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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you are very, very quiet / shy what job do you do?

49 replies

dishoom · 01/05/2020 12:57

I'm feeling really low and trying to look for a new job. One which will suit my skills and personality. But the biggest negative I see is I'm really quiet. I have social anxiety and wondered what jobs others did.

OP posts:

HarryVonSkintBats · 01/05/2020 13:46

I'm a technician with the ambulance service, i'm a very quiet/introverted person by nature but when it comes to work i've got no problem chatting away to people. I think for me it feels different because it's work and i know i need to be able to talk to patients to help them, but when i'm at home i can easily go for days without seeing anyone (and it's bliss!) haha

LadyPips · 01/05/2020 13:48

Myself and my husband started our own online business. We make and sell products on Etsy, Amazon etc. All communication is via email.
The thought of ever having to attend another interview fills me with anxiety.

SnakesandKnives · 01/05/2020 13:52

Re: IT coding type job. My company works with loads of contract coders as well as FT. Their qualifications aren’t actually relevant. We really struggle to find decent people a lot of the time.

If you fancy it as an idea then I would advise simply starting by doing some coding - YouTube is epic for this. You will quickly find out if you like it/ have a knack for it. If you do, this is what would be most important in getting work. Some of our best coders have sod all formal qualifications. And if you don’t like it, no money spent and no harm done :)

Tonkerbea · 01/05/2020 13:59

@SnakesandKnives
Is there any chance you could recommend any YouTube channels on particular?

Op, I empathise, I'm a massive introvert and find being around people all day draining. I'm sorry your mother was so unkind to you

Crazydoglady1980 · 01/05/2020 14:03

With interviews I have always felt reassured that if I don’t get the job, I’ll never have to see them again. That seems to give me more confidence and if I get the job, they must have liked what they saw

Anniecott · 01/05/2020 14:06

I'm incredibly shy, suffer with social anxiety, hate talking to new people, phone calls and parties are two of my worse situations to be in but I'm a hairdresser, it's all a front, like I'm acting as the person I wish I could be, I don't know how I do it but have been doing it for yrs. x

EyeShipMiceElf · 01/05/2020 14:09

Teaching Assistant.
A lot of it is getting on with tasks on your own, listening well to instructions. No pressure to be loud and outgoing.
The couple I do know in our who are loud are a fucking pain in the arse and do not ever shut the fuck up and let the teachers speak. They are not popular in our school and far too try hard with the kids to be seen as ‘crazy’.

CallMeRachel · 01/05/2020 14:23

I've seen an apprenticeship for a data analyst role in a fab organisation which I would love but I know that I won't have a chance. It is very very competitive to get in there.

If you lack experience why not contact them and ask about the possibility of getting taken on a work experience basis short term?

Apply for the apprenticeship anyway, know their their business vision and ethics well and include them into your Cv.

Original poster

dishoom · 01/05/2020 14:34

I've heard alot of people who say just fake it till you make it but I can't even do that. I tried forcing myself to go to university. My family told me to not live at home and forced me to move out. It was a case of you need to talk more and get out of your comfort zone. I ended up even more worse. I would go days without eating a proper meal as I was too anxious to go into the communal kitchen and was too nervous to go to a takeaway. I would eat junk and pot noodles. I made no friends and my social anxiety was becoming really bad. I remember wanting to kill myself and crying myself to sleep. I didn't seek any help as I didn't even know it was something the gp could help with. It was 20 years ago. I struggled with my studies really badly and gave it up in my final year and it was the worst few years of my life. Then I went into a shit abusive relationship. I honestly have been fucked up by people. I'm not strong like so many others like on here where I can just get up and do it with steely determination. I'm like a computer with a bug that's impossible to fix. I am what I am.

OP posts:

SnakesandKnives · 01/05/2020 15:04

@Tonkerbea.

Personally I’d start with something like this:

And this:

Then chose a starting language (IMO start with a markup language like html and then pick something like Drupal) There are lots of language choices but the fundamentals apply to em all

Also ‘Thenewboston’ is an amazing channel for learning some of the specific languages I reckon

BirdieFriendReturns · 01/05/2020 15:20

I’ve done all kinds of jobs - airline cabin crew, librarian, health and safety officer...

minettechatouette · 01/05/2020 15:32

How old are you? What are your qualifications/interests/experience? These should be guiding your job search.

