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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to have reported to 101?

76 replies

Nc57mn · 01/05/2020 18:05

First time poster just trying to figure it out. Long post apologies in advance. when I left our work carpark a guy who was parked on path went to pull out without seeing me maybe (?) wasn't going to stop when he did though. When I passed him and when he beeped at me I stuck my fingers up at him (yes I was wrong to do that but instant reaction) He tailgated me all the way from there but began pulling back when we got on a main road. I somehow got the feeling he was following me so I did a double back on myself down some roads I knew to come back out on main road...he followed me so I knew something wasn't right. I pulled into the petrol garage over the road from my estate (was not going to drive home) and he pulled in and blocked my car. I made sure my door was locked thank f**k as he got out his car and came up to my window shouting are you going to apologise!! Asked me to get out of my car...after you've followed me don't think so. He tried to open my car door and when I wouldn't get out hit my window with his car keys and called me a bitch. When he went round back of my car I quickly got out to take a picture of his reg and asked him if he thought he was big to follow and intimidate a lone female he said are you going to apologise I said no you nearly hit my car he said we're even then and got in his car and drove off...this happened at half 2 I'm still shaking.... I got the fuel I actually needed and when I went to pay I broke down the guys said they had CCTV so I've reported it to 101... He would have followed me to my house so glad I didn't drive home....told you it was long so thank you for reading x

OP posts:

Katypyee · 01/05/2020 20:22

YANBU to report him to the Police. That is scary behaviour. I am pretty certain he wouldn't have followed you if you had been male.

Yes, you flipped him the finger. We have all done something similar in the heat of the moment. His reaction was OTT.

To follow and confront you like that is not acceptable. I am glad the garage has CCTV.

itmusthavebeencoffee · 01/05/2020 20:26

Bloody hell, if he thinks it's acceptable to behave like that to a complete stranger then what's he like at home? I would have been terrified OP, especially being blocked in and not able to leave. What was he planning on doing once he'd gotten your door open?! YADNBU to have reported him

amusedbush · 01/05/2020 20:28

You made the first act of aggression.

No she didn't, he beeped at her.

A beep means "watch it, dickhead".

pepsirolla · 01/05/2020 20:32

Sorry but no Viviennemary . HE made the first act of aggression by nearly pulling out into her then not stopping and beeping his horn at her. She reacted with a finger but instead of further mild reaction from him he went full red mist, he clearly needs checking out.

TheGirlWithAPrince · 01/05/2020 20:34

There is a big difference between putting your middle finger up and trying to aggressivly enter a car and shouting at someone after following them.. Thats crazy to be honest. Wonder what he would have done had he got her out of the car?

Also beeping doent mean sorry.. Its a sign that your annoyed... Putting your hand up means thank you/sorry

Ohtherewearethen · 01/05/2020 20:35

What an arsehole! This happened to my friend once - a guy on a motorbike pulled out right in front of her, without even seeming to realise he was joining a road. She beeped at him (beeping is always an 'aggressive' or warning signal, never to apologise by the way) and off she went to collect her children from school. He followed her into the carpark and went absolute bananas. Said he was an off-duty copper, threatened her, etc. Obviously loads of us saw this and stepped in but she was understandably shaking like a leaf. Anyway, someone phoned the real police and they knew exactly who he was and said he does it a lot and he's getting on their last nerve. This won't be the first, and I doubt it'll be the last, time he has done this so telling the police was exactly the right thing to do.
To all the PPs saying this was the OP's fault - shame on you. You are a disgrace.

isadoradancing123 · 01/05/2020 20:35

I very much doubt he beeped to acknowledge his mistake, why do people look for the most stupid things to say

Whatsgoingonrightnow · 01/05/2020 20:39

YANBU at all, what a twat. Can’t believe the first poster is trying to justify his actions because you stuck your fingers up at him. It never warrants someone stalking you and aggressively shouting at you.

laidbacklife · 01/05/2020 20:42

Definitely right to report him. Giving someone the finger isn’t pleasant but it isn’t illegal. Tailgating and driving aggressively in order to intimidate is. However, the main reason I think you were right to report was the way he behaved at the petrol station. He would have known he was on camera there... Imagine how much worse he could have been if he’d managed to corner you off camera somewhere. The police need to have a word with him.

