Are these autistic traits?

[Ctrigg]

I have not had an autism diagnosis but I have been told by doctors that I have autistic traits. I’m just wondering for those of you who make daily to do lists, how much detail do you go into? My boyfriend saw mine today and said it was abnormal as I wrote down ‘eat a plum’ in the morning and then wrote down how many pages of my book I had to read today. I know that’s it’s very detailed but I like to visualise my day ahead and I like to write everything down so I have a clear picture of what the day will be. Do other women with autism or autistic traits also do this? Or indeed women without who are maybe just very meticulous?

I love a list, I have a family planner where I write down everything I need to do from finishing a Tesco order to which rooms to tidy most that day. Very rarely if I'm really busy I'll put times next to them. I don't write down to eat fruit but if I wanted to up my fruit intake it would be a good idea because of its on my list I'd try to do it. I'm not autistic though, perhaps I could have some OCD tendancies but not more than the lists thing.

Lists can be great but the fact you have to write such specific things like eat a plum does seem very over the top.
I've never known people go in to that much detail.
What do you do or how do you feel if you don't manage to achieve what's on the list?

I am diagnosed autistic and your list sounds dreamy! I also write in similar detail and get very stressed if I don’t complete everything or stuff happens in the wrong order.

I have poor focus and executive function so would be completely unproductive without it!

I'm starting to wonder if we arnt all on the spectrum.

My cousin’s two sons have been diagnosed with Aspergers. She is adamant that I must have it as she said my behaviour was exactly like theirs as a child. I did read an article once about women in their 40s being diagnosed and a lot of things clicked into place. So I don’t know. but I do a few things that I just assumed everyone did and putting them together makes me think ah ok.

I don’t write lists but I have to mentally plan things before I do them so I can picture it. Even the simplest things like going to the toilet. I can’t just go I have to think about it, visualise myself and think how long I will need to be there. My husband once asked me to drive around the corner from a shop to go to another one and I flipped as I hadn’t planned. He was like wtf it’s round the corner but I’d never been there before so couldn’t picture me there. It’s not like I can’t go anywhere I just use google earth etc to look first.
I never used to be able to speak to people and look them in the eye. I see their eyes and their eyes in my head so I see 4 eyes and it’s off putting so I looked away. When I was in uni people called me out on it so I read up on techniques and practiced a lot. I know of a system of eye eye middle look away and back. I sometimes alternate so I don’t look like a loon. I can do it now without thinking so I can actually concentrate on what people are saying for the most part.
Iv never been comfortable wearing clothes and fidget a lot because of this. I was always told of for fidgeting but I’m hyper aware of clothes. Loose clothes I feel great.

I hate hugging and I hate people getting too close. I instantly back off if someone gets too close. (Another thing someone called me out on in uni)
Iv spend my whole life mimicking people a lot from TV and I worry a whole lot about what I should say and what their reaction will be. Sometimes honestly I don’t know how I should behave. People thought I was weird in school as i sometimes said things I thought were funny and they would because I saw it on a tv show but were in appropriate or weird. I cringe at this now.
A few ago my brother visited me unexpectedly and he came in and I just stood staring at him. He said what and I said am I supposed to hug you. Honestly it just came out. He said I am your brother so yeah! He finds my lack of hugs hilarious. I just hadn’t planned him coming so normally I would picture him coming in me hugging him and it floored me off the cuff.

Anyway I’m not official and maybe I am just weird, anti social and rude!

That was quite cathartic.

Autistic lady here. Having autistic traits doesn’t make you autistic. For example; you can have symptoms of morning sickness, irritability, no periods and bloating but that’s doesn’t make you pregnant; they’re ‘traits’. It’s the same with autism- you are, or you aren’t. Get a diagnosis soon so people don’t keep ruining your nicely organised day. It’ll be a relief either way.

My best friend is autistic and she does exactly this OP. Right down to what she's going to eat and at what time. On the other hand,I have OCD,and I don't do this.

OCD

I'm more concerned your bf called you abnormal. Your partner should be your biggest supporter. If he doesn't find your quirks endearing and you his then the relationship is not going anywhere good.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's last October Age 53. I don't do people, have very specific interests, have no facial expression when speaking to someone, don't like to be touched, have a memory like an elephant for dates, phone numbers, addresses, am horrifically untidy & don't know where to start to tidy up, like you I plan in my head how things will happen & can't cope if something changes, if someone is coming at 12.00 then in my head that means they come at 12.00, not 11.59 or 12.01, I don't like change of any kind, going on holiday freaks me out unless I have seen pictures of every room that I am staying in. There are loads more but that is a few of mine.