Ime interview success is 90% preparation - ie researching chosen field thoroughly, anticipating possible questions, perhaps writing out answers to them, practice interviews etc. You will feel more confident if you know the field inside out.

It sounds like you have had a very hard time with bullying and I agree with PPs you are talking yourself down a lot. Could a few sessions of therapy be an option? Possibly some self help books on building confidence?

IlsaLund · 01/05/2020 15:38

Headteacher - my professional demeanour is just a front and I am chronically shy.

terrelontane · 01/05/2020 15:46

I'm super quiet, but I do public speaking. Hate chatting to people, never say a word in meetings and can't make eye contact when talking one-to-one, but when I'm in front of a large group of people talking about something I know more about than they do, I'm in my element.

HolyWells · 01/05/2020 15:54

I would go days without eating a proper meal as I was too anxious to go into the communal kitchen and was too nervous to go to a takeaway. I would eat junk and pot noodles. I made no friends and my social anxiety was becoming really bad. I remember wanting to kill myself and crying myself to sleep. I didn't seek any help as I didn't even know it was something the gp could help with. It was 20 years ago. I struggled with my studies really badly and gave it up in my final year and it was the worst few years of my life. Then I went into a shit abusive relationship. I honestly have been fucked up by people.

But OP, none of this is just 'quiet and shy', it's far more extreme. It sounds as if you could really benefit from therapy, perhaps to tease out the repercussions of your very critical upbringing on your sense of self -- does that sound like something you could explore?

I came on the thread to say that I'm an academic in the humanities, and down the years in various jobs have had quite a few shy /withdrawn/ socially timid colleagues, many of whom were brilliant and effective teachers.

Chanel05 · 01/05/2020 16:07

I'm incredibly quiet and shy and I'm a primary school teacher! Fine with kids.

Megan2018 · 01/05/2020 16:11

I manage a large team and have a senior role in higher education (non teaching). I am different at work, no-one would believe I am a painfully shy introvert but over the years I have faked it and now I enjoy it.
I love getting home and shutting it all out though as it is mental draining.

Layoverlife · 01/05/2020 16:29

Omg @Jupiters I'm just the same! Once the uniform is on I'm a different person and out of it I'm completely different, I am shy and lack confidence.

Puffinhead · 01/05/2020 16:36

I’m like you OP - I work part-time in admin for a small office. Other staff are also part-time so some days I’m on my own. I’m on the phone quite a bit but I’ve got used it.

I’m also a chronic blusher - it has been the bane of my life. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t blush and it has really held me back. Public speaking is definitely my biggest fear.

Tonkerbea · 01/05/2020 17:43

@SnakesandKnives thanks so much, that's incredibly helpful and very appreciated.

ThisHereMamaBear · 01/05/2020 19:07

I'm a teacher. I feel more confident with children!

VeryQuaintIrene · 01/05/2020 19:39

Classics professor, but teaching is a performance art to some degree so I can do it well (but after class like to go back to my office, shut the door and decompress for a bit!)

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 01/05/2020 19:53

I don't think you're a shy introvert? ..... I suspect its difficult to know what personality type you have, as I suspect the social anxiety and all the abusive stuff you experienced when you were growing up is actually masking 'you'.

Please don't be disheartened..... I would try some therapy to address the social anxiety/low self esteem.. It is often pretty successful...

Then the true you can come out!

Good luck!

Please don't think you have to settle for 5his life...

I'm a noisy introvert... I was once chronically socially anxious

Char1ey · 01/05/2020 20:59

I went to Uni & got a degree in Languages.
Done a whole load of customer facing roles (shops/supermarkets/pubs/clubs/restaurants) all dealing with the public, day in/day out.... I thought it would help with my confidence, but I hated it, I can’t do small talk & fake smiles.
Data input & admin was blissful - I got given stacks of files, sat in a room with less than 5 people, no small talk, just get on with it, and I loved it.
Strangely enough, my last job (and some will turn their nose up), but cleaning.... I absolutely loved it! Go in, work alone, and get the job done... minimal interaction with anyone else!

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