AIBU to think Nursery have treated us appallingly over Coronavirus?

[Rosiebrown1]

2 year old very happy in nursery for 18 months. Always pay on time and very laid back and supportive to business.
Slight issues with her being allowed to sleep for 2 and a half hours per day. I work long hours, am alone and find LO wired when I get home. Have communicated this over and over and it goes nowhere. She doesn’t sleep in the day with me.
A few days before lockdown announced, call from nursery that LO has developed high temperature. I leave work to collect. On way home received another call to say she is banned for two weeks because LO ‘has suspected Coronavirus.’
Collect her and am given bin bag of clothes etc and told to ‘burn’ or ‘boil wash.’ Cried at that point.
After ten minutes at home, LO vomits. Very quickly recovers normal temperature and eats and drinks as normal and is back to usual self within 2 hours. Obviously I checked hourly obs through the night.
Next day all completely normal as evening before..
Next morning I call Coronavirus hotline and GP to report and was informed this could not be Coronavirus as no other symptoms as LO recovered so quickly. Advised we don’t need to self isolate other than respecting nursery rule of abstaining for 72 hours after vomiting.
Informed nursery three times and asked when LO could return. No response. Called and they didn’t answer my calls although always do normally.
Eventually messaged them again to say I was disappointed and my GP had offered to speak with them to advise LO was not a risk. No response.
Eventually I messaged again and repeated I was disappointed and wanted to give notice.
I was so upset. Nursery replied immediately and said ‘sorry you feel disappointed, notice acknowledged and good luck for the future.’
On top of this, nursery owner and husband live in the same village as us.
Since this situation has occurred, nursery owner’s husband has been driving past us (LO in buggy and myself) whilst we are out on walks shouting filthy, loud and sexual insults. LO even said ‘ Mummy, why that shouting’?
It’s usually stuff like ‘MILF’ but he shouts the four words independently, particularly shouting the last word very loud. I think it’s done to intimidate me.
Should I just try to ignore? X

Record him if you can; always have your phone ready to go.

And report him to the police.

Coronavirus is a total red herring here OP so set that aside for now. The priority is the fact this man has harassed you and that harassment included sexual comments. Ugh.

Just so awful, I'm really sorry this has happened. You need to report this, it's absolutely police business.

Wow that post veered wildly to the left! Jfc I thought this would be about fees.

Absolutely I would report to the police, it's sexual harassment and intimidation. Keep a record of where/when it happens and what was said. Plus tell everyone you know in the village, what a nasty bastard.

What an arse!, for gods sakes report that to the police rightaway!

Ah for the good old days, if he had done that to my mum my dad, as did happen from time to time, would have called round to "sort it" and sorted he would have been!

Come to that if he'd said that to my wife or partner then their would have been "consequnces" for this!

Don't delay phone old bill in the morning!

The nursery behaved appallingly in their dismissive attitude of you. The husband needs dealt with by the police. What awful people!

Report to OFSTED and police. His behavior is unacceptable.

I don't understand those telling OP to report the Nursery owners husband to Ofsted. His behaviour is appalling, but it has not taken place on the Nursery site, he is not employed by the Nursery as far as we know and his comments (while disgusting) do not reference anything to do with the Nursery, which OP's child no longer even attends. There is no evidence whatsoever that OP's dispute with the Nursery is what's motivating his vile behaviour, it might well be but there's no way to prove it! If OP is being harassed she needs to report it to the Police.

I think Ofsted should be made aware of the owner's behaviour. I say this as someone who used to own a nursery. You should be a fit and proper person to be entrusted with the care of young children.

They were wrong to ignore your calls as well.

I think in some ways you have had a lucky escape.

Lucky escape as in taking your child out of the nursery.

Definitely contact the police but consider reporting to Ofsted too.

As others have said OP, there are two issues here.

Firstly, the husband's disgusting behaviour. Call the police today and report. If it happens again, try and surreptitiously record it.

IF the husband works for the nursery, then you should also report to Ofsted. If the husband has nothing to do with the nursery and just happens to be married to the owner, then if you report to Ofsted you should be clear that this behaviour began after you advised the nursery you would no longer be requiring their services. It seems odd to me that this began after you withdrew your DD. I think it's highly likely that the nursery owner has told her husband what happened, and his behaviour is as a result of this.

