To feel so bad for other people?

[imcold]

I'm hoping I can articulate this correctly! Since I was little I have had a massive problem with feeling so sorry for people. It could be an old man walking up the street or someone being told off, I just have massive guilt about it (even if I'm nothing to do with it!). My mum used to think I was odd as I would cry for people I didn't even know!
Recently at work we've taken on new staff (hospital) and if they don't pass the training they get sent home!
I've been in tears several times this past few weeks as a few have been sent home. DH says I'm too sensitive but I just can't help but feel so so bad for people! Does anyone else feel like this? I just hate seeing people disappointed or upset even if I don't know them. Am I weird?!

Its one thing feeling indignant and upset about abuse or feeling moved by someones emotions to loss or failure. Thats empathy. Its based on something that actually happened.

And quite another to cry for a cute old man or insist on shopping in a shop so they dont go hungry.. the first scenario is.empathy, reacting to a factual thing.

The second scenario is ...
Astonishing. Its entirely about you and your preconcieved ideas and stereotypes than feeling the pain of the other person (empathy) this is more about you placing feelings and assumptions onto unsuspecting people who may not view themselves or circumstances as you have viewed them at all. When im old id hate for some random stranger staring at me all teary eyed FOR NOTHING.

But if i was telling you i lost my child or failed in an important trial or im terminal and you feel my pain, thats sweet.

My mum called herself an extremely sensitive empath. There is a fine line between empathy and making it all about you.... she cried at my DDs disappointment in an exam result. It does not help.

I get it. I used to get the urge to cry whenever an ambulance went past with lights and sirens on. Obviously I didn't know where it was going or why, but I knew it was bad news for someone.

It's a very strange feeling, it was more like my eyes would spontaneously spring a leak than proper crying, iykwim? Rationally I knew there was no need to cry, but my body over rode the thoughts.

It doesn't happen so much now thank goodness. It was really embarrassing and certainly not done for attention.

I’m like this and I too hate it at times. Many nights I lie in bed trying to stifle sobs over things that have upset me. People I read about who are suffering, I can’t get them out of my head. I’m lying there tormented about how they must feel. I cry over things that happened years ago, when I think of the suffering. If anyone cry’s I cry too, I hate to see people upset. I was a bit like this as a child but it’s developed stronger over the years.

I used to feel this way so strongly that it was disruptive. I've learned that "empathic" is actually a way of avoiding the probability that you have poor boundary-setting and/or you are feeling a sense of grief and sorrow for yourself by proxy.

This is me all over! Nice to know I'm not the only one.
I found myself in tears just before lockdown as I just felt so sad for everyone who lost their jobs/livelihood despite not actually knowing anyone personally who it happened too. I blamed my new baby hormones for that one 😂

My DD was hyper sensitive to other people's feeling as a smaller DC. Her school done lots of reliance training, she use to get herself in a state if another DC got in trouble.
The worst I remember was a swimming trip with the school one wee boy had swimming pants not shorts, the entire class erupted laughing at the boy in his pants. She didn't sleep properly for days.
I am a bit of a softie too.
Thankfully she has toughened up. I want her to know she can't help everyone being kind is enough.

^What abcduck said.

I used to be like this as a child but I grew out of it. That does not mean I’m lacking in compassion, far from it. But I agree with pp - feeling pity for random people in the street whose lives and circumstances you actually know nothing about is patronising and arrogant.

@EmeraldShamrock I would've been the same as your daughter! That poor boy.
I struggle to watch the silly auditions on X Factor etc as I hate seeing people getting laughed at. (I know, I know, they're likely to know they can't sing before they go on!).
My DH watches Masterchef and I feel bad for the contestants when they go out

I'm exactly the same. Can't handle the idea or sight of (presumably) lonely old people, or vulnerable children, or anyone left out etc. I feel like crying and think about it for days.
I can't watch fight scenes in films as it affects me so much, and i cry every time i watch anything remotely tear jerkery.

Ive had to block it out to an extent though and create a narrative especially for older people, that they have loving families and are perfectly fine etc. And i always smile, say hello and chat (i live in a small town where talking to strangers is normal!)

The example with clothes was similar to my daughter. I took her clothes shopping with my mum and picked out a top and asked if she liked it she said yes. Then my mum told me she preferred another top but didn't want to offend me.
Obviously I brought her the top she liked but she kept apologising. Even when I reminded her she had to wear it, not me and I'd rather get something she liked.
News, TV shows, films, books, others being upset, if she thinks she has offended someone can all reduce her to tears.
It's not a bad thing but if it's upsetting you at work then it might be worth seeing if there is someone you can talk to.

My adult DS is very similar! I am but in a very manageable way. My DS started showing this from the moment he could toddle.

I used to feel this way so strongly that it was disruptive. I've learned that "empathic" is actually a way of avoiding the probability that you have poor boundary-setting and/or you are feeling a sense of grief and sorrow for yourself by proxy.

Yes, exactly.

And for those who say that we 'need more empathy and consideration in the world' -- do the people on this thread actually do anything to help others, or do they just weep over those whose lives they presume to be pitiable on the street? Channel your empathy into volunteering for the Samaritans, or supporting asylum seekers or teaching literacy in prisons, by all means, but that will need you to control your feelings, as frankly no food bank/helpline/befriending or advocacy organisation needs someone who dissolves into tears all the time or makes their pity for clients obvious.

I'm a bit like this. It's so sad that it's largely viewed as unusual these days.

I won't read national newspapers now as there's always articles detailing animal or child cruelty or an elderly person who's been attacked.

There was one story about a child that I will never ever forget and it haunted me for months. It's turned me so overprotective of my own little girl now

@AnyFucker 🤣🤣🤣🤣☺️👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Ahh you sound lovely OP! It is nice that you care so much about other people. I cry at Britain's got talent (the sign a song group and the mother and daughter) but am otherwise quite hard faced.

Thought of this thread when watching Episode 2 of the new series of Killing Eve, when Carolyn’s daughter says in an ernest and upbeat way,
“Oh, you know I’m hyper-empathic so I over-burden myself with other people’s emotions... which can be a lot to process you know?”