To wonder if some people really do cruise through life without a hitch?

[AbsentmindedWoman]

Of course everyone has their own particular challenges. But the scale of them seems to differ a lot.

Lying here recovering from my third low blood sugar of the day so probably just rambling really. But wondering why some people have really awful things like a child dying for example, then others just seem to have nothing but success. Then lots of folk in the middle, where I would situate myself.

Do you feel like you've breezed through life? Or the opposite, or somewhere inbetween?

Definitely haven't breezed through life 😞
I'm also a fellow type 1 diabetic, sorry to hear you've had so many hypos today...I've had the opposite and struggled to get out of double figures...still tomorrow is a new day.

I actually think I have breezed through but have a constant guilt about it. Met DH when I was about 22, now been married nearly 20 years, families get on great, all get together at Christmas (20 round the table at least). Both of us still have both sets of parents who we both love. We work very hard and are financially very stable. I’m waiting for something really bad to happen:

I've had a life with medium to hard parts - an alcoholic parent, other parent severely mentally ill, an abusive step-parent, my own illnesses, an endless cycle of poverty etc, and I always seem to have the bad luck - I always get the sod's law version of events.

My best friend however - parents still together and happy, a lovely childhood, always seems to just land on their feet whether it's an amazing, insanely wellpaid job they weren't qualified for but they gave them anyway or always having the 'god you were so lucky there!' version of events. Even just things like, still has all 4 grandparents well into adulthood, never gets ill, doesn't even get fucking hangovers haha!

In the last year however, we've both had extremely difficult and similar life circumstances. I am able to cope, because I am used to adversity and life just being generally a bit shit. They have fallen to pieces, because it is, genuinely, the first thing that's ever really gone wrong for them. While I'd trade their experience of life for mine in a heartbeat, I think that at least mine has equipped me with the skills to cope when things go wrong.

And I suppose it's all relative - another friend of mine has some of the things I hadn't (lovely childhood, from a wealthy family, etc). But they are very poorly with various illnesses, and to an outsider they'd probably look exceptionally lucky but they would consider me extremely lucky for my good health. So while I sometimes feel pangs of jealousy for the people who have the things I want, and wish I'd had, I am also aware and grateful for the things I do have.

On the world stage nearly everyone in the UK is breezing through life.

But on an individual basis some people have such tales of woe. Such awful lives and histories it is a marvel they keep going. Some don't, of course.

And I think few folk have truly blissful lives without any traumas or difficulties. It is just that most of us aren't privy to their private difficulties.

I've had a lucky life. From the moment of conception overall. There's been moments of trauma, of drama, of sadness and joy. But I'm mostly healthy, mostly loved and have few financial concerns on the day to day. And I recognise how truly lucky I am. And do my best not to fuck up what I'm given.

Then again, how different again to some child born into street prostitution in South America or a township in South Africa.

The spectrum is so insane.

Yes, it is the spectrum that I find so interesting I think. Because absolutely, every single person on the planet will have some form of challenge or difficulties in their life - but, some people really do seem to draw a short straw. Others seem disproportionately lucky I guess?

Most of the population are on the middle ground, but the outliers at the very lucky and very unlucky are interesting to me to think about. And the latter

I think there is a difference between hard luck, and the sort of unnatural hard luck that could ruin your life

Very much agree with this also.

I was one of the very fortunate ones. Good relationship and strong marriage, two perfect children, good job that challenged me and that I enjoyed, lovely relationships with all of our family, wonderful friends, a lovely house, financially secure. My younger child died last year and the world has changed from a wonderful and joyful place to a terrifying and uncertain one. I always had a feeling of ‘this is too good to be true’ because I was happy. I didn’t take anything for granted. I do think some people breeze through, and the sad thing is if they don’t realise it, and may be unhappy even though they seem to have it good because they fixate on the tiny things and perceive false injustices.

I would never wish the pain I am experiencing on my worst enemy, but I can see that I am going to come through this as a stronger person with a greater level of resilience. I was already very resilient which helps.

