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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think WTAF?

53 replies

Northernsoulgirl45 · 27/04/2020 02:44

So dh is in the shielding category. I still have to go out for groceries etc so we are supposed to practice social distancing at home.
In all honesty we are not totally following it as I am still preparing his meals and fetching drinks etc as he can't carry stuff. But being very careful.
Anyway obviously all the kids personal care falls to me. 2 have additional needs plus housework etc etc so at weekends I am super busy and he can relax as his condition prevents him from doing much.
Anyway the wtaf moment came when I received a booty call text.
Obviously I know we cant carry on like this so looking at options for home delivery etc
but tbh this feels wrong on two levels.
One why the hell would you risk you health for sex.
Plus if you are too ill to help at all around the house than surely you are too ill for sex.
By hellp around the house I medn naybe washing up a few places or clearing up your mess.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/04/2020 03:02

He supposedly can't help with anything but he wants sex on demand? He's taking the piss. Tell him you're not some skivvy and he can get off his arse and do his part.

bettybattenburg · 27/04/2020 03:03

What Aqua said. He can't reasonably expect it.

Gingerkittykat · 27/04/2020 03:43

Did he work or help in the home before lockdown?

It is impossible to stay a good distance from someone in an average house, does he have his own room and bathroom?

He needs to re-evaluate his priorities. If he can risk having sex then he can risk caring for his kids.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/04/2020 03:43

Definitely unreasonable of him! Idiot man.

stringoflights · 27/04/2020 03:55

Maybe he was just having a bit of fun with you....a bit of banter.
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate and possibly he was trying to lighten the mood.
Maybe.......?

Sparklfairy · 27/04/2020 03:56

Ugh. I've got an image of him languishing in bed, 'yeah, take this plate downstairs and wash it up would ya, and when you're done, come back and service me' [anger]

Isadora2007 · 27/04/2020 04:04

I don’t see how you can socially distance in the same household for anything longer than a week or so (eg if someone was actively unwell). To be fair on him doing housework or stuff would surely entail being in areas “contaminated” by you or the children? Surely arranging your deliveries and then just not distancing from him so you can have a hand with the kids and house and you can both have sex would be the better option? I’m not sure why you’ve not arranged deliveries etc if he needs to shield tbh- it’s been a while.

Isadora2007 · 27/04/2020 04:05

And what’s his condition anyway? How is it different now than before lockdown? Did you just get more help from other people?

PhilCornwall1 · 27/04/2020 04:05

I'm in the shielding category and if you live in a normal house, it's bloody impossible to do what they lay out in the letter, so I'm not doing it.

Whilst we don't have to in a sense "look after" our boys, they are 13 and 18 and do their own thing, they still need to be fed, clothes washed, house cleaned, gardens dealt with and my wife is not doing any of that on her own. Plus we are both working from home. The other falls into place naturally as we sleep together.

If he is doing sod all else because he's shielding but still expects a quickie, he's taking the piss. Tell him to sort himself out, but makes sure he cleans up after himself!!

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 27/04/2020 04:25

We are sleeping in different rooms. Well clearly I am not sleeping right now and use a different bathroom.
It is a tough call as we have been unable to get a delivery slot and it feels wrong asking others for help when I can still physically shop and collect prescriptions etc.
Tbf he hasn't been hands on for a while due to his condition but since lockdown it has got much worse.

OP posts:
PhilCornwall1 · 27/04/2020 04:33

I may as well be sleeping in a different room, 3am every morning I'm up for painkillers. Mind you, my wife gets coffee in bed, so she doesn't mind Wink

mathanxiety · 27/04/2020 05:53

Tell him nothing turns you off more than cleaning up someone else's mess.

Makinganewthinghappen · 27/04/2020 05:55

It really depends on what his condition is and how much he really is unable to help vs unwilling.

Possibly he was trying to lighten the mood /cheer you up with the text?

disorganisedsecretsquirrel · 27/04/2020 06:04

Did he get a letter op ?

I am presuming he has or he wouldn't need to be shielding.

In the letter is the website contact for registering for priority shopping spots.

You will then get emails from the supermarket telling you you now have priority spots. Your email is the key. Log in to the supermarkets after receiving confirmation and pick your delivery spot.

He can then crack on with you - helping HIS family.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 27/04/2020 06:41

Fuck that, if he is physically able to have sex then he is able to do something to help around the house.

DysonFury · 27/04/2020 06:52

Tell him you do everything else already so you've already had a wank.

CoronaMoaner · 27/04/2020 07:19

@dysonfury 😂

Bluetrews25 · 27/04/2020 07:37

If you're well enough to go out, you're well enough for school, as DMum used to say.
If he's well enough for a shag, he's well enough to DO something around the house. Or is he just expecting to lie there and let you do all the work in the bedroom, too?

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 27/04/2020 07:41

I'm sorry but if youre too ill to wash a plate up then surely you are too ill to have sex? He's taking the piss majorly- so you're supposed to run around after him, cleaning up after him, with everything on your shoulders and go in to "service his needs" whenever he wants it?
lol, the air would've been blue if that was my H and not in a sexy way.

PatchworkElmer · 27/04/2020 07:41

Maybe you’d be more open to the idea of sexy if you weren’t doing everything else around the house, alone. YANBU.

PatchworkElmer · 27/04/2020 07:41

^ sex, not sexy 🙄

FreakStar · 27/04/2020 07:53

Sorry, you got a 'booty call' ? Never heard of that- he texts you when he wants sex? Really?How does everyone else on here seem to know what you were on about? Is it normal?

Hugsgalore · 27/04/2020 08:05

@freakstar I do it sometimes to my DH when he stays up later than me. I'll just text him "sex?" And wait for the footsteps...

MrsJBaptiste · 27/04/2020 08:39

I'm in the shielding group but there's no way we can stick to the rules you are.

DH is still going out to work and the supermarket so seeing other people there.
We don't have two bathrooms so have to share there.
We don't have a spare bedroom so still share a bed.

For some people, it is totally impossible to social distance in your own home! So yes, we're still having sex although not that often at the moment

And we sometimes do the booty call texts 😁

bestoption · 27/04/2020 08:42

I'm getting a friends grocery shopping with mine (as well as an elderly relatives) despite the fact that he's still working (he's doing pretty well Social distancing at work) because she's got some underlyings (so do I, but I'm luckily getting deliveries at the moment - just regular ones, not special ones). If I had a friend in your position I'd be happy to do it so the whole family could 'shield' together. Maybe your friends would be happy to help out.

No idea what DH's general attitude is like or his tone in the text, so hard to say. But given you're sleeping separately, using separate bathrooms & all the other stuff - having sex before you've quarantined for 14 days seems particularly stupid to me. Putting his sexual pleasure before his health really makes me question just how 'vulnerable' he really is and just how fucking thick!

...and I say that as someone locked down separately to my OH.

LOL IF YOU are in the mood (probably doubtful, what with being run ragged!) there's always FaceTime...

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