How old were you when your clock started ticking?

[catsonmysocks]

I am 30 next year, and in the last year I have felt more and more aware of my bio clock. Up until this point I've felt I have all the time in the world, assumed all okay health wise and concentrated on other things - buying a house, work, saving etc etc.

I now look around me and many people my age already have children - some even say they're done having them now. And then there are those around 10 years younger than me having children. I don't feel or think I look young anymore, and worry about how much longer I can wait. It feels like my generation has moved forward on to the next stage in life whereas i am stuck where I am.

I know women have children in their 40s, but I think it's a big risk to wait until then and assume all will be ok because I may not even be fertile by that point. But I don't think I will ever be ready financially, Job wise etc etc. I just feel time is running out I suppose

Please can someone tell me I'm being ridiculous?

Hmmm. I don’t think it is all cultural myth or brainwashing. There is a real urge that can manifest and it makes you almost obsessed with wanting a baby

Wierdly, mine started ticking at 34 AFTER I’d had my 4 DCs.

I had no baby urge before then. I just knew I wanted to have children and biologically it was best to get them born before age 30. So I planned my life that way. What I did not expect was to be hit with a sudden urge to have another baby at 34 when I was supposedly done. I missed being pregnant. I didn’t want to believe that phase of my life was over. That the next time I might hold a baby could be in twenty years as a grandmother. It was a real struggle, but my mind won out and I did not have any more. Now, years later, I am very happy and don’t feel the clock ticking anymore.

It was more of an intellectual decision and my DH was the one who tentatively brought it up, but 32. I had my first and only at 34.

I had my children at 27 & 30, my second is only 8 weeks old but I'm done.

I have two beaut children but I had an ectopic and 2 miscarriages in between them and so so much heartbreak that came with in, and I'm lucky really in "only" enduring that - I have friends who have had it so much worse.

Looking back on my journey, we started earlier than we liked because "it might take time" and DS was conceived first throw. DD had the aforementioned heart ache over 18 months and I know that was "plain sailing" in terms of what friends have been through. You can't plan how easy it is going to be - I wouldn't want to leave it much later TBH.

As a feminist, I’m sure socialisation does play it’s part in women feeling the click us tucking. However, for me it wasn’t the feeling that something was missing that I needed to fill with a baby, or the sense that I should do it because it was the done thing. Far from it, infect, as at 27 none of my friends had settled down and it was really the opposite of what my peers were doing. I think most people in my life thought I was about to fuck my career, give up a fantastic social life...and that I had gone a bit mad . And I had, actually!

For me, ‘broodiness’ was about my utter love and passion for my DH and feeling the desperate need to create a baby with him. It was a sort of hormonal insanity, looking back at it now.

clock is ticking!

36. I'd always assumed that if I was going to have a baby I'd need to have met the father before I turned 35. I realised I wasn't bothered about a partner but my clock was suddenly ticking very loudly. I think it was a combination of my age, owning a house, being settled at work and life generally coming together. I have an 18 month old now!

@HolyWells - no I can't. It says what it is - a study of the biological clock.

I agree that the women were 'encouraged' to stay at home and reproduce instead of work - but that is different from the biological clock. The biological clock is the fact that we lose eggs as we get older.

The feeling we get at a certain age - I think is like when you cut out chocolate and then crave it, you think you can't have it so crave it more.

@HolyWells, you're incorrect.
Go back a bit further, before the 1970s and everyone was married and preggers by 21.
Or left on shelf.
Women over 25 rarely got married, if they werent by then.

Biological clock wasn't a thing because society enforced the young marriage rule, and not getting married was stigmatised. And there was no contraception.

People didn't do anything else because the consequences were dire. Into the 1980s still.

28. But that was after I met my DH. I was 33 when I had my first and a m/c and secondary infertility until I got pregnant again at 38.

Yes, our fertility decreases as we age. However, to what degree they are infertile is individual. I wouldn't let "baby fever" drive all your decisions right now...

I was very broody from my late teens once I met my dh, but waited until until dh also wanted children.

It was important to me that the father was very keen to become one. So that took nearly a decade until he was ready but having babies was always at the front of my mind throughout that time.

28

I wasn’t ever conscious of a biological clock ticking.
I became pregnant at 29 and it felt right.
I certainly felt a biological urge to have another child soon after my first was born ( I mean months afterwards, not instantly !)
After my second child was born ( when I was 31)
My body never felt the urge again.

