Teens eating till sick (barfy, stomach ache) - help.

[questionzzz]

DD17 and DS14. I'm the lone parent, three of us. They're both very sporty and fit, DD is a lifeguard, DS plays basketball etc. We always joke with other moms about teen appetites. I cook one "proper", good, large nutritious meal a day, and they get themselves sandwiches, noodles, snack on crackers and fruit, leftovers, and there's often a treat with our orders, chocolate, gummy bears etc. With the lockdown, they workout at home, both are very body-conscious, their friends are too. We get restaurant delivery every two weeks as my big treat and break from cooking/cleaning.

The point is, there's always good food around, always has been, never any food shortage. DD has had a couple of episodes since childhood for overeating something which suddenly appeal to her until she's sick- I remember an unfortunate one involving summer plums. But they seem to be acting like starving ferrets these days. They always seem to be fighting over the "good" parts of the meal (the chicken breasts or whatver) even though there's plenty. As for ice cream and stuff, it's like a warzone. Once or twice a week, especially DD will be complaining of "feeling barfy", and we can usually trace it back to her eating too much, too fast.

Last night they made a chocolate cake from cake-mix, a new favourite thing to do. Actually I saw this morning that there's still some left- but DD was barfing by 11, and DS was moaning from a stomach ache and trying to poo at 3 am. A bad night all around.
The cake was fine btw, I'd also had a slice.

Anyway I find myself keeping to have to talk to them about regulating themseves around food and especially desserts, not overindulging etc but I'm so sick of trying to deal with it. they know all the health inside-out btw, they're more up-to-date and knowledgable than I am about calories etc.

Sorry for the long rant. Advice on how to deal? Just needed to rant a bit. Is this normal? Thanks :)

Is it because there’s a limited amount of “nice” food and each is worried that the other one will eat it all and they won’t get their fair share? So they’re stuffing themselves to stop the other one eating it iyswim

Move lunch later.
Have less trigger foods in the house. Treats fine but take out the ice cream and cake mix for a week or two. It’s likely just a boredom phase but you might as well help yourself and them get through it.

Sorry, meant to say move lunch and dinner later. Have dinner at 7.

It sounds as though you need to toughen up. Are you ordering food online? Then put in the order for a week without their input, refusing to add things they beg for, eg gummi bears, ice-cream, sweet stuff. The hi fructose corn syrup affects the body’s ability to know when to stop eating. Use the lack of dentists as a reason. There’s nothing wrong with toast, crackers, cheese, wraps, etc.

Are they accustomed to eating with team-mates after sports training and events? Maybe this is an unconscious continuation of that habit.

Binge eating disorder (BED) is definitely a real thing and while it might not be, it's definitely worth bearing in mind.

Eating to the point of self harm (pain or puking) is something that I'd say is concerning, especially given that it's happening during a pandemic which is taking its toll on a lot of people's mental health.

Either way, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship with food. I think having an individual heart to heart with each about how they feel when they're eating like this is probably a good start.

Here are some resources which might help. BEAT is a good starter.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/binge-eating/

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/types/binge-eating-disorder

They’re regularly eating themselves to the point they’re sick, they’re 14 and 17 years old, and they’re not learning from this themselves?? Crikey.

I think you’ll have to buy less food or make less food available to them because this is a ridiculously gluttonous situation.

Is everyone healthy weights? Because sometimes the illusion of being active can psychologically mask a problem.

Don't buy the dessert stuff!! Don't buy the ice cream! Say you have to cut back and that's it!

Don't let them make cake mix cakes! Get them to look up Mary Berry's chocolate cake and they can make that once or twice a week, and when it's gone it's gone. And they can spend some of all their time looking up cool recipes like blueberry and coconut cake and trying that out.

Get them cooking supper one night a week? Make supper 6 not 5.30 so they don't need a snack before bed? Get them into cool chutneys and quince jelly so they have a couple of small crackers with cheese and chutney as evening snack if they really need it?

You don't have to tell them not to eat ice cream if you just don't buy it.

But I agree I'd be worried if my dd ate until she was throwing up. I'd talk to her. A lot.

