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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's wrong to sell hand me downs?

52 replies

travellerist · 29/04/2020 14:08

6 months ago I gave a friend some of DC's toys free of charge, some of which were fairly expensive when I bought them (i.e. £180 ice cream stall). I was happy to part with them for nothing as DC had good use out of them and my friend was more strapped for cash since going on mat leave.

However, yesterday I noticed this friend was selling many of these items (including said ice cream stall for £80) on FB. AIBU to be slightly annoyed at this friend for selling on these toys, especially since I only gave them 6 months ago and her DC is still of an age to get good use out of them?

I generally work off the rule that if I bought the item then I may choose to sell it in the future (although for most DC toys/clothes I donate them). If someone hands down/gifts me items then once I have gotten use out of it I pay that generosity forward and usually donate to charity or other friends.

I know once I gift someone an item it's entirely up to them what they do with it, but this has slightly irritated me. FYI my friend and her partner have a stable a job as you can have in these times and are by no means on the breadline but equally aren't rolling in it.

Appreciate your thoughts

OP posts:
20viona · 29/04/2020 15:15

Yeah I'd be annoyed. I had tons of baby clothes either never worn or worn once but I won't sell them as they were gifts, instead I have given them to charity.
I feel better that way I couldn't accept money it wouldn't seem fair.

Leaannb · 29/04/2020 15:17

@Cyclewoman are you really upset that she did the same thing that you were going to do with it? She gave it away

Nosuchluck · 29/04/2020 15:18

Ask for the ice cream thing back, say it’s s for another friend.

Crazybunnylady123 · 29/04/2020 15:18

I generally pass read books to mum and she does the same to me and then we donate to the charity book stall in our Sainsbury’s.
I mostly gift unwanted kids toys on freegle, dd has had use of them and time to pass them on to another kid to enjoy.
Kids clothes I have so far kept as I’m now expecting my second. As I’m not having anymore kids after the clothes are grown out of I will pass on any that still may have some use. But I will be keeping a few nice bits to pass on to my brother if he ever has little ones. I’m not that bothered if they are sold once I have given them away to be honest. It’s just keeping my house tidy and things not being wasted.

Leaannb · 29/04/2020 15:19

@CecilyP just because a child could still get use out of it doesn't mean that the child does. Thats a big item to keep around just because

1forAll74 · 29/04/2020 15:21

It is a bit cheeky to do this, but some people will do this to make a bit of money.
I had a neighbour years ago,who had a rickety old pushbike. and another near neighbour gave her a newish nice shiny bike, hardly used one. Then my neighbour decided she would rather keep her rickety old bike, and asked me if I would like the newish one, she wheeled it round to my place,and said, would £ 60 be ok.

I actually paid her this money, as I was thinking about a new found exercise routine in my old age. So after a couple of rides, I found the bike was too heavy for me to handle, so went off it a bit. In the end,I gave it away to someone else.

CecilyP · 29/04/2020 15:23

But if she didn’t want or have room for this big item she could have refused it. In fairness she might have thought her child might like it or she might have considered selling it all along!

rainbow1982 · 29/04/2020 15:23

I think it's cheeky because you could've sold them yourself but chose to donate them to her! 😡she should at least offer them back as others have said

CycleWoman · 29/04/2020 15:23

@ Leaannb I told her when I gave it to her I knew someone else who might want it and to give it back if she wouldn’t use it. I’d have rather my other friend had it than someone I didn’t know at all.

Fair enough if I hadn’t mentioned tha

vanillandhoney · 29/04/2020 15:25

I think if you give someone something, it needs to be with no-strings-attached, otherwise it's not really a gift, is it?

I get that it stings but you could have sold them yourself and chose not to. Once you've gifted them to her, it's not upto you what happens to them.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 29/04/2020 15:25

I'm with you on this one OP, I find it extremely distasteful to sell on things you have been given.

Aria2015 · 29/04/2020 15:38

I agree with you op. I do the same as you, if someone gifts me something, I gift it onwards after I no longer need it. I wouldn't want the person who gifted it to me to see me profit from their generosity, it would make me uncomfortable. Technically I know once you've given something away it's up to that person what they do with it, but selling it and making money is in bad taste imo.

readingismycardio · 29/04/2020 15:50

I also believe that while she's technically entitled, still bad form.

I'd be tempted to ask her for the ice cream thing back

"Hi friend,
I see you're done with using x. My friend Helen would love to have it for her DD. When can I collect?"

Maybeimweird · 29/04/2020 15:51

Did she actually want them? Or did she take them off your hands because she coundt say no? The amount of stuff people tried to donate to me when I was pregant pissed me right off because I was too nice to say no thankyou then I would get lumbered with all the crap they didn't want! Also you say the child would still have time to get good use out of them...yes in your eyes but maybe its too big and cluttering the house. I get it might be cheeky to make money off what you've brought but if you gave it away then it's not really yours anymore. It is annoying that it's in your face though!

Cheeeeislifenow · 29/04/2020 15:53

Maybe your friend need s the money?

Moooms · 29/04/2020 15:58

I think that's so cheeky of her.
Say you'll have it back as you have someone else you want to give it to

Isawamagpie · 29/04/2020 16:08

Personally, if I've been gifted an item and I later find i don't need it, I'm inclined to sell it (and yes I sell items very cheaply, as every bit of money I make for my DS goes to my DS in savings)
However, I have asked the giver first if they would like the item back, or if they didn't mind me selling it.

...not everybody would think this way, and i think YABU to assume no financial difficulties - I have been on the verge of bankruptcy before now and nobody but my partner and I knew - I would try not to get wound up about whats happening to some items you didn't want in the first place.

Might not be the perfect form from you friend, but it really is up to her what she does next.

allinit2gether · 29/04/2020 16:11

Can't see your friend needing money has anything to do with it. Awfully rude. At least you have a measure of her going forward.

HalloHalloHallo · 29/04/2020 16:12

Did you offer these items to your friend or did she ask you for them?

You 'Oh btw I have a few bits I'm getting rid of if you want them?'

or

Cheeky Friend 'I'd love to have that for my DC if yours is no longer using?'

If she asked for them it's cheeky of her to now sell them on. But if you offered to her then maybe she didn't actually want them and is now realising she could sell and get the cash?

Umnoway · 29/04/2020 16:13

Generally when you give something away you have to accept that it is now that person’s to do with what they wish. They don’t have to keep it forever and treasure it, it clearly doesn’t serve her DC anymore so what should she do with it?

I’m imagining she’s cash strapped as many are right now.

Northernsoullover · 29/04/2020 16:21

I think its really cheeky. Yes it is hers to do as she wishes but still!
I don't give anything away that could be sold. I'd rather give it to charity

butterpuffed · 29/04/2020 16:31

I think I'd be quite hurt if a friend did that to me . if it's given away for free then she should do the same when there's no longer any use for it.

honeybee1986 · 29/04/2020 16:36

I'd be really peeved at this and quite annoyed. She should pass on to someone else to use and not sell. Really cheeky !!

Cheeeeislifenow · 29/04/2020 16:43

Can't see your friend needing money has anything to do with it. Awfully rude. At least you have a measure of her going forward

It's not like people's incomes have been vastly affected or anything recently.

MegaClutterSlut · 29/04/2020 16:52

Yanbu this has happened to me so I didn't give her anything else after that. I could've done with the money myself tbh. She had the cheek to ask if I was getting rid of anything else could she have it Hmm

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