Selfish H

[DollyDaph10]

My H has just admitted that after a whole weekend of telling me he is working tomorrow, he is actually meeting friends from work to go and play golf on a golf course near their work (golf course workers won’t be in but course is open). I’m 16 weeks pregnant and so in the more vulnerable category. I am so upset by this, as not only does it flout the lockdown rules to not meet up with people from other households unless for essential reasons ie work, but I feel like he isn’t listening to my fears about getting ill whilst pregnant. I have asthma too and chest infections take me a long time to recover from. The omission of information is so upsetting as in my eyes omission is lying. We live in a flat so I’m considering just isolating bump and I in the main bedroom with en-suite but I’m angry at the selfishness. I’m wfh to keep risks to baby and I low. Thanks all for reading and please be kind, I’m feeling a bit emotional right now.

Yes, he’s still working and works directly with the colleague he is meeting tomorrow. He will usually call or send a picture when at golf so I don’t doubt that is who he is meeting. They work for a private company that amongst other things owns its own golf course and they have been told by their boss they can play if they take their own clubs etc (I still think it’s ignorant they intend to go and that they’ve been green lighted when people all across the country are sacrificing so much). I just had a long talk with him about it all. He apologised for lying and said he won’t do anything to put the baby at risk, will distance etc but I’m not happy and have booted him into the spare room for the night. I’ve told him he is staying in there and using the spare bathroom if he can’t abide social distancing rules. He said he didn’t tell me until now as he didn’t want to ‘ruin the weekend’ by upsetting me. BS. He didn’t wanna give me time to hammer home a few home truths. I do agree with the poster that said it’s likely safer than supermarket shopping, but as it’s not essential it smacks of selfishness and I’ve told him so. I’m sure many people have things they would love to have gone out and done this weekend, but have followed the rules. He has said he is going stir crazy, but aren’t we all. Anyways bump and I are gonna settle down to a box set tonight in nice comfy big bed whilst H sleeps next door with his golf clubs. Thanks all for the advice!

If he works directly with this colleague (physically) then I'm not sure a round of golf puts him at any more risk....?

Liars are a deal breaker for me. Selfish lying is an unstable foundation to build a house on IMO. Then you have doubts about many things. I'm probably less forgiving than most people but if you lie to me once, I'd never full trust you again. Did he say why he lied.... how good was his excuse?

Maybe ask him to isolate at a friends for two weeks after he’s played golf so you get the flat to yourself!

I’m 31 weeks pregnant & DH went for a dog walk with our neighbor today. He says they socially distanced but I doubt it, he’s a chatter & probably forgot. I’m not really that botherd tbh as there’s risks in everything we do now, feel going for my pregnancy bloods at the hospital far more risky tomorrow for instance.
Do something nice for yourself tomorrow & leave him to it OP. Emotions are high anyway at mo & I’m with you as it’s hard being pregnant too at this time, take care

If he is playing with colleagues who he works with every day at the moment then i dont see a problem. Its very easy to be 2m apart and golfers wear gloves.

That's true actually. Theres less risk surely, on a golf course than in the office, with the same people?

Thanks all! Totally agree the pregnancy hospital visits feel riskier, hope your blood tests go ok :)
As for lying, also agree! It’s that part which is seriously irritated me. We just spoke about it more and he said he was waiting for me to be in a good mood before telling me (background: we’ve had a few arguments about him wearing a mask food shopping etc) and having been stuck in the house other than him going to work the tension is running a bit high here! He’s agreed he will tell me in advance next time, he was worried about my response and is desperate to get out and do something other than work. I’ve reminded him I’m not his mum or gatekeeper am just an anxious first time pregnant person and trying to stick to rules :)

Ah - so it was YOUR fault he lied! YOU had to be in a good mood before he told the truth.
I hope you have learned for next time @DollyDaph10. Always be smiley, happy and you will deserve the truth. If not, he will be a lying selfish arse because of YOU.