Ive known teens eat until they are sick out of sheer greed. I've done it once or twice myself. I remember a boyfriend of mine eating a whole tub of ice cream to himself when he was 17 and throwing it back up. He wasn't the least concerned and didn't have bulemia. I seem to remember he did it because he didn't want to share the ice cream with his brother so he ate it all himself before the brother could get any. 🙄 It's normal for teens to do stupid things like that sometimes.

So I think it's probably just boredom causing it to happen more frequently than it otherwise would combined with the thought that if they don't eat the goodies straight away the sibling will get it all.

The only thing to do is not buy the offending foods. Tedious to have to withdraw treats at a time like this but teens can be stupid enough to spoil such treats.

Personally I'd stop the snacks coming in completely. Even my 13 yr old kid with ASD learns a lesson from overeating something, especially the last (second time in his life) time when I read the riot act, stop indulging it!

Sorry this thread has made me laugh.

Trying to poo at 3am and gummy bear age limits!

If i ate dinner at 5pm I'd be grazing all evening too, that's bonkers early. I'd make dinner 3ish hours before bed, then much less time for them to get hungry.

Also stop buying all the crap, make them bake properly instead of using cakemix and give them zero sympathy and a quick refresher on not being an idiot when they eat themselves sick.

Its all very well saying teens should be able to regulate, but yours obviously don't know how so you need to take it back to toddler level, unfortunately.

You say you make them a proper "nutritious" meal a day... What about breakfast and lunch?

I feel like there's a LOT to unpick here, and others have made very sensible points about competition between the two of them, and attention seeking. But I feel like there could be some really easy things you could do to curb this to a degree.

First up, increase breakfasts and lunches. One "proper" meal a day isn't enough for that age group, however much they are grazing during the day. All this grazing implies they are either hungry, or bored. Tackle the "hungry" by increasing the size of the "formal" meals. The age your kids are is peek growing ages, where they can be bottomless pits for food, but it needs channeling.

Secondly, once you've got proper, substantial meals up and running, stop buying the stuff for grazing. They don't need noodles or rounds of toast, if it's only an hour until lunch time, do they? Their eating is mindless and they are storing up habits of over-eating, which will catch up with them in later years. You are still the adult in this house, so it's down to you to take control of it.

Think back to your own teenage years, what did they look like in terms of food?
Thinking back to my own teen years on days I was at home... Breakfast was 2 slices of toast, never had mid-morning snacks. Lunch was when we had a full cooked meal, and then some sort of pudding, something like a yoghurt or a bit of cake. Mid-afternoon usually nothing but sometimes might have had a couple of biscuits or a kitkat. Tea would have been a round of sandwiches, some fruit, crisps, maybe some more cake. Mid-evening probably a bag of crisps.
I imagine you were broadly similiar OP.

As for the "I've got a belly ache/I need to poo at 3am", ignore it. They are old enough to manage that themselves.

FWIW ds (17) is very sporty and into healthy eating to bulk up and has thrown up several times recently. I can't police what he eats as he's given up eating with all of us and has no respect for adults anyway.

It’s not normal, either the bingeing or competitive eating.
I would say Stop buying the crap completely, move the meals later and after dinner, the only option is a slice of toast or a piece of fruit. There’s no need for continuous bingeing.
I fill my teen DS’s up with lots of carbs at dinner time and you can add more veg. For protein it’s a chicken breast each, for example, no arguments, one each. If I let them, they would mindless eat me out of house & home.

If dinner is at 5pm, I'm not surprised their snacking well into the evening. If I ate my main meal at that time, I would be starving by 8pm and wanting something fairly substantial to tide me over until breakfast. 5pm until say 8-9am without a meal is a long time for a teenager.

Delay your evening meal until 7pm or so and include a dessert as standard - yoghurt and fruit, cheese and crackers etc. If dinner is later, they have less time to "kill" before bed.

Maybe do something like dinner and then encourage them to find an activity to do in the evening that will stop them snacking. I have to admit if I had dinner at 5pm and then no meal or anything until breakfast the next day, I would be starving by bedtime (especially assuming teens don't go to bed until about 11pm).

I’m damned if I would spend money on food that was going to be thrown down the toilet and with a lot of drama to boot.

Have you considered saying No? You seem afraid to put sensible boundaries around food in case it causes an eating disorder (which really is not how it works) but their behaviour as it stands is very unhealthy.

