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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have said this to this woman?

73 replies

GobbleGob · 28/04/2020 16:56

Was driving home this morning from doing my shopping and out of nowhere a small child (no older than 3 I'd have said) stepped out into the road. She didn't run in front of my car but she was definitely about to if I hadn't slammed my breaks on and startled her.

Her mum was no where to be seen at first and then came sauntering round a corner about 30 seconds later with not a care in the world.

I basically had a bit of 'a go' and said she should keep a closer eye on her child, it was a main road for goodness sake. She told me to mind my own business which considering I was seconds away from hitting her child with my car, I thought was pretty daft.

I was absolutely sick afterwards with panic, shaking and if I'm honest nearly crying. If I'd have been going faster or not been paying as close attention I could have killed the poor wee girl. I've not stopped thinking about it since, what could have happened. It's really shaken me up.

I wasn't unreasonable was I?! Honestly she didn't come round the corner concerned about her DDs whereabouts, she had quite clearly wondered ahead and mum just wasn't bothered. She could not see her from round the corner when she stepped onto the road.

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/04/2020 19:05

YANBU
I do wonder if the people, who act like this don’t drive. At the junction between my road and the main road through the village, there is a complete blind spot on the pavement for several metres until about a metre before the junction. The junction is also on a hill and just after a bend. As the car’s nose is further forward, pedestrians can obviously see them as they arrive far before the driver can see the pedestrians.

Some parents on the walk to school let their children hurtle down the hill toward the junction with my road and I obviously have to drive with extreme caution when approaching the junction.

About 6 months ago, a yr7 boy arrived at full pelt on a scissor scooter (which can go even faster than a normal one). He narrowly missed hitting my car. I literally didn’t know he was coming until he has literally arrived on the pavement beside my car. I sat gawping at his (non driving) mother in a wtf are you letting your child do kind of way. She did the death stare.

My thoughts were, I could have killed your kid. He was going at least 20 mph and I wouldn’t even have known he was there until it was too late. Clueless. Stupid woman. The scooter is an absolute death trap and she’s not taught him any sense at all on it, allowing him to speed on paths and pavements during school run and narrowly mowing down pedestrians, who have had to jump out of the way.

RyanBergarasTeeth · 28/04/2020 19:06

@ViciousJackdaw it stops your heart doesnt it. I was a teenager at the time and too shocked and shy. Now i wish i had ripped her apart. So totally understand why op cant stop thinking about it.

Ohtherewearethen · 28/04/2020 19:07

I'm not surprised thus gave you a fright, hood grief that takes some coming down from. Thank goodness you had your wits about you, it's easy to get distracted.
It absolutely maddens me to see parents so blasé about road safety. On my walks around the housing estate I've seen babies playing in the actual road with toddler siblings. I know toads are quieter but cars still very much go up and down this road. I also saw a woman with a crowd of children around her waiting to cross the road. If can get busy and it is a bit of a wait sometimes which can be annoying (there is a zebra crossing about 30 metres further up). She said to all the children, "Oh come on, just go, the cars will stop". I couldn't believe my ears.

Cherrysoup · 28/04/2020 19:10

Same happened to me and I had a bit of a go at the parents as I returned a not even w year old to his house off a main road (grass verge between road and lane house is on. They were frantic, having just noticed him missing.

I can’t believe that mum was so chill letting her child wander round unsupervised. I know we don’t know the circumstances surrounding why the child was round the corner alone, but I wouldn’t let dc out of my sight. YANBU, obviously.

Crimsonnightlotus · 28/04/2020 19:12

You have done nothing wrong, OP. I would be shaken up and definitely have a go at the mum. Some people don't realise how fragile and precious life is until it's too late.

Slurryingback · 28/04/2020 19:13

This happened to me today OP (me being the mum.) Not saying it was you and I in this exchange, but there are a lot of factors which are similar. In my case, I would really want you to see everything else going on in situations like this.

I have three DC under 5 and am single parenting. We live in a small house. All are indoors and going spare because of the weather. I am trying to home educate two of them and occupy the youngest. The youngest ran out of my front door when I was putting the bin out, the middle child noticed him and chased him. Youngest disappeared around a corner and I followed him while middle child jumped on to a bank on the other side of the road.
I emerged from around the corner after grabbing the youngest to see a woman stopped in her car while my middle child was still stood on the bank, and she told me off. I wasn’t entirely clear what happened but it was a thoroughfare in a village and in the time I was out (about 5 mins) only one car (this woman’s) went past so when I weighed up the risks of following the youngest I thought it was unlikely a car would come in the seconds I took to grab the youngest.

I realise it was not the best situation, not the best example of parenting, but I am run off my feet, exhausted and literally pulled in several directions.

MrsSnitchnose · 28/04/2020 19:41

Not unreasonable at all. I would presume you were in shock, and it sounds like you handled the situation very well considering

Hunnybears · 28/04/2020 19:49

Clearly she’s one of those parents that doesn’t seem to care as much. I’d be in complete panic if I couldn’t find my child and they’re both older than that.

