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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Selfish H

34 replies

DollyDaph10 · 26/04/2020 19:37

My H has just admitted that after a whole weekend of telling me he is working tomorrow, he is actually meeting friends from work to go and play golf on a golf course near their work (golf course workers won’t be in but course is open). I’m 16 weeks pregnant and so in the more vulnerable category. I am so upset by this, as not only does it flout the lockdown rules to not meet up with people from other households unless for essential reasons ie work, but I feel like he isn’t listening to my fears about getting ill whilst pregnant. I have asthma too and chest infections take me a long time to recover from. The omission of information is so upsetting as in my eyes omission is lying. We live in a flat so I’m considering just isolating bump and I in the main bedroom with en-suite but I’m angry at the selfishness. I’m wfh to keep risks to baby and I low. Thanks all for reading and please be kind, I’m feeling a bit emotional right now.

OP posts:

BastardGoDarkly · 26/04/2020 19:39

Yes, hes a selfish twat. And a liar to boot.

Why is a round of golf so important that he'd lie and put you and the baby at risk?

CareBear50 · 26/04/2020 19:41

How utterly selfish he is

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 26/04/2020 19:41

I would feel the same as you. Lying by omission is still lying, and he is putting you at risk if he catches anything.
But he is probably feeling it is safe, out of doors, easy to keep a good distance from his other golfers. Does he see any risk?

Curiosity101 · 26/04/2020 19:55

If it were my husband I'd ask him why he lied to me in the first place, I'd be incredibly angry about that because he'll have known that this lie could've put you and the baby in harms way.

As for the golf trip with his buddies... I don't know, I mean in terms of risk to you it's probably arguably less risky than him going on a trip to the supermarket. But flouting the rules when you've got a pregnant wife at home really isn't ok to me. I mean flouting the rules isn't ok anyway... but it feels especially distasteful if you're coming home to someone who is classed as vulnerable. Imagine if everyone did what he's planning? The virus graphs already show that it's not slowing as much as expected. Perhaps if more people were following the guidance that wouldn't be the case.

Based on everything you've said I don't know what I'd do in your shoes. But I'd be incredibly angry and he is being very selfish. Not just towards you but towards everyone else.

Maybe ask him how he'd feel if he passed the virus onto you? Don't let him deflect if he tried the whole 'Well I won't'. Just persist 'But what if you do, if you were to lose me or the baby would your golf game have been worth it?'

BastardGoDarkly · 26/04/2020 19:56

Crazy thats not lying by omission. He lied, hes been saying all weekend hes going to work, hes not.

Toilenstripes · 26/04/2020 19:56

I’d call the police and let them know where the golf course is.

Sexnotgender · 26/04/2020 19:57

I’m amazed golf courses are open?

He’s a selfish twat.

ChateauMyself · 26/04/2020 20:06

Are you sure the course is open?

The courses around here are shut. Greens and fairways are expensive to maintain and I can’t imagine the clubs want to advertise that anyone can just walk on.

Sexnotgender · 26/04/2020 20:08

Indeed Chateau, all the courses near me are closed.

Windyatthebeach · 26/04/2020 20:09

Since his mates are so important he can go and stay there until lockdown is over can't he?
And golf courses are supposed to be closed.

tiredanddangerous · 26/04/2020 20:14

Massively selfish twat. Tell him if he goes to play golf he won’t be coming back home again, and stick to it.

Chloemol · 26/04/2020 20:22

I would be packing him a bag and telling him to go stay with his friends until lockdown is completely lifted

Windyatthebeach · 26/04/2020 20:22

Maybe he isn't actually meeting friends...

Prisonbreak · 26/04/2020 20:24

He lied because he knows it’s wrong and selfish

pussycatinboots · 26/04/2020 20:30

Contact the Police with details of the time/location/rough idea of how many DH (Dick Heads) will be there.
You can't do more than that.

MulticolourMophead · 26/04/2020 20:34

Maybe he isn't actually meeting friends...

I did wonder that too. The courses near me are all closed.

msmith501 · 26/04/2020 20:49

I understand that all golf courses are shit to discourage meeting friends - I suspect that your DP and his mates are illicitly meeting up to play on a closed golf course. There are no golf courses which are open but all the staff are absent. That's not how golf courses operate. There's always one person trying to circumvent simple rules. There's always a village missing an idiot.

msmith501 · 26/04/2020 20:50

And of course he knows it's wrong.... that's why your opening line states that he's been lying about it all weekend.

CaptainBlunderpants · 26/04/2020 20:56

The courses near me are also closed.

steff13 · 26/04/2020 20:57

Is he still working? If he's going to work, I don't know that playing a round of golf with coworkers is any more of a risk. But, I'm questioning whether that's what he's actually doing.

RuggerHug · 26/04/2020 20:58

Tell him he's moving in with his 'mates' if he goes out to do this. Honestly, I'd spell it out that he wouldn't get back into the house. Selfish twat.

CalleighDoodle · 26/04/2020 20:59

Oh dear op. You've just discovered your dh is a liar. Thats hard. You cannot believe him now.

billy1966 · 26/04/2020 21:00

Well, well OP, you are getting the real him at 16 weeks.

I strongly suggest you believe him...because he has shown you an example of exactly who he is.

Did he want a baby?
Hardly!
Who would put a mother and baby at risk like that.

Are you sure this is all wise OP.

Have a good hard think about the future you are signing up to...

Liars are not a prize.

Rottnest · 26/04/2020 21:09

Are you going to phone the golf course to check the greens are open. As far as I am concerned level 3 lockdown, golf course, gym, pool etc, they are all closed.

You already know he has been lying to you.

CoronaMoaner · 26/04/2020 21:12

The golf course near us is open for walkers as we don’t have a great deal of green spaces and they gave in to pressure from the local community. I’m pretty sure if they were spotted playing golf on it someone would report them.
Such a shame he thinks this is ok. How did you find out OP?

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