I'm 29 and feel it now. We just bought a house and had hoped to try later this year after just being normal for a bit but who knows how long all this coronavirus stuff will go on? My job, which was already a fixed term contract, will certainly not be renewed and I guess we'll have to decide whether to try without me having a job if I haven't gotten another when it ends. I definitely want 2 as well because I hated being an only child.

Late 20s. I just thought I'd better get on with it, but I wasn't a broody type.

28-29 (now 35). It started with a vague feeling of wanting a pet (followed loads of cute baby animal accounts on Instagram), feeling quite jealous of pregnancy announcements & pregnant women, and secretly hoping my period would come late even BF and I were still using contraception.

The feeling intensified dramatically into my early 30s, made harder through one chemical pg and one missed miscarriage. When I finally had DD two years ago it was like the biggest almighty itch being scratched! Having a baby/toddler is every bit as amazing as I imagined and loving every second.

But interestingly, I feel absolutely no broodiness for a second. Seeing pregnant women only makes me feel huge relief that I'm not longer pregnant myself, and seeing other people's babies makes me happy for them and lovingly nostalgic for DD's infant days. However there's no desire at all to experience all that again with a "new baby" if that makes sense.

28/29 I started getting a bit tetchy about people falling pregnant and talking about babies. It made me uncomfortable and insecure even though I’d not really factored being a mother into my life. I started to accept that if I ever fell accidentally pregnant I would be having a baby. That was how my clock ticked.

I always knew i wanted children and wanted one with my boyfriend when I was 20.
At 23 I had this overwhelming need to have a baby, my son way born when I was 24.
Very much wanted but not very well planned.
Im 34 now and would love another one but not in a clock ticking, driven, needing way it was then.
Im too sensible now to do it all again in any case.

25 I had twinges but in a bad relationship. Met father of my children at 26 then it really hit me. Had first at 31.

39 - I went to the GP surgery to get a repeat prescription for the pill and the nurse said "if you want a baby, now would be a good time to bin that prescription and get started, just incase you can't conceive and need help". I realised she was right, told myself it was now or never and luckily I conceived a month later. I had my second and last baby at 44.

You have plenty of time left, ten years+.

28 and I had my first child at 34 second at 37. In an ideal world I'd have liked to had them earlier as being a slightly older mum is difficult. Many of my friends have older teenagers now.

I never had a 'moment', I just always wanted kids and was waiting for the right time. I had my daughter at 31, 2 months after completing on our first house, which was rather a tight timeframe.

I don't wish I'd left it later, but I do wish I'd packed more life in before I had kids. If you are not in a position to have them right now, I urge you to seize life by the balls and do everything you dream of (however trivial) while you have the chance. There are a lot of thing it's far harder to do once you've had kids.

I had my first two children in my early 30s. Thought I was done and was happy. Couldn't understand why anyone would want more than 2 children. Then at 38 the urge for a 3rd was overwhelming. Came out of the blue but it was a really strong urge. Went on to have a 4th soon after. And I am definitely done now!

I never believed in the biological clock until the absolute desire for a third. I totally believe in it now.

I’m almost 30 and have been battling with an intense desire to have children that came on suddenly when I was 18 and hasn’t let up since. I had a miscarriage when I was 20- the year I was due to turn 21 and the last (approx) 9 years have been torturing in respect to the loss, the desire, and the fact that more and more people you know start to settle down as you older. There was a time when I couldn’t even look at a pregnant woman.

At our age, we still have enough time. But it is really hard emotionally.

I feel like no-one really talks about what it’s like to desperately want to start a family of your own- for years and years, but to not even have the opportunity to try. I’ve been in a relationship for almost six years and it’s just not on the cards anytime soon- we can’t even live together because he is not in full-time work, although hopefully after this lockdown he will find a stable job and then we can go from there. He is several years older than me. For now I’m stuck in a house share, but trying to make the best of my life and put away some savings.

You’re not alone and it’s really good that you’ve been able to focus on buying a house, saving and your work. Time isn’t ‘running out’ but will start to be of the essence over the next few-several years so I guess, just make sure if you’re with someone you’re on the same page. And if you’re not, all the best finding someone who wants the same things as you. And live your life to the full in the meantime and stay healthy.

The first time I felt the overwhelming desire to have a baby was when I was 12 and visiting a neighbour and her new baby in hospital. It sort of lay dormant through my teenage years but started to pick back up in my early 20s. Soon as I was married at 25 it went bonkers, finally persuaded DH after a year of marriage and had DS at 27. Haven't had the feeling since and am now 31.