Me or him?!

[highlyunreasonable]

I'm currently working from home, work today in particular has been really busy. OH is furloughed but on full pay so is effectively at home with nothing to do.
He's fab at having fun with the kids, but when it comes to anything adult I'm realising - not so much.
I've ended up completely flipping out at him as, after a full day of me trying to help the kids with their school work and do my own work, he'd still failed to do the 2 little things I'd asked him to do (put some washing away and clean the bathroom) I'd asked yesterday but it didn't happen, and again today but when I finished working at 5.30 there was a pile of washing up from lunch, 2 hungry kids asking what was for tea, a filthy bathroom and a massive pile of washed and dried laundry still to put away. I absolutely lost my shit with him (away from the kids) called him all the names under the sun and called him out on his laziness. Today he'd played footy with the kids and helped youngest with maths this morning. Other than that he'd sat on the sofa all day.
Since my flip he's been acting like Cinderella. He's cleaned every surface in the house, washed, dried but has been in a huge silk the whole time. He's not spoken to me or the kids. They asked if he wanted to come watch tv tonight and his response was "no, I've got too many jobs to do" 🤔
It's now twenty to one in the morning and I'm in bed but he's still stomping around downstairs 'tidying' .... am I being unreasonable here? Should I go invite him up to bed? Feels like he's trying to make me feel bad which I sort of do but also sort of don't 🤣

I'd thank him this morning for the super clean house. Apologise for calling him names/swearing at him etc. And then agree what needs to be done by whom in the future.

At the end of the day, for you to come out of your work space only to find more mess, no thought given to dinner etc, especially when you'd been doing the homeschooling too, you had every right to be pretty upset. So now it's time to move on and hopefully agree how this works in future.

DH isn't working, I am. He's doing the bulk of the day to day tidying and chores. We're sharing the cleaning, mostly on the weekend. He's doing the homeschooling and I'm doing all the shopping, meal planning and prep. It's working pretty well.

To be honest I think everyone shouting abuse is throwing this out of proportion.

For one you have no idea what is the norm in the ops relationship. Perhaps when they both get stressed/wound up etc they let fly to get it all out but then kiss and make up the next day.

Maybe.. just maybe... the op exaggerated the way she actually reacted. And instead of all the names under the sun called him a lazy cock and he needs to use is f*ing eyes and do some god damn work in the house before she has a bloody breakdown.

That's not a tirade of abuse and just using strong language to get her feelings out.

I think he did guilty passive aggressive cleaning knowing he was in the wrong but making a point that he was putting it right in a very childish martyrish way

Unless you were there stop accusing the OP of being an abusive wife who needs to be locked up

Maybe.. just maybe... the op exaggerated the way she actually reacted. And instead of all the names under the sun called him a lazy cock and he needs to use is f*ing eyes and do some god damn work in the house before she has a bloody breakdown.

Or maybe the OP's description of her behaviour is accurate. Which is more likely? People are not known for exaggerating the extent of their abusive behaviour.

Unless you were there stop accusing the OP of being an abusive wife who needs to be locked up

No one's said that she is an abusive wife or needs to be locked up. Absolutely no-one. But what the OP has described is verbal abuse. It hinders not helps her situation. In fact it helps no-one, ever, and we (ie you) shouldn't bend over backwards to minimise it.

I'd be pretty hurt and upset if anyone screamed and name called at me. It sounds as if he got the message but is now showing how he feels about the name calling by stomping and sulking. Behaviour does breed behaviour so hardly a big surprise.

It's bloody tough maintaining civilities in this current situation. It would test the strongest relationship.

I don't think it should be about blame or who is wrong and who is right. More about both parties accepting what's happened, apologising to each other, talking it through calmly and making a plan for moving forward for the remainder of the lockdown.

You clearly both have communication problems. You had to call him every name under the sun to get him to do something and he can't speak to you as he sulks.

Sorry everyone I completely forgot I'd posted this until just now!
I run a business and my office is home based mainly anyway so my hours are not set. I am setting aside time to do some work away from family in my office each day and also some homeschooling with the kids (they're 10 and 6) but on the day in question it was a particularly manic day work wise for me which didn't help.
Agree I probably shouldn't have got so annoyed at him but let me clarify that by 'losing my shit' I meant I'd called him a lazy bastard, cried and angrily folded some towels. If that's abuse then I guess I need locking up
This isn't the first time I've had a go at him for not pulling his weight. Forgetting the current situation, we both work full time but I cook all meals and seem to end up doing all the housework as he just doesn't seem to notice that anything needs doing. I don't mind a bit of mess, I'm not asking for a show home but surely he can see when there's 2 full wash baskets full of clean clothes that need putting away? Or a pile of washing up by the sink?
Anyway, we're all friends again now. I went downstairs at about 2am to find him asleep on the kitchen table, the house was immaculate and all the washing done
I'm hoping it's given him a kick up the bum and maybe he'll realise that it's not actually a magic fairy that ensures he's got clean undies to wear every day but I guess only time will tell. He helped the kids do all their work yesterday while I got on with my work and he's washed up after breakfast today, we did a family PE session and then he made everyone lunch so we'll see how long it continues!
Maybe I'll have to find someone else to bully now

Seriously though, I'd probably say sorry for getting so het up, and can we do a sort of roster or something, maybe including the kids helping, and make it fun/nice?

I wouldn't. I'd be locking myself in a room and doing what pp suggested like emptying the dishwasher and putting a load of washing in the machine in the morning, hanging it out at lunchtime and not much else except WFH until the end of the work-day.

And if everything goes to hell in a handbasket? I'd be pointing out all the things he hadn't done while i got on with a jigsaw with the kids.