Expletives within earshot of the kids

[shesgrownhorns]

DH is a mild mannered sort, but when he, say, drops something, or something won't work - he is liable to say 'ah you fg c , or words to that effect. He does this within earshot of the dc and I really really hate it. It also makes me very anxious (he knows this) as my upbringing was violent and very shouty. This is the extent of it, he never loses his temper with any of us and is very tolerant of my anxieties in general. But he continues to do this. I've asked him not to and he says 'well it's not directed at you, it's just my frustration'

Am I being controlling if I make a big deal of it?

Probably going to get flamed for this, but we never watch our language around our children and never have done. I wouldn't swear around other people's children or 'swear at' ours though.

We were brought up to know that swearing is adult behaviour, in the same way smoking and drinking is and would never have dared repeat any of them.

I also don’t watch my language around my kids- I don’t swear for the sake of it or at them but they have heard me swear. I’ve never heard them swear IMO because there’s no mystery behind them, they’re not forbidden- they’re likely to tell me off for letting an expletive slip out. I wouldn’t use the C word around them though.

We don’t either.

Fine that you don’t like it and for very valid reasons, but an expletive because you’ve smashed your thumb with a hammer for example is not the same.

I do think it’s controlling to make a big deal of it.

Yes it's the C word I have the most problem with...

Sorry my ‘we don’t either’ means we’re don’t curb swearing round the kids for the same reasons as @Macarena1990

I swear and DD doesn't. She's very clear it's adult language.

On the shouting and triggering you, that less OK. I wouldn't use the children as the reason. I'd ask for myself in your case.

I hate swearing round children. Especially when they then repeat it back. Its totally your choice if you don't mind it or not though. I would speak to DH again and ask that he not do it. Can he use some different words instead?

We didn't swear around our kids, but recognised that others do and it's not the end of the world, though.

BUT I do think using the C word crosses the line by a long way. And if your kids started to think it's okay to use it and do so at school or in front of their friends' parents, you'll have a big problem.

Your husband isn't using it AT people, so I get his point to a degree. But the compromise could be not using that word at least.

We swear around our children , although 1 is late teens now and rarely swears in front of us and dd9 thinks “stupid” is a bad word and won’t ever say it so I think I’m ok with anything worse than that .
It’s harder when we’re at a friends and dh or I accidentally swear and one of their kids (9 and up) is like “ oh you just said a bad word“ and then goes on about it for 20 mins .. I know what I prefer my kids to do

Quite an interesting post! We swear in front of the kids too, not intentionally particularly but it does slip out I.e. DH might have just dealt with another asshat delivery driver (nearly always the case here) and be all "feckin bloody idiot" etc etc but I can't think of an occasion we've ever used the C word in front of them. That one just does seem the worst doesn't it?!

My childhood was full of drunken violence and swearing too OP so I am VERY sensitive to DH ever losing his temper, can't bear it. My DC have a totally different childhood to mine, incomparable, which I'm so grateful for and that makes all the difference even with the odd conversational "oh fuck it" etc! They know it's grown up stuff and tend to roll their eyes if we swear!

Btw Neither DH nor I would swear in front of other people's DC

I can still remember my mum trying to hurry us away from whatever room my dad was doing DIY in.

Well this is a relief. I also swear around my children and it's clear to them that swearing, like drinking and staying up late, are adult things, not children things. But I always thought I was the only one.

I'd say that if you're finding him swearing at the odd inanimate object makes you anxious, then that's a problem you need to find solutions for. I do sympathise as I struggle when someone is clearly in a bad mood, even when it's not aimed at me.

The C word is also particularly offensive. I swear like a trouper but I've never used that word.

I love the C word 😂. My adult DC swears like a sailor I gave up telling him not to when he was at secondary school. It wasn't until I was 11 and my mother told my sister to fuck off once that I knew she knew swear words, then again I never knew she had a first name until I was 9

Using swear words and swearing at people are two different things. I use swear words, my DCs use them as well but not at people. To swear at people is wrong not because of the words but because of the intention to hurt, to belittle and to demean.

It doesn’t sound like your DH swears at people so I think you are being too sensitive, perhaps because of your past?

I swear a lot. I admit it’s a bad habit and my parents were very strict with us growing up and wouldn’t allow it. For me, it started at uni. I don’t watch my language around dc but they know it’s adult words and they aren’t allowed to use them. I don’t swear at them or call them names, more swear in conversation without realising sometimes. I say ffs a lot!

If swearing bothers you, speak to him again. However as for the children, I hardly ever swore in front of my older children. I didn’t want them to. Then I had another child later and swear constantly . Child doesn’t copy me, I think they know it’s not allowed. A few months ago she was annoyed big brother had said the c word: I was annoyed I must admit. Turned out the c word was crap 💩 .

We don't mind our language around the kids and as long as no one makes a fuss no one notices, as soon as someone starts apologising and backtracking it makes it worse.

Reading this thread I feel like I've been really ott with my husband for saying bloody hell in front of our 2 year old 😳

My two (9&7) could tell you some swear words if asked. I occasionally drop swear words in frustration, usually when driving. They know that swear words should be saved for special occasions and are ruined by over use

I've not caught either swearing yet and they still stick with quite creative lavatorial slurs for personal insults, but then I don't tend to swear on a personal level.

I knew of swear words at their ages and dropped my first one at the dinner table at 9 "bloody", and I got bloody roasted for it

My parents swore in front of me. Not at me, though. I think there's a big difference.

I've two teenage boys who swear terribly, particularly when playing video games. It drives me mad! But as I don't have the cleanest mouth I guess I can only blame the parents!

Saying cunt or fuck around DC I would find unacceptable. I use mild words like bloody and bugger often in front of them and shit might pop out if I’m frustrated!

Both me and DH occasionally slip and say something in front of the kids. The last few weeks have particularly bad for it. I can't get worked up as long as it's not directed at them.

My 5 yo is obsessed with Harry Potter and now loves to drop the odd 'bloody hell' or 'arse' in whenever she sees the opportunity....I called dh a knobhead without thinking she was there so she held on to that for a few days then casually dropped a 'ah knobhead' to test the waters.

My parents, mostly dad, swore in front of me and I was never bothered, but my DGM will still give us a clip if we drop a swear in her presence 😂

shit might pop out if I’m frustrated!
urgh.. gross !