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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have said this to this woman?

73 replies

GobbleGob · 28/04/2020 16:56

Was driving home this morning from doing my shopping and out of nowhere a small child (no older than 3 I'd have said) stepped out into the road. She didn't run in front of my car but she was definitely about to if I hadn't slammed my breaks on and startled her.

Her mum was no where to be seen at first and then came sauntering round a corner about 30 seconds later with not a care in the world.

I basically had a bit of 'a go' and said she should keep a closer eye on her child, it was a main road for goodness sake. She told me to mind my own business which considering I was seconds away from hitting her child with my car, I thought was pretty daft.

I was absolutely sick afterwards with panic, shaking and if I'm honest nearly crying. If I'd have been going faster or not been paying as close attention I could have killed the poor wee girl. I've not stopped thinking about it since, what could have happened. It's really shaken me up.

I wasn't unreasonable was I?! Honestly she didn't come round the corner concerned about her DDs whereabouts, she had quite clearly wondered ahead and mum just wasn't bothered. She could not see her from round the corner when she stepped onto the road.

OP posts:

oakleaffy · 28/04/2020 17:51

Not unreasonable at all, OP.....
I saw a mother so absorbed on her phone, ''sauntering'' as you describe, and her child was dashing ahead at a rate of knots and was about two rush into the road..I yelled out ''NO!!!!! STOP!!!!'' in a foghorn voice, and the child stopped...The mother was oblivious, I really did say some choice things about ''Look after your child''&c&c....it really shocked me.I sympathise.

oakleaffy · 28/04/2020 17:52

Wonder if it was the same parent??

HandfulofDust · 28/04/2020 17:52

Of course YANBU. If the mum had come running around the corner in a panic and was obviously shaken up then you'd be a bit harsh to stick the knife in but she obviously was just being rubbish so you were right to give her a verbal kick up the bum!

WoollyMollyMonkey · 28/04/2020 17:55

No you’re not unreasonable at all. It really shakes you up. Similar happened to me, some years ago now, and I must say I have my eyes on stalks when children are about now.

A young boy (about 6 or 7 I would say) came busily scootering along a side road (on his way to school on his own) luckily I did clock him and thought “I think he might come straight out” and he did. I was already going quite slow (near a school) and then slowed a bit more but all the same it gave me an awful fright. I lowered my window and shouted to him “ You came across that road without looking. My car could have hit you. You’re a very naughty boy!” He blushed very red and scootered off. (I chuckle to myself now about the “very naughty boy” bit now.) Hope it did give him a fright and that he learnt his lesson.

RadicalFern · 28/04/2020 17:55

YANBU OP. Well done for being an attentive and careful driver! Do try not to replay it all in you head too much (I know it's difficult when you've had a shock and a scare and been angry). ?

supersop60 · 28/04/2020 17:58

YANBU at all. I had something similar happen to me. When I 'spoke' to the mum, she just said "I could see her".
To which I replied "But you were too far away to stop her!"
OP - give thanks for your quick reactions. Good driving.

Afternooninthepark · 28/04/2020 18:00

20 years ago, a relatives child was the same age when he walked into the path of an oncoming car, unfortunately even though the driver was only driving at 25 mph the child died 2 weeks later from his injuries. I often wonder how that poor driver must have felt and how their have lived their lives since that awful day. That mother you encountered is an irresponsible parent.

ScrimpshawTheSecond · 28/04/2020 18:00

YANBU. OP, that would have been so traumatic and upsetting. Thank god you were able to stop in time. Please be gentle with yourself, that might take a bit of processing.

Billben · 28/04/2020 18:01

YANBU at all. Frankly, you’ve handled the situation a lot better than I would have. I would have effed and blinded at her purely from the shock. Then I would have driven home crying. The trouble is, incidents like these put the fear of God into you for weeks every time you have to get behind the wheel.

strawberry2017 · 28/04/2020 18:05

This is one of my worst fears, my DD is 2 and so fast when she wants to be. She also doesn't really listen to me yet. Thinks running away is funny.
I'm pregnant and I've had terrible SPD. Through fear (before lockdown) I wouldn't take her anywhere alone.
I knew I couldn't chase her and I wasn't prepared to take any risks at all.
YANBU

3746xvy734 · 28/04/2020 18:09

YAMDNBU

Thinkingabout1t · 28/04/2020 18:09

the pram rolled straight into the road in front of the bus. I yanked it back and pulled it to safety before the bus hit it and the mother gave me the dirtiest look in the world and silently ripped the pram out of my hands

Beyond belief. Well done anyway, to you and OP and all who have saved a child's life. Whether the brainless parents were grateful or not!

