AIBU that DS's school is not doing enough during these away from school days?

[Ohlife2020]

Honestly, I would not have thought to complain about it until into week 6 of the lockdown.

School has sent a pack of worksheet back home before the lockdown started - about 100 pages including writing topics, maths and some grammar learning. Then started from wk1, work/learning is sent through via Google Classroom every Mon, Wed, Fri. It covers maths, literacy, science, PE (with Joe Wicks), Computing (only once) and some other small subjects.

We initially found it overwhelming to keep up. But by wk6, it's getting clear that the school doesn't expect everyone to keep on track. They kept sending weekly emails to parents reassuring us that they understand homeschooling is stressful so take it easy. But when we hand in any work online, there's no feedback whatsoever. I've also heard other school having teachers ringing pupils to check progress or to have ZOOM calls to keep in touch with the children. His school has no intention to do either. They say "it might upset certain children"...

So literally, we are left alone to fend ourselves. The homeschooling has been going downhill, as his concentration and motivation are both suffering. I battled with him nearly everyday on nearly every single subject - he either didn't want to do anything else other than what he likes (e.g. reading non-fiction) or he felt too frustrated /hurt when I told him his work needed improvement. I realised I might have taken this too seriously, but he's not a self-motivated type. If you let him, he would be happy just do the minimal. So our relationship has suffered quite a bit. This makes me feel angry that the school has been doing so little.

Am I being unreasonable? They are teachers and it's their responsibility to keep the children on track or at least care about it?

Being disconnected from their teacher/school for such a long time and with no end to be seen in near future, I can't imagine what impact this gave to him underneath the surface.

I realised this is a bit long, probably most for a rant purely...as I feel I'm reaching the limit and cannot carry on like this. Exhausted and hurt...

I wish some teachers would understand that some in your profession are letting you down. There are genuine gripes with some schools and teachers.

I’ve seen some amazing stuff being done - vibrant, innovative, brilliant. Really thinking about how it works different at home. But mainly the contact is what I’m impressed with - making children remain part of a community is so important, especially at primary level school. From those writing letters to the kids, little videos, just doing the art project so they join in, photos etc. I salute you it’s great. Honestly I wish you could see the faces of kids when they get this - it is truly wonderful.

DC2 school isn’t doing this - the lack of contact from them is shocking. One letter to the children from their class teachers since school finished. One. They sent an utterly repulsive email about about those who needed key worker places for their children. We have work since Easter but it is pretty much the class PowerPoints, although there are signs of it getting better. There are parents at the school who are teachers and they are disappointed, some quite angry about the lack of effort and care.

DC1 school is doing a weekly letter from the head and their teachers is great and we get a short piece of feedback on some bits of work probably bout once a week. They had google classroom set up from day 1 which was incredible. That’s great with me and really appreciated, and I’ve told them thank you. No video calls but I can’t see how that is practical with both teachers and parents having different schedules , would be very difficult to organise and I’m impressed if you have managed it!

Not all pissed off parents are being unreasonable , although I know quite a lot are!

ODFOD have a

& I also know lots of parents can’t be bothered to teach so must be hard to gauge how much effort to put in if they aren’t going to use it because

“They don’t want yo do it so not making them” Try motivating them like teachers need to

“I haven’t got time” your lifestyle massively suggests otherwise

The problem is it is not one size fits all. At school teachers work hard to make sure kids all have access to the same resources and are on a level ish playing field. They can't control those things at home. For instance some families will have more than one computer, laptop, iPad, xbox etc others won't so delivering online lessons live will mean some kids miss out. Yes your child might have all those things and they are your focus but try to think of others. Some families have more than one kid so have to stagger when each child can use the electronic device to access their work. Who do you prioritise? Some families have sahp that can do a full working from home day with their kids others have part time or full time working parents who cannot watch over their kids whilst doing their work and this seems to cause a massive amount of guilt which is wrongly being directed as anger towards teachers for 'failing' to do their job.

