My name or exes name first?

[ShambalaHambala]

I've recently put in an application through family court to have my son's name double barreled. They will not remove my exes surname (even though he's been given no contact through the courts for domestic abuse) and have been told it is reasonable that they will make an order to double barrel. I have every intention of not using my exes surname, but am not sure which order the surnames should be. It sounds fine either way round. What would you do?

When you say "double barreled" does that mean with a hyphen or without?

If with a hyphen, I'd prob go yours first. If without (which would be my preference if you get a choice) I'd put his first and then pretend it's just a middle name and use yours day to day.

No hyphen, then yours last. I don’t know if it’s true but I’ve heard if there’s a hyphen you have to legally use the whole thing as its the name, no hyphen and you don’t need to legally use it all (but the legality around names in this country is weak anyway.
I would instinctively drop the first of a double barrelled name if I was doing so, you could just make exes name a middle name

It depends on whether you’re hyphenating or not? I used a hyphen with my sons and put mine first which is his ‘known as name’ but everyone everywhere always calls out the full name which enrages me as his dad walked away 9 years ago and hasn’t seen him since.

If I could do it again I would put his name first no hyphen and my name last so people will think it’s a middle name or another middle name etc.

Without a hyphen, definitely put yours last. If you're using a hyphen it's more complicated.

He can be 'known as' at school, doctor's etc. so make sure you only use your name then, regardless of whether it's first or last.

My name is double-barelled and when I, say, telephone a utility supplier, I often have to correct people who tend to refer to me by the last one. Maybe in your case you could put yours last so that, in the event that others don't use the full surname, they at least use the one you actually want them to.

If you aren't using a hyphen then definitely use yours last. The father's name will then be like an additional middle name (and not many people use their middle names).

If using a hyphen then yours first. If not then yours last.

for you lady

Mine is last. Dc is known by mine as the first surname is very much a ‘name’ than a surname. It looks like another middle name.

It can go either way, my friend had a double barrelled surname and dropped the last name as that's her mums and she has no contract with her.

Id suggest you don't put a hyphen in so if its Smith & Jones, just use Smith Jones, much easier to drop whichever one you want to drop.

If your ex is abusive, can you petition to have it changed for safety? (I have no idea how that might work in practice and law but thought I'd throw it in there)

When I say safety I mean so he or you can't be tracked down

At school they offer known as. Just put first name +your surname in that box.
Ds has db but just first is used.

I would say yours last

Yours first, and hope people just drop off the second one for everyday use

I find the opposite happens.

Yours last. I did this and exes has dropped off and an unused middle name, within a year. Doctors and school did it without us asking.

As an unused middle name*

Our children have double barrelled surnames, his first, then mine. Sometimes people just use mine, but never just his. So I’d say yours second, less likely to be used based on my experience!

I’d say put yours second, then drop his for known as.

If you follow the British tradition, then your name would come before Ex, but your name may often be considered a middle name and may sometimes get dropped.
If you follow the Spanish tradition your Ex name would be first, then yours.

Yours first- people I know always drop the second surname

Put yours last and don't hyphenate to maximise the chance of people thinking your ex's name is a middle name

I'd say yours last. People are used to looking for one last name, so are probably more likely to drop the middle one.

My daughter has a double barrelled name, mine first, if one of the names is dropped, it's always the last (his)

Yours last and ‘forget’ the hyphen when registering at doctors/dentist etc 😂

I agree yours last.

Our two have names like eg Jack Lewis-Jones / Catherine Lewis-Jones and every time they are shortened (by school, the train company, the football club etc) it is always to Jones. DH and I are still together and one of us is Jones and the other is Lewis in this scenario.

Mine last it is then. It's all very daunting and the ex is not happy about it but it means a lot to me to have it changed.