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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you are very, very quiet / shy what job do you do?

49 replies

dishoom · 01/05/2020 12:57

I'm feeling really low and trying to look for a new job. One which will suit my skills and personality. But the biggest negative I see is I'm really quiet. I have social anxiety and wondered what jobs others did.

OP posts:
randomchap · 01/05/2020 13:02

I'm a coder. I can go for days at work barely speaking to anyone at work. Most communication via email.

Original poster
dishoom · 01/05/2020 13:05

That sounds bliss. I would love to get into a technical IT role where I can just get on with my work alone but unfortunately I don't have any experience or even the right qualifications.
I've seen an apprenticeship for a data analyst role in a fab organisation which I would love but I know that I won't have a chance. It is very very competitive to get in there.

OP posts:
moobar · 01/05/2020 13:06

Strangely a family solicitor. Although in court it's all a mask and is closed anyway.

My secretary is the same, very quiet. Does a wonderful job. Deals with difficult cases and doesn't have to deal with hundreds of people.

vanillandhoney · 01/05/2020 13:07

I'm a dog-walker and pet-sitter. I'm not particularly shy as such but I don't like making small talk and I'm not good in jobs where I have to talk to people all day!

I don't make a huge income but the work/life balance is fantastic.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 01/05/2020 13:08

I'm not like this but I know a few in my role & related areas. Accountancy & tax - there are technical roles where being quiet & introverted is no big deal and you can work primarily alone.

Original poster
dishoom · 01/05/2020 13:08

moobar woah! Id never be able to do something like that. How do you talk in front of people in the courtroom and thinking on your feet.

OP posts:
Original poster
dishoom · 01/05/2020 13:10

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland yes I've looked at finance too but it's not something I am interested in.

OP posts:
ifonly4 · 01/05/2020 13:10

Please don't think being quiet is a negative. One of my colleagues is definitely shy, but she's lovely. She gets more positive feedback than anyone else from customers as well.

moobar · 01/05/2020 13:11

OP you could.

I couldn't do huge public trials, not for me at all.

I'm super quiet, some days have to force myself in.

It's a closed room, parents and sheriff. I think it probably helps to push myself. I like the preparation side, the hours of setting it out, then hoping all goes to plan.

I work with a lot of vulnerable people as well so I think that helps. So I'm speaking for them if that makes sense.

And yes to dog walking. I do this a bit now on maternity, love it.

laffer · 01/05/2020 13:11

I work in early years. I'm very shy but happy to chat away to kids.

DebbieDoItAll · 01/05/2020 13:13

Financial Controller, only have to deal with a few departmental heads.

Original poster
dishoom · 01/05/2020 13:15

Such a range of jobs. How do you all cope with interviews. I'm awful at them which is a shame as I never her passed that first hurdle.

OP posts:
CatBatCat · 01/05/2020 13:16

Data Analysis and System Admin. I deal with mostly numbers on spreadsheets with the occasional email.

tenlittlecygnets · 01/05/2020 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SkylinesTurnstiles · 01/05/2020 13:19

I’m a payroll manager. So pretty much behind the scenes. I don’t have to answer the phone much which I hate!

Original poster
dishoom · 01/05/2020 13:22

ifonly4 it is a negative for me. I've been like this since I was a child. I was constantly berated for being quiet. My sister told me as a teen that I would never have children as I'd never have a bf let alone someone who'd want to have kids with me. I remember comments like "I didn't know you had a nice in your house". 'oh, it speaks!". "I would never give you a job - you're too quiet". "why are you so quiet? It's so irritating." " You're like a spy - you give me the creeps." I could go on and have sort of derailed this thread! Basically, it's ingrained in me that who I am is a shameful way to be.

