Employer making life VERY difficult.

[Titslikepicassos]

Supposed to be returning from MAT leave in June, have childcare arranged and as a key worker they will still take my baby - excellent.

Had a team meeting with work this week to discuss going back and have been told that I have to relocate as my partner works on the same site as me - which has been known since I informed them we were in a relationship, however the policy changed in October (before I went on MAT leave). While we are on the same site, our jobs are separate and we are working in different buildings, have different managers and different hours. The different hours means I will need to do drop offs and pick ups to coincide with opening and closing hours.

So during the middle of a pandemic, with child care mostly closed I now have to find a new nursery, lose a significant term time deposit and start the settling in process all over again. Not only that, they have told me to find my own employment within the company - my head is exploding with all of this. AIBU to think this is an unnecessary ball ache!

I appreciate that this is a minor problem given the amount of people losing jobs!

I’m going to tell them that they can have a meeting with DP as this will impact him if a suitable risk assessment can’t be found.

As I’m required by law have my job back, I’ll sign a risk assessment on my return to work.

Aaaaaand... am I supposed to be relaying any of this back to DP. I’m not his P.A why is no one approaching him. He’s had no contact since his meeting, no update, no minutes.

Tell them they need to inform your DP.

For them to request YOU to do it, is yet ANOTHER breach of GDPR.

Stress in your grievance the upset that this has caused you whist you are on Mat Leave.

The cheek of them to argue about the minutes, having repeatedly been asked for them and refusing to supply them to you.

Don't accept any correction of them.

Well done, alot of women myself included up until I had my first child never questioned the accuracy of my employers. I had a verbal confirmation of a pay increase disappear and a move to a senior role removed once I announced my pregnancy but as i had accepted verbal confirmation i had no evidence.

It's not a mistake you'll make twice, as said before you will now have to document everything. Once back to work if your manager calls you in for a chat, pit your phone on record in your pocket. By yourself a cheap diary and keep a daily record of little comments- do it before you drive home from work so its fresh and leave in your glove compartment so your not carrying the mental load. You'll be surprised what little comments will happen over the course of a day that you wouldn't normally recognise.

HR seem to be constantly misunderstanding me so I’ve now escalated and informed the regional manager’s manager that I intend to start a grievance.

This is hard

If I were you OP, I'd just keep reiterating that I will be returning from Mat leave on X date. Every time you have any communication, that's all I'd respond with. As OP have said, the onus isn't on you; your only obligation is to keep them informed of your return date.

Another ex union rep here ... in contrast to the previous one, I'd say make sure you raise a formal grievance in plenty of time as there are often time limits on a) submitting grievance and b) how long the employer gets to respond. It concentrates the mind of HR and you can agree to drop it if you reach a solution you're happy with.

Agree informal approach is the first step but it sounds as if you've done that.
Make sure DH is also in (the same) union, he will need separate representation and they may be able to support him more quickly as he's not yet directly affected.

OP, the constant misunderstanding you is deliberate, and is an attempt to confuse and gaslight you.

Keep reiterating your return date.

Grievance has been acknowledged.

Argh. Thanks for all your help and support during this bit, not sure I would have been brave enough to even get this far without it

Wow, OP, you've got them running about like headless chickens. Your manager must have felt pretty smug, using the new policy to get their mate in your post on a permanent basis and flicking you off to some other site regardless of the difficulties it was going to cause you in terms of childcare.

It's come back and bitten them on the arse, rather. Well done you for standing up for yourself and making them do things properly.

What does your solicitor say?

Nothing yet, currently going through the grievance to add relevant laws and to make it watertight.

Had an email from HR business partner.

I’ve definitely done the right thing yes?! I really love my job, probably going to have to leave now regardless

You 10000000000% have done the right thing.

I have so much respect for you for challenging this. It’s absolutely not easy and that’s what the organisation will be relying on. So many people would feel they don’t have the energy to “fight”, but the fact you are means someone who maybe doesn’t have them same support or tenacity won’t have to.

Has your DP joined the union?

Can you get in touch with your rep or executive committee member and ask for some support. Even if they can’t actually guide you through the process, offering a listening ear and moral support could be beneficial.

Yes you have done the right thing! You wont have to leave your job.

I know some one who did something similiar to you, and when she went back to work, her manager was apologetic about what happened.

You are in the right

Thanks both.

DP is in the process of a joining a union

I’ll phone mine next week and get some support.

Just worried that process will be awful and I’ll cry. My boss is terrifying and has had several complaints made about her but I’m concerned that the people who might be witnesses would rather not get involved as they’re scared of repercussions.

You have nothing to lose - what’s the worst she can do to you ? She wants to move you and you are saying “no thats my decision to make not yours”. If by flagging this it causes her to back down then you win, if not she has you moved and you are no worse off than at the start of all this.

For the sake of your family this stand you are making is so worth it. At a minimum it proves you have self confidence and tenacity - good traits that every manager should have.
Tbh it would weaken your image as a manger if you did not go through these steps. Who would let someone get away with this without putting up a bit of resistance?

It’s a battle - she wants it not you but you are only doing what is right by standing up for yourself.

It’s work, she’s not your friend, and once it’s over she will move onto a new target.

@Titslikepicassos your boss can't kill you. Let her be scary all she wants. Everything is on your side in this situation.

She's scary because so far it's worked for her. I've had a few run ins with people of this type, and once you stand up to them, they quite often back down.

Thanks again all.

Will update, I imagine this will be long and drawn out process

It is outrageous that the company doesn’t want you to work on the same site because of “potential pillow talk” yet is expecting you to do just that and relay information to your dp. Furthermore several of your colleagues have done precisely what they’re suggesting you would do if you and your dp were allowed to work on the same site by breaching GDPR. Are they seriously that thick? I’d be going for the jugular. Idiots.

Does your company have links with an employee assistance type set up? They often provide counsellors which might be useful to chat with. Neutral space to talk through.

@Mummyoflittledragon - DP and I were literally just discussing this - they want all the meetings we have regarding this to be together and for me to keep him in loop - madness!

@boscoismyspiritanimal - I don’t think so but that would be helpful right now - think I’m boring DP to death with my rage

Rooting for you OP. You're doing the right thing and you're being extremely brave even if you feel scared.

You’re fabulous tits.

I read that as you've fabulous tits 🤣🤣