square peg into a round hole.

Aibu to be allowed to feel that he simply is not interested? Yes! You are :) He's simply not interested as he's being forced to do stuff that's not interesting to him!

What is he interested in? Especially if he has ADHD he's likely to thrive if allowed at least some time to pursue his interests.

What are his GCSE choices for next year likely to be? Can you allow him to drop anything he's not going to continue next year as a start, maybe? How much time would that free up?

I’m an adult working from home and I find it very hard to motivate myself. My 15 year old is doing the bare minimum. I’m not going to argue with him as I really don’t need that whilst we are all at home. I’m hoping the school will contact me if he isn’t keeping up.

@Newjez, that’s pretty much my take on things too. I talk about personal responsibility and consequences - big buzz words in our house.

We are all struggling OP you are not alone.
Could you speak to SENCO to ask for advice? Does he have better times of day to concentrate? Maybe try and prioritise the most important subjects for him to do then and scrap the rest, and/or if there are things he finds easier plan them in for times when he is less motivated. I can only get 90 minutes tops concentration on academic subjects for my DD per day, in the morning.
Would it help him to have music or background noise on, my DD finds it hard to work in a completely silent environment as the classroom is always noisy.

That's 90 minutes plus breaks BTW

eleventh he is in year 9. They chose options last year and started GCSE coursework in September 2019. He loves sport so has no outlet at the moment and won't do the martial arts class by zoom

We are struggling too.
ASD and Dyslexia, poor Academy, poor internet signal (only one of us can use a laptop at any one time, and that's not great, tbh)
1 child has done almost no work at all. 1 child has done her Maths (only). They are tired and stressed by the situation, despite having CBT input and support at home. I am not fighting with them all the time about schoolwork too. There is only so much you can do.
This wont last forever. One is in Y10, and that worries me a lot as already massively struggling. I can only hope that 'mitigating circumstances' can be claimed (genuinely - School still cannot provide work in an accessible format 5 weeks into lockdown :(

Will he work with WhatsApp video on his phone? My 13yr old sometimes works while on a WhatsApp call to his friend.

Other times I have to confiscate his phone as he's watching bloody fortnite videos again.

I have a year 9 boy and have spoken to a few teacher friends who say year 9s are a particular problem for some reason. not-quite-gcse I'm guessing. we start with Joe wicks live so "it's the tv making him get up not us" and get him out for regular walks at about lunchtime and he brings a rugby ball to chuck around so is physically fulfilled but we live really so that makes it easier perhaps. he doesn't have adhd so I can only imagine the additional issues that brings and I really feel for you. regular contact with his teachers has been great as he was struggling to do all the work set, he is really young for his year.

sorry meant we live rurally

I've given up more or less. Mine is 14 and in year 8. He's a 'good boy' and cheerful and sweet natured normally but he just CANNOT motivate himself to do the school work. And I can lead the horse to water but I can't make him drink ..

So I've decided on a strategy. He doesn't need to concentrate on the subjects he will be dropping in year 9 so that removes french and geography. He is to do at least done and he can decide when he does that. He does something each day but it's definitely not his best work that's for sure!

He just wants to watch videos, speak to friends, watch films, play x box. We have an hours walk a day. We watch a documentary a day - or something even vaguely educational - look up Kings of Pain!

And that is that. I don't think you're alone here OP

Err mine isn't 14. Typo! He's 13!

I’m struggling with DS (yr 7, ASD.ADHD dyslexia).

The work doesn’t suit him as he needs to read a lot and research - he’s not actually being taught by a teacher. We are dropping subjects and finding work that suits him which is mainly on the laptop.

I know lots of people won't be doing the work so it is good that you're trying. A teenage boy not wanting to do his work and rejecting help from his supportive mum is not surprising. No real advice but I know some mums have asked their kids' teachers to phone them to remind them they have work to complete etc... would that work?

It's a start that your DS is doing the bare minimum. Flaffing around is his way of rebelling. Personally, dont let him flaffing around lead you or DH into a confrontation with him. Pick your battles

He's only 13.
It's only a few months off.
All the coursework is likely to be repeated when school starts up again.

I would ditch the charts and use this time constructively in learning something that interests him.
Some life skills.
He could learn to cook, bake bread, menu plan, make a good curry, make tofu.
You could plant up a vegetable patch.
Decorate, put up some shelves, learn some basic DIY skills.
Get some oil paints or start guitar lessons, build a web site.

Find something that sparks his interest, you may learn something along the way too.

How do you usually discipline him? Take his phone off him until he's done a decent amount of work each day.

I imagine it's really hard for him - is work in school presented/supported in a particular way due to his ADHD? I know some children need to constantly check in with the teacher.

I'm a bit ambivalent about letting him have the phone there. Not a big deal for me but you know your child - he might need the task breaking down with 5 mins phone time after 3 steps??

Yes we get this every single day in schools.

I sympathise