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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP dragging his heels over house

37 replies

Wiggles28 · 28/04/2020 13:46

DP owns a house with his ex. They broke up years ago but it was convenient for him to live there alone for a while.

They managed to sell it earlier this year. He currently lives with me, as old house is quite far away. He currently pays a low amount towards bills on the condition that when the house sale goes through this will increase. Prior to this I had a lodger.

In the current climate I expected him to be pushing the sale through ASAP. Buyers have had mortgage offer etc so no reason why they can’t exchange. Except DP is being so slow to send back paperwork. He needs to respond to easy enquiries and just is dragging his heels over it saying he doesn’t have time to reply. We’re both WFH currently he is downstairs watching tv on his lunch break!

I’m really pissed off because I’m losing out on income. If the sale doesn’t complete it will be so hard to find a buyer and that means we can’t move on with our lives as he’s tied to his ex. They stand to make a fair whack on the house at the current agreed price and I doubt they’ll be in this position again for a while if it doesn’t happen.

He thinks I’m being too pushy nagging him to respond to his solicitor. All he needs to do is send 1 email! AIBU?

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 28/04/2020 13:53

I'd be more concerned about the reasons why he's dragging his heels. Perhaps this relationship isn't as strong as you had hoped.

LouiseTrees · 28/04/2020 13:57

Ask him for his phone with email signed in . Ask him the query. Reply to the enquiry based on what he said and click send.

Original poster

Wiggles28 · 28/04/2020 13:59

We both went through the enquiries last night he needs to reply no to all. There is a piece of paperwork missing which his solicitor needs to find. I’ve been very patient so far including helping him empty the house but now I’m rapidly losing it.

OP posts:

Lockheart · 28/04/2020 14:01

No, @LouiseTrees, she shouldn't be emailing his solicitor on his behalf, don't be ridiculous.

In all honesty OP it's none of your business. You're not married to him, the house sale is nothing to do with you. What is your business is the arrangement you have with him regarding the portion of bills he pays. If it's no longer enough, ask him for more.

Pika09 · 28/04/2020 14:06

A lot of buyers, especially first time buyers, are getting cold feet due to the current situation. I wouldn't be surprised if they either pull out or try to reduce the offer.

EatsShootsAndRuns · 28/04/2020 14:07

You would think that his ex would want that final link to be severed too, especially as they're going to make a fair whack on the house!

Original poster

Wiggles28 · 28/04/2020 14:09

His ex doesn’t want that link to be severed. That’s another story.

OP posts:

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 28/04/2020 14:09

Perhaps he likes paying a small amount towards bills.

Original poster

Wiggles28 · 28/04/2020 14:10

Well he’s paying his mortgage and bills on his old house so not like he just has the cash to spend.

OP posts:

SunflowerSeedsForever · 28/04/2020 14:11

Our council isn't doing searches- so it may be beyond this control. Things have finally got moving this week but still waiting for them.

Original poster

Wiggles28 · 28/04/2020 14:12

Everything is ready. Searches, survey, mortgage offer all back. Only three enquiries to be answered then it can go to exchange. He has the contract to sign.

OP posts:

EatsShootsAndRuns · 28/04/2020 14:12

Ah. So he's trying to keep her happy? Why?
I would demand that he pays a proper share of bills in that case!

My DH tried tiptoeing around his ex to my detriment and my badly hurt feelings until I pointed out that if he wanted another ex he was going the right way about it!

Original poster

Wiggles28 · 28/04/2020 14:14

Long story but she wanted to get him back although he was very firm with her that wasn’t going to happen. She still needs to empty her share of possessions from the house.

OP posts:

Lockheart · 28/04/2020 14:16

I understand it's frustrating, but it's really nothing to do with you. The sale is between him and his ex, and their buyer. If they're happy with how long it's taking then that's all there is to it.

If you're making life difficult for yourself in order to make his life easier, then stop it. Stop being generous with the bills to your own detriment. Tell him you can no longer afford to split them like that and he'll have to contribute more.

hellsbellsmelons · 28/04/2020 14:21

He currently pays a low amount towards bills on the condition that when the house sale goes through this will increase
Ultimatum time I'm afraid.
He either sorts out the house sale and fast, or he can go back to that house.
Or... he pays a proper share of living in your property.
I would not be subisiding his living when he could have a load of money from a house sale and he's dragging is heels!
Fuck that OP.
Stop letting him take the piss!

Original poster

Wiggles28 · 28/04/2020 14:22

Ok I’ve just asked him if we can talk later and I’ll say that I need him to pay more from next month. I’ll also point out that this potentially is going to mess up our future plans (we want to move away next year) if he doesn’t sell.

OP posts:

TimeIhadaNameChange · 28/04/2020 14:23

I'd tell him that he needs to stay payi g his share of your bills from next month. That you hadn't budgeted for him paying so little for so long, and that he doesn't he'll have to move out as soon as lockdown is over so you can move a lodger in.

EvilPea · 28/04/2020 14:23

Not your circus.
Yes it’s frustrating, yes it’s annoying. But leave him to it, he’s a grown up. He knows the virus could cause issues if this falls through. But it’s not your house, stop nagging him.

Original poster

Wiggles28 · 28/04/2020 14:23

There’s so much money tied up in the house. I just don’t understand why he Is so blasé about it.

OP posts:

TimeIhadaNameChange · 28/04/2020 14:23

Sorry, cross post!

hellsbellsmelons · 28/04/2020 14:27

But it’s not your house, stop nagging him
But he is in HER house and she is funding that and losing money herself.
Why should she do that?
OP is getting nothing out of this so far other than losing money to this guy who can't write one fucking email!!!!

He's blase OP because he's in no rush while you are subbing all this!!
Time to stop.
He can move out and you get yourself another lodger.

ajs88 · 28/04/2020 14:30

He should be paying a fair amount to live in your home regardless of other commitments or property. You should not be left out of pocket.

AlwaysCheddar · 28/04/2020 14:30

He’s a cock lodger.

Guiltypleasures001 · 28/04/2020 14:31

He doesn't need to do anything quick he's on to a good thing living on the cheap with you op sorry

timeisnotaline · 28/04/2020 14:33

Glad you’ve decided to have the talk op. Pay a proper contribution or move back there as you don’t seem keen to finalise the deal and I’m subsiding you living here while you wander around not bothering to get back to them. It will fall through at this rate.

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