Teens eating till sick (barfy, stomach ache) - help.

[questionzzz]

DD17 and DS14. I'm the lone parent, three of us. They're both very sporty and fit, DD is a lifeguard, DS plays basketball etc. We always joke with other moms about teen appetites. I cook one "proper", good, large nutritious meal a day, and they get themselves sandwiches, noodles, snack on crackers and fruit, leftovers, and there's often a treat with our orders, chocolate, gummy bears etc. With the lockdown, they workout at home, both are very body-conscious, their friends are too. We get restaurant delivery every two weeks as my big treat and break from cooking/cleaning.

The point is, there's always good food around, always has been, never any food shortage. DD has had a couple of episodes since childhood for overeating something which suddenly appeal to her until she's sick- I remember an unfortunate one involving summer plums. But they seem to be acting like starving ferrets these days. They always seem to be fighting over the "good" parts of the meal (the chicken breasts or whatver) even though there's plenty. As for ice cream and stuff, it's like a warzone. Once or twice a week, especially DD will be complaining of "feeling barfy", and we can usually trace it back to her eating too much, too fast.

Last night they made a chocolate cake from cake-mix, a new favourite thing to do. Actually I saw this morning that there's still some left- but DD was barfing by 11, and DS was moaning from a stomach ache and trying to poo at 3 am. A bad night all around.
The cake was fine btw, I'd also had a slice.

Anyway I find myself keeping to have to talk to them about regulating themseves around food and especially desserts, not overindulging etc but I'm so sick of trying to deal with it. they know all the health inside-out btw, they're more up-to-date and knowledgable than I am about calories etc.

Sorry for the long rant. Advice on how to deal? Just needed to rant a bit. Is this normal? Thanks :)

Just a though but sounds a bit like attention seeking maybe? A 17 year old knows when they're full, and the consequences of their actions. What would happen do you think if you refused to engage in any conversation around feeling 'barfy', rather than 'oh dear, I'm sure you'll remember next time' and change the subject? And same with night time nonsense, don't engage? Replace the attention you give this with some other constructive one to one attention? Idk, just a thought.

They're probably bored. I've noticed myself snacking so much more during lockdown. I've had to try really hard to stop 😕 And it must be worse for teens who are really feeling the lack of social interaction right now

Are they drinking enough water? Are they eating in front of screens?

You try cutting all the treats out, to get them to fill up on wholemeal toast instead? Not quite as appealing?!

Thanks for the responses and sorry for the late reply...
@ScrewBalls99 imagine cutting the occasional treats (once a week) at this time and feeding them wholemeal toast all the time :( it would take a stricter parent than I... And anyway they are going through the toast at a pretty reckless pace...
@pandarific yes definitely some attention-seeking going on there. I know. Just getting tired of it, don't want to pander to it anymore and just wish they would stop eating when they were full.
@purplecorkheart DS is actually very good about hydration... it's not mindless snacking so much, what i am seeing, more like a kind of atavistic greed, if that makes sense? Like just gorging on the chocolate cake, or the meal, or when the once-aweek ice cream comes in. .

Sorry I have no idea what your question is? You let your children eat until they’re sick and now it annoys you? Okay so, stop buying shit? Completely ignore it if you think it’s attention seeking.

@user Yes. But the point is, they're 14 and 17, and I don't want to be policing their eating as if they were small children. As another user poined out, by this age they should be able to self-regulate.
But it looks like I need to, and I'm not relishing it. Ugh. Something else that needs be done.

they get themselves sandwiches, noodles, snack on crackers and fruit, leftovers, and there's often a treat with our orders, chocolate, gummy bears etc
They are a bit old for gummy bears. And they sound greedy. Don't 'police' their eating, just restrict supplies of shit that they gorge themselves on.

They are a bit old for gummy bears

What?! I love gummy bears! What’s the age limit for them?

No age limit on gummy bears in this house either... First time since the pandemic that we got gummy bears with our order, after a lot of begging.

They are greedy. I want them to stop being greedy.

So many different things could be going on here. Assuming they are not trying to divert your attention away from some sort of silly experimentation with drink or drugs , I agree the most likely explanation is they are bored.

You say they are both sporty. Are they both competitive with each other? This is arm chair psychology obviously but if your ds is at the age where he is starting to challenge his older sister, they may be trying to outdo one another , and under lockdown, food has become the means through which this battle is fought? Maybe?

If this is the case, perhaps you could redirect their competitiveness in to some other activity, such as table tennis or card games or a bread making or window cleaning competition or something?

I would definitely cut down on some (but not all) treats for a while and maybe get them cooking some vegetarian/healthy dishes for the family too? And maybe split them up a bit more if they goading one another on?

Assuming you are not shielding, are there any voluntary activities going on in your local community that your eldest could participate in, such as prepping and delivering food to those who are isolated/less fortunate?

