Help me support my friend. Wedding related.

[Chiyo666]

My friend and he partner have been together for 6 years, and are engaged. She has never particularly wanted to get married, but made a compromise because she loves him. However he adamant she does not want a wedding. This started off fine, but is now becoming an issue as he really wants a big celebration with friends and family and it is literally her worst nightmare. She has been here almost everyday in tears and is considering ending their relationship.
I am on her side, because the reason he wants a big wedding is not to upset his mother. I’m of the belief that she’s had her wedding and it’s none of her business how they get married, but I appreciate I am biased as I love my friend.

Who is being unreasonable, if anyone?
I don’t know how to support my friend, other than just to tell her to go with what she feels his best but I feel like she just needs some practical advise.

Any mn wisdom would be awesome. Thankyou.

The OP says her friend does not like the fact that marriage is a legal contract which will entitle her husband to half her stuff. I think they have far bigger problems than a wedding.

The OP is fine with breaking the law re distancing - after all the NHS will make her better if she gets ill and as long as everybody else stays home she'll be fine.

(Her friend is probably doing the same all over town - and is ok with it too)

the compromise by the friend was agreeing to get married at all!

He needs to run for the hills then. I can't see a marriage working if one half doen't want to get married. TBH the friend sounds like hard work.

I think they have far bigger problems than a wedding.

I agree.

She absolutely is hard work. But I love her dearly. The most frustrating thing is we all know after half an hour she will relax and be fine, but she’s not willing to do it.

Relationships are about compromising. She may be ok after half an hour as you say, but maybe she is not ready for marriage.

10 guests is a very reasonable compromise from her fiancee. That's not many people at all, by the time you include close family. And then you can plan the day in a way that isn't all about everyone looking at you. You don't have to have speeches, or photos, or cake cutting. She and her fiance can plan it to be very low key, but special for them with the people they love. She is being extremely unreasonable not to accept that as a good compromise, given that she's already agreed to the marriage.

There seem to be many issues here.

However, if the only important issue is she doesn't want to be the centre of attention and he and his mum want a big party, I'd suggest a quiet wedding, and then a very large milestone birthday celebration for him in the future. That way he can have a big party with all his friends and family, and the day won't be about her.