I agree that most people in the U.K. are breezing through by the very circumstance of their existence. Poverty in this country can be dire but is nothing compared to how many people live now in other countries, or would have done here throughout history.

Not going to go through an extensive list, but I am one of those people who have been plagued by shit my entire life. Partially due to childhood trauma, partially because that impaired my ability to make healthy and constructive choices for myself. I've worked on these, and for a long time I felt resentful that I hadn't had the type of life that others have had, but then, I wouldn't wish half the stuff I've been through on my worst enemy either!

It's just a luck of the draw, and has given me some key qualities that many others dont have.

@AbsentmindedWoman
I had a small-ish box of Lindt chocolate (clearly to prevent any low blood sugar!

.... and completely missing the point!

I think I've breezed through life relatively easily so far. My sister on the other hand has had nothing but trouble.

My biggest problems have been an unplanned pregnancy at 19 (dd1 is fantastic but it wasn't quite how I planned my life), and a miscarriage when I was 32. There have been other issues like grandma with Alzheimer's living with us when we were teen-agers, and my dad was very seriously ill while dd1 was very small, but they're pretty minor when I think of what some people go through.

My sister has had 2 abusive relationships (controlling/emotional abuse rather than physical), has had diabetes since she was a teenager, has arthritis even though she isn't even 40 yet, has had lots of employment problems and is now relying on benefits since losing her job in march due to covid. Her kids seem to have a lot of problems with their health as well, where mine are pretty healthy on the whole.

I've had a lovely life, lovely family growing up, met my DH at 17, married at 20, 2 children. The worst things that have ever happened to me are losing my Grandad (of natural old age related illness) when I was 26, he was the first person I've ever lost. And I had a MMC in 2018. In the grand scheme of things compared to friends that have lost parents young, or lost children etc I feel very lucky.

I've always had a feeling that I'm somehow on borrowed time, that something utterly horrendous will happen one day to make up for how lucky I've been so far in my life.

I think it's really complicated, there are a lot of people who have terrible things happen to them but are also very privileged in other ways or vice versa.
It's an interesting topic to me because I am someone who most would probably consider very unlucky - my 5 year old has an incurable and fatal muscle wasting disease. Which, yes, is as fucking awful as it sounds, but I wont go into that right now. However, although his diagnosis was certainly the worst thing to ever happen to me I wouldn't describe it as having ruined my life - he has a short life expectancy but I want him to live as full and positive of a life as possible, so seeing my own life as already over because of his disease is not the attitude I would like to pass on. It would also send an awful message to my other healthy child.
I am also very aware that I am very privileged to be able to live in suitable accommodation and own our own house, be able to cut my work hours to care for him and have access to excellent medical care and equipment. I speak to other families online in similar situations but from different socioeconomic backgrounds or from poorer countries who aren't so 'lucky'.

I know someone who on the surface has everything - money, house (mortgage paid for), savings. But it was all paid for using life insurance from a parent’s death when they were just a kid. Their son also has a moderate learning disability and now it turns out a close family member (one who fit into a substitute father role for them) is dying from the same thing that killed their father. On the surface though people might think they sailed through life.

Their friend also seems to land on their feet but was a child carer for a parent, worked illegally in some really dodgy places as a kid, lost that parent young, and now seems to have it together but is actually terrified of dying and spends every minute trying to improve their health.

Good or bad I’ve lived a life.

Be really careful because often the people with the biggest smiles, doing the most for other people, are just really good at disguising their obstacles. I also find these people are the punchbags for those that don't hide their obstacles. If that makes sense?!

My first daughter died, many years ago. I remember saying to my dad that I'd been through so much crap, I was hoping life would be all positive from then on.

His response was that in his experience, life was a rollercoaster - he was right. Although nothing has ever been that bad again (fingers crossed).

I know what you mean op. Some people seem to always land on their feet no matter what. And yes I know we all have our problems but there are levels to problems and some are worse than others.