I agree with you @questionzzz and the PP who says they should be able to self regulate, but you’re buying enough stuff for them to constantly graze on crap but you’re also making them large meals - I’m genuinely not trying to have a go but you’re the one getting stuff into the house, right? So stop buying gummy bears and noodles and all the stuff they snack on. Then they have their large meal. Or they graze and that’s it and they’re old enough to cook for themselves.

Smart casual I think you have made good points and suggestions.

Why are they only eating one meal and then loads of snacks?

Is there food in the house for them to make themselves a proper meal for lunch and breakfast, or do they have no choice but to pick at things?

Is there a reason lunch isn't a meal? E.g. sandwiches or jacket with tuna or ham, salads and fruit, nuts, yogurts, hummus and crudites etc?

It sounds like they are hungry because they're not eating enough proper food.

There's been heaps of threads about my teen constantly eating but skinny. They need protein and good fats. Carbs and sweet things won't give them a feeling of satiety so yes they will endlessly eat.

Likewise breakfast. Make it a proper meal. Omelettes and bacon, Mexican breakfast beans etc. Try some recipes.

Portion wise at dinner maybe the portions are too small. Do they always clear their plates? If so maybe you need bigger portions! 2 chicken breasts not just one for example.

Hi again.

So yes, we do have lunch, exactly as described by @vanillandhoney. They will fix themselves a tuna or cheese sandwich or eat leftovers or something like that. And they have breakfast, the usual, cereal, eggs, avacado toast another popular recent hit. Only the evening meal, which we tend to have between 5-6 is the proper, sit-down meal where we all eat together. They sometimes help with parts of the food prep, not always (generally they're fairly decent about chores). I like having a "family meal" every day, we had it growing up, and food is a very social thing in our family. I like cooking too, I am not resentful about that.
The snacking / competitive eating begins in the vast expanse of the evening, say from 7ish to bedtime (always a tussle these days, midnight should be the latest but it's not, let's be real). It desn't matter how much/how much protein and chicken they've eaten at 5:30. By 8 they're eating again. The dessert stuff usually goes the first evening the order comes in (which we've been getting about once a week). After that it is more toast, fruit, nuts, granola bar, until the next order. We don't have "pudding" with the main evening meal.

The problems are I guess then typing it out like this, the dessert nights, unless DD happens to be enjoying a particular fruit or snack, when again we have the "barfy feeling".

Also competitiveness, yes, I can see that too. DD does say that I feed DS more (although the reality is- he just eats more). She gets wound up when she knows he's going to eat most of the ice cream and I just hate portioning the stuff between them. (but I have to anyway)

They were both very social (in their sport and school circles) so yes staying at home and all that taken from them is very hard emotionally. DD used to be lifeguarding at local pools 3 times a week, one evening at weeknights and twice on weekend, and DS would be at the basketball court a few times a week.

Just hoping for things to ease for summer, I guess.

I think this is normal.

No one has mentioned it yet, and I'd definitely consider all the other suggestions first... but is there any chance they could be developing bulimia?

You could do with sitting down and talking to them. Ask them why they stuff themselves. Try watching the process. Are they afraid of losing out to someone else who is also eating a lot? Are there fights over the last biscuit? I don't think this is about being hungry. There's something else going on. There must be some more information about this somewhere as I don't think you're alone.

@curiosity you know, i worry about that too... The daughter of one of my close friends suffers from anorexia -has been for several years, in and out of hospital, absolutely horrific expereince for the family- and I've heard about similar eating disorders in the kids of colleagues and work acquaintances. As I mentioned, mine are very body-conscious too, DS does that silly thing of lifting his shirt every 5 minutes and studying his abs in the mirror, and the ironical thing is, despite all the eating and snacking I've been writing about, and the lack of exercise,he has actually lost weight during the lockdown (we don't have scales though, I don't know how much, deliberate choice)

I just want food to be a pleasant, family thing, you know?

It sounds as if they're eating too early, getting hungry again ( maybe out of boredom) and then because you have sweet stuff in, they're eating it.
Having brought up many teenagers not one has done this. If they eat too early and stay up for another 7/8 hours they're naturally going to be hungry. So they have a bowl of cereal or a couple of pieces of toast. And just say No to the rest of the crap, I know you don't want to police it but a 17 year old who is eating enough to make herself sick isn't normal behaviour

Eat dinner at 7

This sounds like some kind of eating disorder like bulimia/binging.I have had anorexia myself.
You say they are sporty and body conscious normally do the access to all these treats so are treating themselves because they can.I guess they are.restricted from th for normal activities so they are controlling their emotions through food.....been there done that myself.
I wouldn't buy the binge food.
I have used this lockdown to make my overweight husband's lunch.
He had a heart attack a.few years.ago and still over eats.He has lost weight through walking and.cutting back portion sizes.

I wouldn't have much time or sympathy for this. At 14 and 17 they know what will happen if they overeat. Make sure your stash of treats is hidden separately and completely disengage with the nonsense. Let them sort themselves out and tell them not to be so stupid next time. If they didn't buck up I'd stop buying them treats because the moaning would annoy me.