Lordfrontpaw · 28/04/2020 18:10

It’s the kids on scooters that puts the fear of god into me.

I worked in a place with a nursery and one day all the nannies (who were from the same country) were in a daze because one of their mutual friends (a nanny) had been taking her 2 charges to nursery - the little girl was on a scooter and rolled into the road in front of a bus and the nanny flew after her. They were both hit and killed.

NothingIsWrong · 28/04/2020 18:11

My daughter slipped my hand when she was about 3 and darted out - luckily I could grab her, unluckily for her she ended up being hauled backwards out of the road by her ponytail as that was the bit I managed to grab. I remember yelling at her and then bursting into tears. She did never do it again, I think she got a proper shock. You were definitely NBU

iamfleabagandclaire · 28/04/2020 18:11

I once grabbed a toddler out of the path of a bus in a city centre. The other and her friend were a good 30 yards up the street with a clear view (if they had their heads out of their phones). I had that child in my arms for a good 30 seconds before I was able to work out who the parent was on the busy street. I told the mother what had happened. She didn't even try to say thank you and proceeded to yell at the toddler. I said 'it's not her fault, so stop taking it out on her' she then picked her up and walked off complaining to her friend about who the fuck did I think I was. Err the person who just saved your child from possible death. Too outing to specify but I have two incidents in my life involving children hit by buses and dying. I was livid!

julybaby32 · 28/04/2020 18:12

You are not unreasonable at all. I'm so glad you had quick reactions and quite understand the shakiness.
About 20 years ago now I was walking past a primary school, two women were talking and they kids were chasing each other around them around them. one kid ran out in front of a car. I grabbed the child under both arms and swung him round to put him downright next to the women on the pavement. Car slammed the brakes on. Car driver gave me a glare, understandable I guess, he didn't know the child wasn't mine. I swiftly worked out who the mother was by which woman glared and me and grabbed the child.
It was kind of obvious what had happened - the car was still there. I walked on. Always wondered what was so bad about me that I deserved aggression for possibly saving the child from injury. (would have been very low speed collision at worst, but I think the driver stopped at 2 or 3 inches short of the spot I picked the child up from).
But when it happens to someone else, Op I can see that just more that she was upset that you knew she wasn't as wonderful a mother as perhaps she thought she was. It seems to be not an uncommon reaction then?

Namechange4nowt45 · 28/04/2020 18:14

Lazy parenting at it's best yanbu op! I permanently had a hold of my kids hands or they clung on to our pram, I never allowed them to run free incase they ran on a road or even fell over off the path it's too scary to think of, I bet if you had knocked the child over its mother would have blamed you .grr lazy parents!

MyHeartBeatsInEights · 28/04/2020 18:19

What a fright you must have had! You are definitely not unreasonable. Can't believe the mother wasn't bothered she was so far ahead.

I have a 5 year old and make her walk beside me on the inside away from the road just in case she trips never mind runs out. We were nearing a corner on a walk and she ran ahead a few metres so she was just out of sight were the road turned and I got a huge fright just not seeing the road behind the hedge 'just incase'!

Maybe the mother felt embarrassed (and so she should) and that's why she told you to mind your own business? Hopefully she's learned something.

MinnieJackson · 28/04/2020 18:30

YANBU at all. I'm not sure if it's because 2 of my dc have asd and have been known to bolt with no warning, but when I see little kids walking or scootering a distance away from parents I can barely stand to look! It only takes a split second for something devastating to happen

Shuttup · 28/04/2020 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Puds11 · 28/04/2020 18:46

Really @Shuttup get a hobby.

SpilltheTea · 28/04/2020 18:49

It's disgusting that people like this are responsible for human lives. Poor kid with a useless mother like that. Sorry you had that experience OP.

SpilltheTea · 28/04/2020 18:51

@Shuttup Your username is fitting.

TooTrueToBeGood · 28/04/2020 18:52

You weren't being unreasonable but ask yourself what the point was. Trying to tell fuckwits not to be fuckwits is an exercise in futility. You won't change them and most of the time you'll end up in an argument.

ViciousJackdaw · 28/04/2020 19:03

@RyanBergarasTeeth A similar thing happened to me - two women chatting, unattended pram rolled into path of oncoming bus, I legged it up and grabbed the pram only to get 'What the fuck are you doing?' shouted at me. I am not ashamed to say I called her every cunt under the sun.

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