HeyDuggeewhatchadoin · 01/05/2020 20:43

This happened to me once, some dickhead cut me up on the motorway and followed me for miles. I wish I'd reported it.

CakeAndGin · 01/05/2020 20:48

How I read the post: he didn’t look and pulled out but avoided hitting you. He then beeped at you, which is a sign to let someone know that you are there. That is the first sign of aggression there. Him beeping at OP would imply he thought OP was in the wrong. She then gave him the finger, which I think is a perfectly reasonable response when someone tries to pull in front of you and then beeps to indicate it your fault. I’d have probably thrown in a wanker sign too. OP was then followed, probably because she was a lone woman. Had OP not locked her doors, he could have assaulted her. Which is never a reasonable escalation from someone giving you the finger.

OP you are absolutely right to report him to 101.

EmpressoftheMundane · 01/05/2020 20:56

You did the right thing. He was aggressive and over the top. If this is a pattern of behaviour for him, it's good that this was reported.

Windy are you for real? Are you actually a woman, or a Men's Rights Activist?

StrongTea · 01/05/2020 21:08

Scary, hope the police follow it up. Really smart of you not to drive home.

DavetheCat2001 · 01/05/2020 21:08

ah the apologists have vanished..quelle surprise

4cats2kids · 01/05/2020 21:12

Report him. He sounds dangerous.

Cherrysoup · 01/05/2020 21:12

I hope the police take action, he was very intimidating. A normal thinking person would’ve given you the finger back, not followed you!

MintyChapstick · 01/05/2020 21:19

Of course YANBU. You shouldn't have stuck your fingers up at him, but his reaction was massively OTT and I bet he wouldn't have done that if you were either a man, or had a man in the car with you.

sestras · 01/05/2020 21:23

I reported someone for tailgating and following me with my son in the car when he was a little.

I still have no idea why he was doing it but he was shouting swearing, taking pictures of us and swerving to hit my car. My son was only 2 at the time.

He was reported.

JudyCoolibar · 01/05/2020 21:24

He was a twat agreed but police have better to do don't you think?

Better than dealing with a man who thinks it appropriate to stalk a lone woman and intimidate and threaten her, you mean? Well no, @Windyatthebeach, I think that is absolutely what the police should be dealing with. Why don't you?

Nat6999 · 01/05/2020 22:44

The petrol station will have CCTV footage of him hitting your car, report him.

cheeseycracker · 01/05/2020 22:54

No one beeps to apologise smh.
You were right to report it OP

PhilCornwall1 · 02/05/2020 06:51

Too many nutters around these days, it's best not to provoke a situation. Under normal circumstances you'll never know how someone is going to react. With this lockdown effort, you really don't know, some will be quietly/not so quietly going mad and up for a fight.

dontdisturbmenow · 02/05/2020 06:59

You both acted against the highway code rules, you are both bad. If it's important, he was 'more bad' than you but bad is still bad.

Ilets · 02/05/2020 07:07

Absolutely the right thing to do. Great there was also cctv. He will probably be prosecuted.

BadSmellsHelp101 · 02/05/2020 07:08

My god there really are some wicked people in here

I drive hundreds of miles a week and can categorically day it’s nearly always men who beep their horns aggressively when you show them up for their poor driving skills!!!

And sticking fingers up is a natural and reasonable retaliation to someone who beeps their horn at you aggressively.

But I have never heard of someone actually taking the time to follow someone and then try to get into their car afterwards! He is a brazen criminal and most likely violent as well and yet people are focusing on the fact she stuck to fingers up.

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