I think the problem is that too many parents are setting themselves up for failure by trying to keep to a normal working school day. Most schools are not actively expecting you to teach your own child formally so don't put that pressure on yourself unnecessarily, you are bound to get stressed. This isn't the time to be keeping up with the Joneses and parents need to accept that some kids will be doing more work than their kids but others will be doing a whole lot less. Isn't it important to also support your kids mental and physical we being too instead of trying and failing to be a stand in teacher?

Some parents will be more capable or motivated themselves in supporting their kids work and teachers have to deal with that too. Every family also has different expectations and some will say too little, too much work has been set. Depending on their own ability they may think it is too easy or hard for their kid. At this time it is very unreasonable to expect teachers to prepare individual learning packs of differing levels to children.

Comparing state and private schools is a waste of time, private have more resources, kids more likely to have a designated work space and access to an electronic device. If you want a private school education for your kid, invest in it.

My dd is at preschool and when the pandemic hit we were directed towards a list of websites which I admit I checked and didn't bother with. They have now sent out a little learning pack with suggestions of activities we can do at home eg. Making salt dough decorations. I am doing one suggested activity with her a day, some counting and letter practice, dance, exercise, reading and playing. Suggested activities though require you to have things at home eg, string, beads, flour and not all parents will have them in and can afford to buy them. The expectation from her nursery is to do what you can and not put pressure on yourself and that is exactly what I am doing.

Hopefully you can understand the challenges faced by teachers and the bigger picture.

YABU for reasons that have been repeated ad nauseum on hundreds of threads like this one

for all the teachers

My DD's teacher sent me (through email) a pack of work and a list of things to get through last week...that list has everything needed until JUNE! JUNE! No google classroom, no zoom...nothing!! And I am DELIGHTED!! I couldn't be bothered with scheduling zoom classes and setting up dd somewhere separate whilst trying to keep her younger DS away! I'm also a teacher OP so I need my laptop to do work for my school and have zoom meetings with other staff (I also email work to the kids I teach weekly)...we're all trying to do our best OP!

You seem to expect life to be normal for teachers, while everyone else's life has been thrown up into the air by all this.

One of the teachers in my family spent a huge amount of time setting up work online for his class. One child, ONE child logged into it. His school is in a deprived area, and there are any number of reasons why the others couldn't/didn't.

You need to chill. Things are not normal in the world at the moment. Your sons mental health and how you come out of this work your relationship intact, is more important than whether his work is marked by the teacher.
You don't know what's going on in his teacher's life either. They could be sick, have sick relatives, have kids at home and one competed between them. Who knows.

Seriously though, calm down. Have a day off with your boy. Do something fun, and then get back on track.

I'm being very child centred with my 7yo. So long as he does maths, reading and writing daily I'm happy to follow his interests. Choose your battles imo. school doesnt seem to mind that weve not done all the work set but have sent them a lovely story about a duck and a volcano, hes clearly doing some work, they say something nice on seesaw, and can tick a box. Rest of time outside, art and baking.

I wish some teachers would understand that some in your profession are letting you down.

I absolutely do @crikeycrumbsblimey. I don't know what job you did, but I imagine that not everyone in your field is perfect either. Or more to the point, not every institution/office/leader in your field is. Because a lot of these decisions aren't being made by teachers, but their schools.

Anyway, I'm happy to answer on this thread because the OP is talking about her child and her child's teacher. It's the OPs on this subject that generalise about all teachers, that that have been resulting in the more angry and defensive responses.

I honestly think schools should just direct pupils to the bbc bitesize stuff. It's really good and there wouldn't be any comparisons between the different schools approaches and teachers wouldn't be getting any flack.
Teachers are already staffing the hub schools as well as looking after their own families and checking in on vulnerable pupils.
Mine is a non teacher opinion though and kids are primary age.

We mark our own year 5s homework, giving him rewards etc for good work. Admittedly we only do two one hour sessions per day but he’s getting it all done so apart from a bit of verbal/non verbal reasoning we’re not doing any extras. Also make up games in the garden like dodgeball variations and call them PE, and a bit of arty/creative stuff for fun. The 12 year old does submit HW to school online each day and gets feedback, but Primary age - I wouldn’t worry, as long as they’re reading, doing some maths and English and staying calm and happy. If they’re happy right now through all this, then that’s a winner.

