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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mr Grumpy Bollocks

33 replies

PrettyTricky · 30/04/2020 20:34

Lighthearted really as it's not always like this, but irked in any case.
DH is working from home, he's in the study from 7am - 6pm Mon-Friday. I make his lunch, bring him cups of coffee/tea etc. I'm am generally ignored during the day and fair enough as he's busy as he's working. He worked until midnight Monday and Tuesday (staff have been furloughed so remaining have to pick up the slack) and he's a workaholic at the best of times. He's stressed at the moment with work for obvious reasons.

So, I've barely seen him all week and it's pretty isolating as my teen is doing school work and then facetiming or speaking to her friends online.

I'm really quite lonely.

So DH came down for dinner at 6pm and was in a miserable mood because he 'needed to wind down' and not converse for a while. Again fair enough I suppose.

But then he announced that he arranged to zoom with his friends this evening after dinner, and as soon as he was on Zoom with them his personality changed completely and he became Mr Conversation, Mr Bright and Breezy. Whereas I get Mr Grumpy Bollocks.

I am upstairs and can hear him laughing and joking away. Aibu to be peeved off that his friends get this great version, and yet I get moaning and misery?

OP posts:
minettechatouette · 30/04/2020 20:38

Yanbu, that’s really grim. Sorry.

Sparklesocks · 30/04/2020 20:52

It doesn’t sound light hearted OP, it sounds really hard. Flowers

Original poster
PrettyTricky · 30/04/2020 20:58

I guess I'm trying to keep it lighthearted and in perspective because I don't want to moan at a time when people are dealing with much worse than me.

It's hard sometimes though, he's always working and I feel quite alone a lot of the time.

He just came upstairs as the call is now finished and shouted at me because I didn't come down and say hello to his friends, so apparently now I'm selfish for not coming down to say hello.
I just didn't really feel like it, I wasn't trying to be selfish.

OP posts:
TheRedhen1 · 30/04/2020 21:00

He sounds like an arse!

Liveandforget · 30/04/2020 21:02

I hope you gave him an earful when he shouted. He sounds like a self important selfish twat.

Please, just stop with the lunch and cups of tea. Once you lower yourself to serve men like him, that's all they see you as - a domestic appliance.

Clevererthanyou · 30/04/2020 21:04

... he’s not acting like a husband so please stop acting like his skivvy. You know you deserve to be treated better than this. Flowers

Lemonlady22 · 30/04/2020 21:06

I think I'm being Mrs Grumpy Bollocks without the bollocks atm if I'm honest...

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 30/04/2020 21:13

Tell him to get a grip.

TheMandalorian · 30/04/2020 21:14

Well he's not very kind is he?
I wouldn't be fetching him any lunch or tea again.
I'd also be telling him off for thinking he could speak to me like that.
You've clearly fallen into this role but give yourself a shake and know you deserve better behavior.
Flowers

FudgeBrownie2019 · 30/04/2020 21:17

He just came upstairs as the call is now finished and shouted at me because I didn't come down and say hello to his friends, so apparently now I'm selfish for not coming down to say hello. I just didn't really feel like it, I wasn't trying to be selfish.

The rest of it is understandable, albeit slightly shit. This part is fucking depressing; what on earth makes him think his behaviour is acceptable or going to be tolerated? Cheeky twat has no time or energy for you but finds time and energy to shout at you for not entertaining his friends like a dutiful wife should?

Tell him to get fucked, he sounds like a dementor sucking out your joy to feed it to his mates.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 30/04/2020 21:19

Why are you waiting on him hand and foot and then accepting his shitty behaviour? I don't care what happens at work, work stays at work, the same way neither of us bring home life stuff to work. Then to have to listen to him have a laugh with his mates! If he'd have shouted at me about being rude he'd have gotten both barrels (probably not the most productive thing to do...). I'd sit him down at the weekend and tell him this.

Blackandgreenteas · 30/04/2020 21:26

He sounds awful! How downright nasty of him!

No more drinks brought to him while he’s working that’s for sure! Also, you should set up some video calls with your own friends.

Likethebattle · 30/04/2020 22:03

I usually just tell my DH if he’s being an arse.

Windyatthebeach · 30/04/2020 22:19

Flail about in your sleep night and tomorrow he can be Mr Bruised Bollocks..
Grin.

Lemonlady22 · 01/05/2020 09:41

The above made laugh lol

Quartz2208 · 01/05/2020 09:44

He seems to want you to go all the things that make his life easier and then appear as a trophy on when on a call

Have it always been like this

nahnonever · 01/05/2020 09:48

My dad used to be like this to my mum sometimes and I hated to see it.

My mum would say "we take out our stress on the ones we love the most"
Hmm

Hannah021 · 01/05/2020 09:51

u sound more like a servant than a wife to him. He needs to get a grip.

I work long hours too, and my parents when in their house dont see me from the morning all they way until 7pm. Which means im drained out, have severe headache and just plain tired. But i treat them with the respect they deserve, its not their fault my work is stressful. He needs to understand.

I wouldnt make him tea or a shit tomorrow for shouting at me

ConstantlySeekingHappiness · 01/05/2020 09:58

I agree with PP.

Don’t make him cups of tea and lunch today. Wait and see if he comes looking for them.

Remind him you’re not his servant and he can’t speak to you like shit.

thepeopleversuswork · 01/05/2020 09:59

Agree that you should stop waiting on him.

Yes the lockdown does mess with people's heads but its no excuse for him to treat you like an unpaid servant particularly when he can clearly turn it on for his mates.

He'll respect you more if you stop behaving like one. If he doesn't, you might need to think about whether you have a future with him.

MsTSwift · 01/05/2020 10:03

We’ve had to work quite hard with our 13 year old that you need to treat your younger sister the same way as you treat your friends. She can grasp it sure your dh can 🙄

bettybattenburg · 01/05/2020 10:07

My mum would say "we take out our stress on the ones we love the most"

She's right. However that doesn't make it acceptable.

REignbow · 01/05/2020 10:07

My DH is locked in his office from 6am until quite late. He’s under pressure.

However, he will come out to have a break/chat, we eat lunch together and after switching off from work is pleasant!

Your DH is an arse. If he can behave and be jolly with his friends, then he can jolly well speak to you with courtesy. From what you describe, he treats you like a skivvy.

Stop making his lunch etc, as doesn’t appreciate anything that you are doing to support him.

TwentyViginti · 01/05/2020 10:09

What Liveandforget said. You are merely a domestic appliance to him. Stop skivvying and waiting on him hand and foot.

REignbow · 01/05/2020 10:09

#as he doesn’t