I would put myself in the middle. I've had some really rough years, last year in particular was just one kick in the teeth after an other.

I sometimes find myself wondering is life always going to be a struggle?

But I do count my blessings, no matter my problems I know I have it better than most.

For my friend, today is the 1 yr anniversary of the sudden death of her 6 week old daughter. 3yrs ago her 4 yr old daughter died from a long term illness. To lose 2 children is horrific. Puts thing in perspective.

Yes I know someone whose life has been an absolute breeze.

I wouldn’t want to start listing examples because it could be outing, but she’s experienced no hardship in her life whatsoever.

Beautiful, effortlessly slim, great hair, great skin, lovely family, happy parents who adore her, no illness, no bereavements, perfect husband/house/kids... the type of person who goes to the beach and doesn’t have a bead of sweat while I lie there white and pink and sweating with Monica hair.

Everything is effortless, comes easy, little stress, other people doing the dirty work (cleaners etc) no conflicts.

It’s annoying and there seems no rhyme or reason for why one person suffers terribly in life and another has no worries.

For my friend, today is the 1 yr anniversary of the sudden death of her 6 week old daughter. 3yrs ago her 4 yr old daughter died from a long term illness. To lose 2 children is horrific. Puts thing in perspective.

It most certainly does. My life has been many challenges but I have never experienced anything as devastating as that.

I think some people definitely do more than others. I know someone who was the pretty, popular, clever, sporty, everything really, at school. She didn't even seem to try, it just came naturally. Fast forward a few years and she has the perfect husband, job, child, house, everything. Yes she has had the occasional sad event, such as grandparents and pets dying, but we all do. Up to now she's breezed through life no question.

I know people who have cruised through life but never realise just how good it's been for them. Then they can't wait to tell you how great things are for them despite knowing at times that your life is a bit shite.
Then if the smallest thing goes wrong they fall to bits. I know other people that have come through hard times, kids been sick, money worries, losing jobs ect but came out the otherside.
I think that if you go through a few hard times you learn as a person and you appericate the better times when they come.

My mum is always saying this about my brother and me.

I am the 'unlucky' one (nothing compared to a lot of people) but he always seems to land on his feet and be in the right place at the right time.

He hasn't been completely unscathed, there was a stint of verbal bullying in primary school and a serious bike accident as a young adult plus our dad wasn't the easiest man to live with (not abusive or anything).

I think partly, he worked out what career he wanted quite young and has aimed for it whereas it took me a while to find my goals. Plus has had no real problems health wise and met the right partner quite young with no glitches.

Without sounding like a martyr, I'm glad it was this way round and I didn't have to watch him struggle against the tide.

I know someone who has totally breezed through life; great childhood with fantastic parents, made loads of lifelong friends, never bullied, pretty, slim, attractive, married a wealthy man who adores her, two perfect kids (boy then girl, natch), massive house, great cook, hosts dinner parties all the time, exotic holidays, supportive family who have the kids anytime she and her husband fancy having a romantic minibreak, friends who adore her. Honestly, I could go on and on! She really does seem to lead a charmed life!

However, there are a lot of people who, on the surface, appear to 'have it all'. Behind the scenes there may be all sorts of things going on that no one knows about.

This. Our perceptions of people's lives are built on the bits they choose to tell us about, and in particular what people post on social media. Some people use Facebook as a rant space to let off steam, others use it to try and pick some kind of positivity out of their day. If you post too much negative stuff then you're seen as a moaner or a negative person, and if you post too many pictures of cakes you've made then you get accused of showing off your perfect life. It really can change people's view of you but either way you can't win.

Some people do actually seem to get away without the tragidies others are faced with many. I know several families with the most horrendous situations ( health/ death) nothing they did has caused this.
So.e people do bring it on themselves with behaviour.
Different perspective also or someone up thread mentioned is someone comparing poor career choice with someone else's multiple family deaths and nasty illnesses.
Some appear to to have the perfect life but would shock you if you knew what they had been through.