I think many things about Corona are making people extremely anxious and some of that is manifesting as comparison with others.

No one wants to feel that their child is missing out when other kids are getting a better deal.

So... forget about school. You are enough. Treat this time as an opportunity to develop independent learning skills that wouldn't be possible in the normal day to day.

Project work could be really motivating. And it will develop skills that will serve him well for the long term. Maybe a space project? Tell him you will take it into school when this is all over.

You care very much and your son is a lucky boy.

Yr 3?

What do you want them to do? Mensa prep tests?

If you want him to learn more than they are giving, then do it, its easy to find. Lots of daily videos online.

Nobody expects a year 3 kid to come back brighter than when he left. Don't get so worked up about it.

Unless your insinuation is that teachers just aren't bothering their arses now because they are lazy. That would make you a twat.

Do you want me to send you some of the stuff our schools have sent my dc. Honestly, there is no way anyone can be completing it all, lessons, web site, daily challenges. If we manage to get dd to do one thing a day, we think we are winning.

Your ds is in year 3. Once he goes back to school, it will all be fine and he will slot back in and catch up to where he should be. The older the dc, the harder that will be, ie secondary age, but at primary school, I can’t see they will end up massively behind because you didn’t do a great deal of work through the closure.
I assume you are doing other stuff to keep his brain active? Cooking, baking, art, board games, general playing? They are all as important for a year 3 as academic work.

Couldn't gave but this bit of teacher bashing into one of the other 100 threads on it?

Contact the school if you're so concerned, ranting on mumsnet isn't going to help.

I think you're being unreasonable anyway. Do you have any idea of the actual logistics of teachers doing this? Most are using their own phone, laptops etc to provide current support. Who is going to foot the bill fir all these calls to parents? I see you've mentioned Zoom also, you must have been navigating through this forum with your eyes closed then.

You're acting like a snowflake.

I'm a Secondary School Governor.

Our school have thought long and hard about doing Zoom/live lessons and have decided against it for many reasons.

• not every child has access to a laptop/online precisely when it's required.
• Teachers home life is not set up or suitable for teaching.
• Safeguarding. Children zooming lessons possibly in bedrooms or a state of undress.
• Hacking problems. Our local county Council had Gay Porn videos hacked into their huge zoom council meeting. Teens especially can screen record and manipulate Teachers voices/images.
• Pressure. Everyone learns at a slightly different pace.

On balance I think the school are correct.

They have been very good though. I get 2 calls a week from each of my dcs form tutors. They have set challenging work on our home/school homework platform. Plus directed the students to BBC Bitesize and the National Oak Academy. The dcs have to fill in a detailed work log every day. Some work is given in and feedback given, some not (it would be impossible to mark everything from over 1,000 pupils!)

I actually enjoy my phone calls from my dcs form tutors. We have connected in a human way, also discussing their own anxieties and home/ life issues.

I've struggled to motivate my dcs at times. The thing is, I'm their parent. We have discussed, argued, encouraged etc. You have to find a way. The teachers can only do so much.

I don’t blame teachers at all they are instructed by the school and the unions. Our school management have taken an extremely cautious approach which I guess is not right or wrong but fear driven. The upshot is the majority don’t get much back up from them because of fear of the issues mentioned above.

There are some great apps dd v into duo lingo her maths will be shit at the end of this but she’ll be fluent in French 😁

It’s difficult for everyone at the moment. I think sometimes it’s easier to look for blame, rather than deal with stuff ourselves.
None of this is the teachers’ fault. None of it.

Give yourself and your children a break. Look inside yourself, and trust what you find there.
This will end. It’s nobody’s fault. Least of all the teachers.

I’m not sure concerns about safety or implementation should be called ‘fear-driven’

I agree live lessons have issues. But the odd prerecorded lesson would be great. But yes I think it is fear driven in our school. They are terrified of harm to the small minority so have panicked and not done anything for anyone. That’s my take on our situation anyway. Am I not allowed an opinion now?!