Some people aren’t great parents are they...

YogaFaker · 28/04/2020 19:52

Oh you poor thing OP what a shock. You absolutely did the right thing.

HatRack · 28/04/2020 19:54

Report to SS

spongedog · 28/04/2020 19:59

Judging by how fast people are driving round here at the moment she was taking quite a risk with her child. (And I have seen the pp describing how stressed/exhausted they are - in my village at the moment - 30mph speed limit - speeds are up to 50mph. No child, adult or animal stands a chance after being hit at that speed). It bemuses me - so much less traffic than normal = why speed ffs.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/04/2020 20:03

What the bloody hell was she thinking of. I can't believe that someone would.be so callous with their own child. The old mind your own business card is always pulled when people fuck up and don't have a reply.

mrsBtheparker · 28/04/2020 20:05

So many women on their phones with kids walk miles behind them, little ones being left to cross the roads on their own while Mummy dearest is yelling at her partner down the phone!

So very true. I was once walking along a wide pavement and there was a small child pushing her toy buggy ahead of me, no sign of a parent. As we walked past a gap in the buildings a gust of wind blew the buggy out of the child's grip, into the road. The child started to run after it and I managed to reach her in time to grab her arm, her breeder saunter up, still looking at her phone,and gave me a mouthful in her own language, gesturing that I'd hurt her child's arm, I probably had too. She learned some good old Anglo-Saxon that day.

CelestialSpanking · 28/04/2020 20:06

YANBU and it was very much your business as you nearly ran over her kid (through no fault of your own). It’s frightening how blasé some parents are with their small children near roads etc but I might be over cautious as my youngest was a bolter when he was very little so I wasn’t able to let my guard down at all.

hopetobeabride · 28/04/2020 20:14

This happened to us the other week. DH and DD has been playing in the garden. They then went into the garage to get some bubbles and he turned around and she wasn't there. The garage is quite a long way from the road. He immediately sprinted out to the road and a driver found had luckily stopped for her.

The driver was obviously shook up, DH was devastated About what could have happened and DD was oblivious. She must have absolutely sprinted out there because I'd seen them less than a minute earlier from a window.

We were horrified with what had happened, hugely grateful to the diligent driver and we couldn't be more apologetic and thankful. Accidents happen, people to let their guards down. We're so aware that that was probably one of the luckiest days of our life.

You were not unreasonable to have said what you did! If it wasn't for drivers like you we could be living a very different reality right now.

GabsAlot · 28/04/2020 20:49

its bloody awful op i dont blame u for being shocked

blaming that youre a single parents and it shard isnt going to cut it when your childs dead and someone has to live with the guilt slurrying

PancakesAndSyrup · 28/04/2020 20:56

This happened to me in a supermarket carpark. A little girl, no older than 4 ran out in front of my car from inbetween 2 parked cars. I was really shaken up by it. But her parents just shrugged it off. YANBU at all

SenselessUbiquity · 28/04/2020 21:25

Sometimes people take on board what you say but don't show it. You may have given her a scare and it may change how she looks after her little girl. I hope so.

FrenchBoule · 28/04/2020 22:34

DC1 when younger twice nearly stepped out into the road just as the car was approaching. Both time I yelled at him and he stopped.
Both times I had DC2 with me.
Quiet residential street but just rotten luck that car appeared there and then.

DC2 has ASD and zero road sense. We were walking on the pavement holding his had. The car appeared, DC2 decided to break free. I nearly broke his arm but it was either that or dead.

It takes literally a split second.

Also witnessed several parents being so relaxed about it- best one is a mother of three living nearby-kids run in all directions and she thinks it’s so cute and funny. It’s a miracle they are still alive with the idiot of a mother 🙄

SchadenfreudePersonified · 29/04/2020 09:41

A young boy (about 6 or 7 I would say) came busily scootering along a side road (on his way to school on his own) luckily I did clock him and thought “I think he might come straight out” and he did

Many years ago at the height of the skateboard craze a boy came at full pelt down a hill straight into the car in front of us on the road. The driver must have had lightening reflexes as he managed to veer to that he just clipped him with the side of the car - we also managed to stop in time, thank heavens.

But that child came literally from out of sight to almost on top of the car in seconds.

zingally · 29/04/2020 10:37

This has happened to me twice.
The first time a parent yanked the kid back and yelled at me, like I'd been the one to make him step into the road.
The second time, the parent was incredibly apologetic, and as I drove off, I saw them give the kid a right clout across the bum. I wouldn't normally be in favour of whacking the kid, but in this case, if it had been my kid, I'd absolutely have done the same.

AdoptedBumpkin · 29/04/2020 10:41

What a horrible experience. Understandable.

LolaDarkdestroyer · 29/04/2020 10:49

Shocking my toddler does not leave my side walking...these things can happen BUT being the parent I'd be the one mortified, upset apologising etc some people amaze me.

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