I don’t think that sounds like OCD. I have a student who has PDD and writes on his to-do list things like “read x amount of pages* or “say hello to TK when you enter lecture”. I don’t think your boyfriend is being helpful describing it as abnormal though.

I do this op. DH finds it odd as although he makes list they're much more general. I know I have traits of Autism as I studied Autism as part of my degree. But as pp said most people do display traits and for me my life isn't affected to the point it would warrant investigation or diagnosis. Autism affects higher executive function and to different extents in different individuals which is why there is a large range of traits and some individuals require lots of support and others can cope. If it it's troubling you then by all means go and speak to someone about it.

@Notonthecouch All of that screams autism to me. I was only diagnosed as an adult. I got pretty obsessed with autism while I was waiting for the assessment and read quite a few books and articles by autistic women. I'm pretty sure you're one of us. 😉

For me, the best day is a day that is mapped out with a high probability of staying exactly as predicted. Change is stressful, small changes are OK, larger changes are more stressful, big changes at times of general anxiety are even more challenging. So a planned day, that is likely to go as planned it very reassuring.

How do you feel about the lists and the planning? I think there may be a case for balance, that is, to an extent some of these things we do to exert control are calming and reassuring, but some take over and impose their own demands for compliance which can become oppressive...if that makes any sense to anyone else.

Oh God, reading this thread I feel amongst my people. I don't do lists, but I have read so many things that I do too that, even thoiugh it does not make me feel less weird, I feel my weirdness is understood here _

Does anyone else find themselves repeating conversations or dialogue when they hear it in a movie, or when you're thinking about it? I did not learn until I was in my 30s that there is a name for it, "echolalia". Now I try to do it in a very low voice or without opening my mouth, but sometimes it results in a funny noise and people still look at me funny, so I pretend I am clearing my throat.

@aurynne I don't have echolalia but I do find myself repeating bits of conversation with my fingers. I touchtype them - my hands aren't in the right position but I use the correct fingers. God , that sounds so weird when you write it down. Luckily the movements are so small that nobody's ever noticed.

@1066vegan when I hear music I have to "piano play it" with my fingers, even if it's guitar music. If I'm touching my DH's arm or hand at the time, he complains because I tickle him

Sounds like men picking on a quirky woman. Ignore do what you want that's what they would do.

Is writing a list on your list?

@Gobbolinocat
I'm starting to wonder if we arnt all on the spectrum

Anyone can have traits, that does not make them autistic.

This is from the NAS www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/adults.aspx
HOW WILL THEY DETERMINE THAT I AM AUTISTIC?
The characteristics of autism vary from one person to another, but in order for a diagnosis to be made, a person will usually be assessed as having had persistent difficulties with social communication and social interaction and restricted and repetitive patterns of behaviours, activities or interests (this includes sensory behaviour), since early childhood, to the extent that these 'limit and impair everyday functioning'.

Note the limit and impair everyday functioning

This explains more about having traits but not being autistic and also explains the spectrum.
neuroclastic.com/2019/05/04/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/

Does anyone else find themselves repeating conversations or dialogue when they hear it in a movie, or when you're thinking about it? I did not learn until I was in my 30s that there is a name for it, "echolalia"

I do this, and have done since I was very young. I'm Aspergers' diagnosed.

Blank times that's very interesting thank you

My friends son is autistic, and he finds a list of what is happening in the day veyr soothing.

In fact she can tell when he is a ahving a bad day, as he starts to ask things like - what is for lunch tomorrow? And for dinner? etc
By knowing SOME things about the day ahead, he is able to cope with the bits in between that are unknown.

For him, it is the unknownness, the unstructuredness that is difficult. He is fine once he can find a structure of any sort. It is like having some clothes hangers to hang the emptiness of the day on.

When he was younger though, she had to be really careful not to put something into the dya and then change it. So she would tell him the definite clear things. As he got older she was able to say, we MIGHT to x or y, in between 2 concrete things.

I write as well! As I watch a movie, for example, I write the dialogue, longhand, with one finger.