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 01/05/2020 13:26

I have massive social anxiety and can be very shy etc due to autism. I can shield well, but it's exhausting. I eventually pre virus managed ot get a job in childcare in a nursery and I absolutely loved it. The children are so innocent, don't judge, and it was honestly just the right fit for me.

foodtoorder · 01/05/2020 13:33

15 years ago you would be describing me however I don't think social anxiety was a term then.
However I had this deep desire to be a nurse and had no idea how I would ever do it being so shy let alone getting through university.
I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and through having to be face to face with so many people and the nature/environment of nursing I am a completely different personality.
Don't get me wrong I love my alone time and totally happiest when I have my own company but I have so much more confidence firstly in work as need to be professional but this has leaked out in my personal life too. Have developed a good group of friends and I am more than confident dealing with the day to day things that as a young adult I would've asked for support with.
Have you tried stepping out the comfort zone?

MeltedStars · 01/05/2020 13:38

You definitely are describing me when I started my job (admin work initially). The thought of making phone calls used to bring me out in a cold sweat.

7 years on I’m a Wellbeing Facilitator which includes back to back meetings, chairing support networks, delivering training and some other work writing comms. I still get really nervous meeting new people but I just fake it!

I’d say make small pushes to get yourself a bit out of your comfort zone. Maybe something like admin where a lot is data inputting and monitoring systems but picking up phones to get into the swing or it.

tenlittlecygnets · 01/05/2020 13:39

Why not google to find one of those 'what jobs would suit me?' quizzes and do that to give yourself some more ideas?

Second, you're going to have to change your mindset if you're going to stand a chance. You're very negative about yourself:

I'm awful at interviews
I won't have a chance. It is very very competitive to get in there
I would love to get into a technical IT role where I can just get on with my work alone but unfortunately I don't have any experience or even the right qualifications

So, decide what you'd like to, do then look at what qualifications you need to get there, then look at how to get those qualifications.

No job is an island. You're going to have to talk to people. If you're afraid of clamming up or forgetting what you want to say at interview, practise!

There's a difference between being quiet and socially anxious. You can be quiet without being socially anxious... If you have social anxiety, look at CBT or other ways to improve it.

Good luck!

user1635482648 · 01/05/2020 13:40

Ouch, no wonder you feel shit about yourself.

I imagine it's the terrible self esteem that's tripping you up in interviews rather than being quiet.

Have you ever looked at any CBT type stuff on improving your self esteem? If you Google "self esteem CCI self help resources" there is a free online module you could explore to see if any of it is useful.

Because viewing or treating quiet people in the utterly horrible way you were treated in the past is not the norm. And feeling that way about yourself will hold you back and make you miserable.

tenlittlecygnets · 01/05/2020 13:41

I remember comments like "I didn't know you had a nice in your house". 'oh, it speaks!". "I would never give you a job - you're too quiet". "why are you so quiet? It's so irritating." " You're like a spy - you give me the creeps." Basically, it's ingrained in me that who I am is a shameful way to be.

Well, that doesn't sound very nice, but only YOU can change things! And wouldn't it be worth putting in the time and effort?

Have a look at www.indeed.com/career-advice/finding-a-job/15-best-jobs-for-introverts
www.learning-mind.com/jobs-for-shy-people/

There's nothing wrong with being an introvert if you're happy like that. But it doesn't sound as though you're happy.,..

tenlittlecygnets · 01/05/2020 13:43

Mean to add, being quiet is NOT shameful at all.

I'd rather have a nice quiet friend like you than an extrovert who can't shut up for 2 minutes and is always seeking attention. OK, two ends of the spectrum but you know what I mean!

Jupiters · 01/05/2020 13:44

I'm in the emergency services... Very quiet out of work, public speaking is my worst nightmare. However I put on my uniform and use that as a barrier between my actual self and everything else.

lastqueenofscotland · 01/05/2020 13:45

What qualifications do you have and what do you do currently?
We have 4 admin staff at our company and they don’t need to talk to anyone they sort bits out on our website, edit content, forward emails and order (using online order forms) items and services.
It’s not fantastically well paid but they all say they love it as it’s no stress at all!

What do you like doing? What are you good at, everyone is good at something. Do you have any qualifications? What are your interests and what is your work history?
You’ve been very dismissive of everything mentioned so far.