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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My mum has an excuse for everything!

66 replies

summerrose11 · 26/04/2020 23:06

Aibu to be raging. My mum literally has an excuse for everything. I say black she says white.
I mentioned today that my BIL is flouting the isolation rules and going for a bike ride today with one of his mates. My mums excuse ah well if they keep 2m away from each other then that's fine. I'd like to think she was joking, she wasn't.
Just now seen on fb family friends, that happens to be one of my mums good friends is having a small gathering with alcohol. Video was posted of doing some stupid challenge. Family from different households there, other people I didn't know where there. I mention to my mum again. Doesn't acknowledge the gathering and comments on the MH of one person there and excuses her to say she can't help her MH. Wtf
This is not the only time she will excuse though. If my abusive ex has done something I'll ask for advice or an opinion. She knows he's abusive but always has an excuse for him even though she hates him.
She had an excuse when we thought my sister had coronavirus but just popped to my mums house for the morning but didn't tell our mum she had a fever and felt ill. She excused that too.
Aibu to be enraged. I've had enough of her pathetic excuses.

OP posts:

ChipotleBlessing · 26/04/2020 23:08

Actually I think technically she is right. The rules say no gatherings of more than two people unless members of the same household. So two people meeting for exercise and maintaining social distancing is within the rules.

ChipotleBlessing · 26/04/2020 23:09

On that first one. Obviously the rest is different.

GreenTulips · 26/04/2020 23:10

I think this about her mums attitude, rather than the bike ride!

I’d be annoyed as well!

AnPo · 26/04/2020 23:18

You know what she's like so all you can do is make your peace with that or just stop asking for her opinion/advice. You can't change people and at this stage she's most likely not going to change.

YANBU to find it annoying by the way but there's little use getting stressed about it as it does you no good.

Paintedmaypole · 26/04/2020 23:19

YABU to be enraged. It is irritating that she is making excuses for people but perhaps she doesn't enjoy sitting criticising people with you. The people ignoring the lockdown are irresponsible but it isn't really your Mum's job to police them

ALovelyBitOfSquirrel · 26/04/2020 23:23

I know what you mean op.

A family member, always on the other persons side, might be a person they've never even bloody met compared to a friend or family member but they'll always defend or excuse the random person. I've started to do the same to them when they moan about someone else. They don't like it at all

BilboBercow · 26/04/2020 23:28

It sounds like maybe she doesn't like to bitch about people, even if they're in the wrong.

Original poster

summerrose11 · 26/04/2020 23:46

bilbo you are mistaken she loves it and gossip. However when I have a valid reason to say something about someone she will make an excuse for that person. Even though it's clear they are going against what other people would say isn't right.

OP posts:

Original poster

summerrose11 · 26/04/2020 23:46

Yes squirrell it's extremely frustrating

OP posts:

PotholeParadise · 27/04/2020 00:41

If your mother has always disagreed with you for the sake of it, she's not going to change now.

The only thing you can do is train yourself to avoid giving her an excuse to tell you that you're wrong. It'll be better for your blood pressure in the long run.

squishedgrapes · 27/04/2020 00:44

I actually think women become this way as a result of social conditioning. So her opinion is never listened to, so the best way she has found to not be confrontational is just to remain neutral.

longtimecomin · 27/04/2020 01:13

Maybe your mum is a forgiving person and you aren't. There's often a story or reason why people bend rules and appearances can be deceiving. I think you sound bitchy and your mum sounds like she's sick of hearing your negative chat.

Original poster

summerrose11 · 27/04/2020 07:38

@longtimecomin yea I am negative when people break rules that are in place to protect us from catching a killer virus! I can't see a logical reason to have people over for a small party tbh. I know these people they don't care.
Even when my ex was abusive to me she actually said "are you sure you're not making it up"
I just don't get why she will never say you know what you're right that is a bit rubbish

OP posts:

Contactlenses123 · 27/04/2020 07:40

I mean, if they are 2 meters apart what is the actual problem?

HowFurloughCanYouGo · 27/04/2020 07:43

I also think that if the government had given us a bit of an idea on how they plan to do things, then people wouldn't be sacking this off and seeing their friends.

We did the three weeks and we haven't heard anything concrete since.

I don't blame people for losing faith and stepping out a bit.

EdwinaMay · 27/04/2020 07:46

What was your childhood like that you ended up with an abusive DH.
It's not really about who is right or wrong it is her attitude to you. She dismisses what you say, argues the point. This stems from the past and she doesn't sound the type to change easily. I wouldn't have these conversations with her.
If you stop conversing with her and just do yeah, no to what she ways she will perhaps notice and, when you point out the problem, try to change or she will continue to treat you as someone she has to correct/sort out. You need to stop trying. Did she justify some things in your childhood that she shouldn't have?

Original poster

summerrose11 · 27/04/2020 07:50

They announced another 3 weeks of lockdown what is hard to understand about that. Yea it's hard and in struggling and I want to see my family but I don't because I don't want to catch the virus or pass it on. I'm not selfish.
The numbers aren't down enough that's why we went into an extended lockdown because people still aren't listening to stay at home.

OP posts:

Ragwort · 27/04/2020 07:50

Do you live with your DM?

Just stop engaging with her or discussing everything and everyone in such minute detail. Your lives sound over involved, just smile and nod ... and change the subject.

dontdisturbmenow · 27/04/2020 07:52

If you are the type to constantly look for faults in others and criticizing, she might do it to try to pass the message that she is tired of it.

I have a work colleague like this. Other people are always doing things wrong and she is always looking for approval from others that indeed their behaviour is appalling when most don't really care. I find myself defending people I don't think need defending just because I'm tired of the constant criticism.

HowFurloughCanYouGo · 27/04/2020 07:56

They announced another 3 weeks of lockdown what is hard to understand about that.
Who did?
When?

HowFurloughCanYouGo · 27/04/2020 07:59

The point is, there's no end in sight because they haven't given us any kind of plan of action.

Even if they gave us a couple of 'maybe' ideas, so we had some kind of idea of getting out of it.

ThanosSavedMe · 27/04/2020 08:00

You know what your mum is like. You can’t change her, she will never change. All you can do is control what you tell her

Don’t get into those kind of discussions with her, she won’t ever agree with you for whatever reason and you will just keep on getting angry and frustrated

TheSkyWasDark · 27/04/2020 08:03

Honestly l, it sounds like she wants you to stop moaning about what other people are doing.

It's outwith your control and hers so why moan?

I like a lockdown moan myself but many don't so I restrict myself to moaning with fellow moaners.

CelestialSpanking · 27/04/2020 08:09

I get that it must be annoying but for your own sake you need to chill out and try not to be so angry about it all.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/04/2020 08:13

@ChipotleBlessing
No, it’s two or more. Not more than two. Ie no meetings with people outside your family. This was clarified weeks ago. 🤦‍♀️

YANBU op. My friend came to drop something off for me a few days ago. We stood well away from one another and chatted outside for a little while. I wouldn’t have gone anywhere together. We would probably have ended up too close to one another. Cycling together or drinking together is not going to end well.

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