You’re providing the food. You can say that you need to reduce the food budget and won’t be buying crap to graze and gorge on. Don’t let them waste food by making a cake and then eating the whole thing as some sort of childish competition - point out how greedy and selfish this is. Say no to excessive eating outside of meal times.

You're in lockdown together, so have three meals together each day. Discuss food with them, and suggest a few healthy eating days per week - maybe a vegetarian or vegan day a couple of times.
Cook with them.
Don't buy sugary treats. Explain you will buy them again once this bingeing and over-eating abuse of their bodies is in control. They need to know this is not you punishing them but supporting them to overcome this unhealthy behaviour.
Also point out that if they are usually very sporty, they might be used to eating more than they currently need. Get them to scale back portions, drink plenty of water and keep food diaries to check what triggers a binge (sugar? white flour? boredom? anxiety?)
Make a list with them of things they could do instead of bingeing, depending on what the triggers are. If it's boredom, get them to make a bucket list of stuff they can achieve from home (make a podcast, a youtube video, record a song, write a blog, kondo their belongings, do a specific fitness challenge, master a healthy recipe (not cake mix!)

I also think that 5.30 is really early for rhe evening meal. Surely anyone would get hungry later in the evening afer eating at that time?

Also, how much exercise are they getting at the moment? Probably a lot less than they are used to. That is probably a large factor in their boredom. Are they doi g any home work-outs?

Maybe dinner is too early?

Zingally some v good points and YES I also thought why only one meal and foraging fir the rest? I try to discourage any self-chosen food - just dictats / offer options and tbh a meal between 11.30-12-30 with protein and salad always helps

Thanks again everyone. Here is what i am getting from the thread:

Dinner is too early, needs to be around 7. Ok, I can do that. The reason it was earlier is of course from when school is open and they come home like ravenous creatures and I need to have a proper meal ready. Also when dinner is later, we have that long stretch between lunch and dinner- "when is dinner reaaaaaddddyyyyyy". But yeah when we're at home and sleeping later, dinner can be shifted later. I realised thta when typing out our routine.

No more cake-mix and baked goods. I might include a couple small bars of good quality chocolate (Lindt, eg), as they don't seem to do much damage, and provide a nice mood boost.

Lots of talk around self-regulation and binge-eating (this already happening). I'll check out the resources posted. They know about eating disorders and as mentioned, we have one case where we are seeing at close hand what it does, so we are kinda hyper-aware about that.

Yes they both do workouts at home. DD says she's become stronger actually since the lockdown as she's following a pretty complicated (to me) routine for exercise. I don't know where they get the sportiness from, not from me or their dad, mostly I think the friends they happened to make and the schools they go to.

Yes I am trying to stick to only 3-4 meals with meat during the week and cook more and more meat-free dishes , it's an uphill battle with DS especially,

But one thing I cannot and will not do is try to cook and plan more than one meal a day- I also wfh (different kinds of project work, kind of on the fringes of academia)- and no way I could keep up with two rounds of meals. Ive tried before and I seem to just end up spending hours in the kitchen, with or without the children "helping". I've had the one cooked meal a day rule since several years now, for summers and holidays. And no way I could coordinate eating together 2-3 times a day- their sleeping patterns and my work and everything gets in the way. DD is getting 4-5 hours of school work a day too. (DS school is a joke and gives me the rage- subject topic for anther day) Their lunches and breakfasts aren't bad or insubstantial btw, sandwiches, eggs, cold ham, oatmeal, pancakes, and I might even do some prepping for them, just can't do a proper sit-down meal, ifyswim.

It's tough, no doubt, taking it one day at a time.

ut one thing I cannot and will not do is try to cook and plan more than one meal a day- I also wfh (different kinds of project work, kind of on the fringes of academia)- and no way I could keep up with two rounds of meals. Ive tried before and I seem to just end up spending hours in the kitchen, with or without the children "helping".

But they are 14 and 17. You are working. They can prep breakfast and lunch and clear up after it. It's not hard. Just cereal or toast, fruit juice or smoothie, tea or coffee, then veggie soup (ready made) and sandwiches or a salad on hot days, fruit for pudding. It's more that if you lay a table and sit and eat together there's sense of having had a meal whereas constant grazing, especially on sugary snacks makes you feel perpetually hungry and dissatisfied.