To wonder if some people really do cruise through life without a hitch?

[AbsentmindedWoman]

Of course everyone has their own particular challenges. But the scale of them seems to differ a lot.

Lying here recovering from my third low blood sugar of the day so probably just rambling really. But wondering why some people have really awful things like a child dying for example, then others just seem to have nothing but success. Then lots of folk in the middle, where I would situate myself.

Do you feel like you've breezed through life? Or the opposite, or somewhere inbetween?

Some people seem to have it easier than others and some have really awful tough times. Also sometimes we repeat behaviours which cause us more problems and makes life harder. So much also depends on your environment and the people around you and your circumstances. Some things like death, illness and negative things can happen to any of us and life can be turned upside down for people within a matter of moments.

Sometimes it’s just bad luck that you’ve been born into an abusive family.

Sometimes it’s that some ppl are drama addicts and they go looking for problems.

Sometimes ppl are lucky to have a supportive family and a good head on their shoulders.

Life is too long for some and too short for others

No, I’ve never heard of anybody who has cruised through life without a hitch. I think it’s quite naive to think they do. I had someone once say to me, oh I want your life and started to list things she thought were great about it. I’d just had a miscarriage two weeks previous. She didn’t know and I didn’t tell her.

Some people genuinely do breeze through life, yes. Many people appear to but they don’t really. Some have nothing but tragedy after tragedy. Strange.

I Havnt breezed through life.

Thank have high anxiety, have episodes of depression and keep repeating the same pattern of attracting narsassists through my codependency habits.

But, I pick myself back up and try again each and every fucking time.

One day I will learn how to get it right...

I dunno, I just read about dasha whatever her name is divorcing I think roman abramovich and marrying stavros niarchos and i thought ‘HOW different your whole experience of this planet is to mine!’

Then again, how different again to some child born into street prostitution in South America or a township in South Africa.

The spectrum is so insane.

I have been extraordinarily fortunate - mostly healthy, mostly solvent, supportive loving childhood, 3 lovely kids and long-term partner, generally stable, career maybe not what it could have been but decent money, fun job. I am thankful every day and kind of bracing myself for something shit to happen. It’s all luck. Things could have been so different.

The few people I know with a really good life are less resiliant to even the slightest let down and don't fully appreciate how incredibly lucky they are.

I was just thinking this exact thing this evening and then I came on here and saw your thread. My own life has been affected by three major events which came out of a clear blue sky with no warning. I will always wonder how things might have been and mourn the way they are.

Haven't breezed through.
However, I take comfort in knowing my traumas were not the result of something I did. Make sense?
However, not really driven to pursue relationships with people who have "breezed through." Not looking for misery-loves-company types or drama queens. I just find it difficult to connect.

Some people do seem to have a succession of horrible things to deal with. I know a few people where you genuinely wonder what on earth could possibly happen to them next.

However, there are a lot of people who, on the surface, appear to 'have it all'. Behind the scenes there may be all sorts of things going on that no one knows about.

I actually think that there are very few people who do cruise through life - it's just that we don't always know what else is going on or has done in the past.

Some people have better chances in life... born to a wealthy family or family that values education/opportunity...or positive family

However, once an adult you can work hard from the start you have been given or give up and moan.

Some look for the positive in everything and some moan/whinge about everything....

Some adapt and change and some don't

Some people do seem to have a lot of tragedy in their lives, others have little. However there will be few who cruise through without anything bad happening. People do cope differently however - there are some who appear to have a life worth envying, but who have dealt with very sad times but picked themselves up and moved on, so those who don't know the back story think everything is rosy.

I had an abusive childhood two abusive marriages six miscarriages and was getting back on my feet after divorce and got made redundant then got a new job and my dad died and mum got cancer

I don't think they do.

This is such an interesting read, I'm one of the breezers to everyone on the outside, and anyone who met me. But I'm very private so only a few people know my dad was abusive, I had cancer cells removed at 25 and I have a chronic illness.

Yet I still feel lucky as I'm yet to face what I would call a massive drama of parents passing, or family accidents. And I'm so grateful for being in the country I'm in with access to pain relief and healthcare.

But some definitely have it tougher.

@littlemeerkat honestly that's utterly heartbreaking. You must be one very strong woman x

Some people are definitely luckier than others, yes. As you say, some people have really awful things happen like children or partners dying and some don't, so I think it's hard to deny that random luck plays a huge part in how well anyone's life goes.

That said, a lot of the people who seem really happy and successful are probably just people who have a very positive outlook and/or don't like to talk about their problems. I can't imagine there's many people who get to whatever age the average life expectancy is without having had anything really bad happen to them in 80-odd years - it's just statistically very unlikely.

I think a part of it lies in whether people notice the 'default' good things in their lives. For example, it's quite hard to actively appreciate something like having good health until you don't. It's a lot easier to notice the things that are causing you problems than it is to remember all the everyday positives that are part of your baseline, whether that's big things like your children being alive and healthy or seemingly tiny ones like having the ability to go out for coffee without worrying about whether you can afford it. People who do think about those things probably feel luckier than people who don't, even if objectively their lives are quite similar.

It’s all luck. Things could have been so different. exactly and so refreshing to hear that from someone who’s been relatively lucky

I’ve had a shit life in many ways (abusive violent alcoholic father, mental illness, mc’s, physical illness, divorce, never really had money, shock bereavements etc) blessed in others (lucky to be fairly intelligent, dd, lovely friends)

I can’t think of anyone I know who’s had a completely smooth life but I know people who many others THINK have a charmed life but actually had seriously tough times eg 1 friend went through hell with her parents divorce, bullied badly at school which she still struggles with, struggled to conceive due to a congenital issue (finally did in late 30’s is why people didn’t really know as that was normal age for her circle but she’d been having surgeries, treatment & then ivf from she was 19), more health issues since but she tells very few people.

You don’t know what others are going/have gone through.

My brother died when we were both children (he was nine and I was four). My husband died of the same cancer in his 30s. Thanks, life.

Hideous, yes. I am heartbroken. But there are people in my situation who also don’t have enough to eat and are struggling to keep their children safe and clothed 😞😞😞

I don't know anyone who has had it completely easy and breathed through no.

I know people that have lost parents young, people that have divorced, people that struggle with addiction, neglectful parenting, struggle with their own health, their job.

Some people have never experienced death of either a parent or a child and I think those people are very lucky. If you make it to 40 and still have parents that you love, that are alive, I think you are VERY lucky. Those people probably don't realise they are lucky though and could possibly take it for granted.

I think there is a difference between hard luck, and the sort of unnatural hard luck that could ruin your life.
It's hard to articulate... things like losing a parent, I'd class as 'natural' even if both they and you are young. Even if you grieved like hell. But it's the normal turn of life albeit at the wrong time.
Losing a child is the wheel going the wrong way, even if you are a hundred and they are 80. It's the wrong way around.

Yes to people not being able to feed their children and people who lose a child, truly very sad.
I've had hard times but have been luckier since and had children who are a delight mostly for that I count my blessings