Second issue is with the nursery. They were right not to accept your DD back without a negative test result for Covid-19. However, they shouldn't have ignored your messages and have behaved in an unprofessional manner. A lucky escape.

The husband's abuse of you and your DD is the real issue here. When you report to the police explain you withdrew your DD from the nursery, and now the owner's husband is making sexual comments about you whe he sees you and your DD. No need to get into the ways and wherefores of the Covid-19 stuff.

They were not being unreasonable in the first instance. That is the ACTUAL rules at the moment. If a child has any temp or persistent cough they must stay off.

The shouting thing tho is completely and utterly unreasonable and I would question their ability to run this kind of business if they have an attitude like that. Not that it excuses his behaviour but I'm guessing there was more to the emails back and forth about notice period tho? Was there an argument when you wanted your child to go back? Did u say anything you maybe shouldn't have? I'm just reading between the lines

I don’t blame them for not wanting your Dd in for 2 weeks. It is official guidelines to isolate if you have a fever and/or a cough. DS was poorly a few weeks ago with a mild fever and very tired. I’m sure it wasn’t covid as no one else has got it but we isolated anyway.

But yeah the d**khead needs reporting. Terrible behaviour from people especially as own the local nursery. I would let people know how they’ve been behaving. Imagine if a teacher did this? They would be sacked. No different for a nursery worker.

Should I just try to ignore?

Um no. Be prepared when you are out - record it when it happens and go to the police. Don't 'warn' them that's what you'll do, just do it.

Report to ofsted, as his behaviour is directly related to the nursery incident and shows concerns about the way that the nursery is run by the owner if she is sharing information with him. (I work in an adjacent area)Also police for his actions but unlike the pp I would mention that you have had issues with the nursery as if you don't and the police follow up the nursery will tell them and it will undermine what you are saying. Try and record him and get his reg no. And no, don't warn him.

Thank you Mumsnet members for taking the time to help.
All of your views are massively appreciated and has given me the ability to see things rationally.
Although children often have funny tummies and raised temps, I understand the government’s advice and no doubt many parents were in a similar position in terms of a nursery or school exclusion.
I guess the call from nursery to collect and then the exclusion from nursery was a bit of a final straw for me at that point.
DD has picked up so many viruses during nursery time (I realise this is apparently normal) but she once picked up 11 viruses, one after the other poor thing).. I in turn was ill, trying to arrange childcare whilst struggling to go to work plus time off work. DD developed a temporary heart murmur. I eventually was hospitalised with exhaustion.
She has been excluded 6 times for suspected C.Pox. Each time it was diagnosed by GP as a viral rash but no let up from nursery. It’s tough trying to spin lots of plates on your own. I was upset about the Covid exclusion.
Although it was just another few hundred pounds in the thousands of wasted nursery fees for me and more time begging my employer to be reasonable about time off again.
I would take DD back to nursery after exclusion periods and hear parents handing over children saying DD or DS wasn’t well... I thought ‘WTF’ here we go again.
I understand nursery position though.
I didn’t send inflammatory messages to nursery. Just updates on her recovery and confirmation on a return date. Never a response only a posting to all parents on our App saying, ‘ we have had a suspected case of Coronavirus. Please do not send your child to nursery unless absolutely necessary. We are willing to risk our lives catching this dreadful disease and take it home to give to our loved ones.’ Another WTF.
On a separate note, nursery owner’s husband doesn’t work for the business (thankfully).
I am armed with my phone on video record during any exercise we take just in case. I intend to be able to prove his behaviour so that it’s not a case of ‘she said..he said’..
What kind of man would do that knowing that the victim was a very recent customer of his wife’s business? Maybe she is unaware. Maybe not. I am not sure but I feel it’s not unreasonable to expect to do a buggy walk with my DD without intimidation that also effects her too.
Sorry I didn’t give this info the first time but it felt too much to write.
Everyone has a reason (or reasons) they are where they are now.
Thanks again xx

Well you are certainly better off away from the nursery. The next step is recording and reporting the bastard then hopefully you can just forget about the whole dreadful time.

Take care 😊

Hope you get a video and the vile man gets charged.