I will read one by one. I do appreciate those being objective reminding me teachers have children of their own too. I apologise for having not realised it, as DS's teachers none has school age children. So my bias wasn't fair.

But I'm not complaining how much I've done. It's my job. Even in the normal school days, my job is to ensure he hands in homework and I work with him together and mark his work before it's handed in.

I have a 10 months old too, who's not sleep trained. It means I spent a large amount of time tendering the baby and therefore being unable to sit next to him giving him the minute-to-minute support he needs from me.

He has mild ADHD (not formally diagnosed) which runs in my family. So his concentration has gone downhill all the way without the school setting. He doesn't regard me the same as his teacher (of course not). So that means when I say the same critics as that would have been said by his teacher, he reacts negatively/defiantly/hurtfully.

I ask myself if there's more I could do. I don't think I can give myself a different answer. I spent at average 2 hours researching online every night on what tips could help him, summarising them and printing them out. Or any craft/science DIY experiments he could do at home. That's usually around 2am in the mornings after I put down the baby to sleep and tender him when he wakes up several times a night, on top of any basic housework. (Baby is clingy and had reflux so I don't have much time/freedom to do work).

In a day, I spent 2/3 of my time with him, guiding him on instructions, questions, marking his work, catching up on concepts he's not able to deal with himself. I honestly understand it's my job to do it. Only 1/4 of the time for the baby and the rest is cooking and tidying up.

But my problem is the attitude from school has made me feel we are left mostly alone to handle this while I think (still think) they could have done a bit more. Parental relationship is not the same as how the children regard their teacher. A word from their teacher beats 1 hours repetition from the parent. With his ADHD kept on the bay in the school, he's thriving. But at home, with his impulse and difficulty of focus, he's frustrated and doesn't trust me doing the best to help him.

I decided to relax from now on. I came from a world where academy matters a lot. So probably it made me inflexible (oh, I have ADHD too).

My frustration with his school is probably not an isolated occasion. Over years, got a feeling they are very defensive whenever parents raise any issue. (We are not the only parents who have the same feeling.) They tend to either brush it a way or point back saying it's your child who's the problem. So that doesn't help with my being objective right now.

Anyway, I appreciate any comments given to me on how to handle better and I will ignore those telling me off saying it's my job (yes, I'd doing my job but I think school could have done a bit more or care a bit more).

I will read all post and take notes on good suggestions that might work for us. Thanks to all.

Same here op. My eldest is in year 4. We have had almost zero communication from the school since day one.
Every 2 weeks they email a list of mandatory work. But no answers or guidance is provided. Nothing is submitted for marking so don't know if right or wrong.
They are not using Google classroom or zoom or anything like that. No communication with individual teachers at all. Only email contact is the school office who will pass a message on.
If the teacher is at home they are not even replying to emails. Only the ones who are in the school building. Our school has 400 pupils and only 10 keyworker children are in. So only a couple of teachers are in school. We haven't heard of the head teacher at all. Just seen a photo of her sunning herself in her huge back garden.

I don't for one minute believe all schools are like this but I'm talking about our school alone. Many, many parents have sent in complaints and spoke of their disappointment on social media. It seems we have just been left to it

OP, I want to apologise for my post at 3:05 this morning. I was tired, stressed and grumpy, but shouldn’t have been rude to you. Sorry.

They are terrified of harm to the small minority so have panicked and not done anything for anyone.

Or they’re experienced professionals who have taken a reasoned position that you don’t happen to agree with.

I decided to relax from now on. I came from a world where academy matters a lot. So probably it made me inflexible

I must be getting soft, because that made me want to give you a hug @Ohlife2020!
I'm glad you've recognised what's going on in your head and that you're going to relax now. Remember that every child is in the same position (only probably worse because most won't have parents as involved in their learning) so when your son goes back, he's not going to be out of step with the rest of his class.

On the other hand, if you continued to push him in a stressy way, your realtioship wouldn't recover anywhere near as quickly or as easily as his education will.

Make the next two days learning all about how to have fun and re-connect!