To ask upstairs flatmate to stop smoking on the doorstep?

[Amymone]

There's a situation that's been bothering me for weeks now and I'm just not sure how to handle it, being very anti-confrontational as a person. It is causing me considerable distress though!
My husband and I live in a ground floor flat and upstairs there's a flat share with a few people in it. Just 2 flats in a converted semi.
Sometime in the last 6 months they got a new flatmate, who happens to be a smoker. It's not something we've had to deal with before.
I cannot bear the smell of cigarette smoke, and even find myself having to move if a heavy smoker sits next to me on the tube. It makes me absolutely gag.
When the new flatmate moved in upstairs, she started smoking on the doorstep with the front door open. The hallway stank of smoke and crept into our flat too.
We did say something after a while and she stopped. But now in lockdown, she's started sitting and smoking on the doorstep again. Even though she's closing the front door now, the smell is still creeping in and I can smell it every time I enter/leave the house. Even when it's not fresh smoke the hallway now smells really grimy and dirty. I wouldn't mind (I would...) but we even repainted the hall recently and now I think it needs doing again.
Lockdown is really difficult for everyone, particularly upstairs since they have no outdoor space. I don't want to cause awkwardness and stress for her but at the same time it's really bothering me. AIBU? There is a park a couple of minutes walk away, so we're not completely devoid of outdoor space.
It could be that she has no idea the hallway smells, or it could be she thinks I'm unreasonable.
Any tips for how to handle the situation?

Be brave. Tell her.

I don’t really think there’s much you can do tbh, you’ve had a word with her about smoking with the door open so she’s shut the door. She’s smoking outside the building, which unless there are rules against it she is allowed to do. I’m guessing she smokes near the door as it’s sheltered? You could ask her again, but unless there’s a sheltered area nearby (good luck with suggesting she walks to the park every time she wants to smoke) she’s highly unlikely to smoke somewhere else. It’s part and parcel of living in flats in my experience, I used to live in flats and I use Airbnb a lot for work and every single apartment/flats I’ve stayed in (except those with balconies) it stinks of cigarettes near the entrance and in the hall.

It's a stressful time so she'll probably tell you to fuck off.

Start cleaning the hall & dooorstep with an eye wateringly strong bleach solution.

You could let the landlord know. Many don’t allow smoking in communal areas which outside the front door would be

This would piss me off too OP, but unfortunately I don't think there's anything you can do about it as she is doing it outside with the door closed.
It may also cause bad neighbourly relations so it depends if you think it's worth the risk.

This would really annoy me too, but I would give her a break during lockdown and not say anything just now. If she's still doing it come the summer, have another word with her then.

Thanks for your perspectives. I'm really trying to not let it bother me, though it's very difficult. Probably made harder because I'm pregnant and my sense of smell is bloodhound-grade. Beyond the smell I just hate the knowledge that our hallway is full of toxic chemicals. I used to smoke in my younger days, which is maybe why I find it really difficult to tolerate now.
I've been wracking my brains to think of a compromise because I don't want to be 'that bitch downstairs'. To be honest I hadn't thought about the shelter aspect but that makes sense.
Maybe I just need to continue to suck it up whilst this lockdown persists. I really don't want to make her life more stressful than it already is. Just need a way to make it less stressful for myself whilst tolerating it.
The flatmates upstairs aren't actually observing lockdown but that's another matter...!!!

Drip
Drip

She has done what you asked and is in the open air with the front door shut

Start cleaning the hall & dooorstep with an eye wateringly strong bleach solution.
How bloody minded

You could let the landlord know. Many don’t allow smoking in communal areas which outside the front door would be
Its OUTSIDE in the open air . How spiteful would you be to call a Landlord You would be stumped if somebody OWNED their home . What could you do then ?

She's outside, not much you can do about it

ah, the case of the magic curtain. Too selfish to realise that the stink is coming back in.

just ask her to move away and downwind because of the horrible smell. There's no polite way to do this but turd-burners don't deserve polite treatment.

landlords have no control over tenant behaviour except to evict. Which wouldn't happen in normal times and certainly won't now.

She’s outside with the door closed, as you asked. Also “the hallway full of toxic chemicals”?! She’s closed the door and that’s as much as you can expect. You’re living in a communal building. Has it occurred to you she’s smoking outside for everyone else’s sake in the first place? Give it a rest OP.

YANBU. The stink is horrible and you shouldn’t have to suffer either it or the detriment to your health.

Smokers are so selfish; they just expect everyone else to breathe in cancer causing smoke as well as them. Sure, they made the choice to not care about their health but thankfully not everyone has.

If she did change her behaviour before, she may do again?

Maybe she thinks the smell is not an issue with the door closed. Speak to her about it.
Or ask partner to if you don't like confrontation - it needn't be, but I can understand it would make you anxious to ask.

Could you maybe buy a plug in with the 3 scents that change for in the hall so you dont smell it as much?

And just explain that you dont like the smell and its coming in to the hall still with door shut, could she move a little further away if possible?

@LouiseCollina these are the toxins in cigarette smoke:

•	Nicotine (the addictive drug that produces the effect people are looking for and one of the harshest chemicals in tobacco smoke)
•	Hydrogen cyanide
•	<a class="break-all" href="https://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancer-causes/formaldehyde.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Formaldehyde</a>e_
•	<a class="break-all" href="https://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancer-causes/lead.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Lead</a>d_
•	<a class="break-all" href="https://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancer-causes/arsenic.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Arsenic</a>c_
•	Ammonia
•	Radioactive elements, such as uranium
•	<a class="break-all" href="https://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancer-causes/benzene.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Benzene</a>e_
•	Carbon monoxide
•	Nitrosamines
•	Polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons (PAHs)

The stale smoke is now in the carpet and walls, so it stands to reason these chemicals are too.

You do sound a bit ott

No she can't go to the park multiple times a day because we're in lockdown

Doesn't sound like a communal building is for you especially with a baby in the way

And don't forget soon she'll be at work, college etc and you'll be keeping the building awake with a newborn crying at all hours , don't make enemies now ffs!

She probably has no idea it’s still a problem.
You’ve spoken to her before and she was ok about it.
Perhaps just step out next time you see her and say something like “you probably don’t realise it’s still getting in, can you move a bit further out if it’s not rainy..?)

What are you going to do when the baby arrives? You'll need the people upstairs on side if you want them to be understanding about the inevitable crying so if you do say something, make sure you are as polite as possible (not that I think you wouldn't be!)

You don't own the whole block @Amymone. If it bothers you, pop an automatic airfreshner above the communal door.

I'm laughing at people suggesting she shoo a little further away from the door. Who do you think you are? Hilarious.

Having just read your last update.. Just move. You clearly have issues that are not conducive with communal living.

@bigchris I do agree with you. We own the flat so it's not that easy to move in the current situation and the housing market has ground to a halt.

I am obviously sympathetic to her needs, otherwise there'd be no dilemma and this post wouldn't exist.

Lockdown is a really difficult situation for everyone and I'm sure there are many households trying to balance these kind of situations.

@DamnYouAutoCarrot wow, that's really kind. Thank you

Unless there is specific legislation on smoking on doorsteps, I don’t think that there’s a lot that you can do .
You might have a kind word with her and say that, as your pregnant, your finding the smoke fumes particularly difficult to deal with.

Not sure that pp listing carcinogens in tobacco smoke or highlighting how disgusting smoking is are being helpful. OP is asking how to deal with a smoker by her door.

I hate the smell of cigarettes but I wouldn’t say anything even though it would annoy me. I think you just have to put up with it.