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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To end this friendship

28 replies

Emotemebaby · 26/04/2020 16:36

Realising it’s time to end the friendship

So I’ve (f36) been “friends” with this person (f32) for around 5 years now. Over the years we have become close enough for her to refer to us as “besties” which always made me cringe cause I’m not in school anymore but that’s by the by. Not a big deal.
Anyway, over the years there have been good times, but mostly quite shit times. I’ll describe a couple of incidents below;

  1. the time I needed to go and register my dads death. I was the next of kin (divorced parents) so had to do everything, from arranging the funeral to dealing with the estate. One of the things I had to do obviously was to register the death. Because of the situation surrounding my dads death and that he lived almost 100 miles away, it was all very stressful. I was able to register my dads death at my local registry office but for some reason (I honestly can’t remember why) I was telephoned and told there was an available appointment but needed to be there within the hour and it was a time that would clash with school pick up. She’s always been the kind of person that would say if you need anything just let me know. But on this occasion all I got was abuse. “Wtf op you need to think about other people. People can’t just drop what they’re doing for your whims. You expect everyone to drop everything just for you. You should give people a bit of notice if you need favours” etc.
    Ever since this incident, I’ve not asked for a favour since.

  2. walking to school to pick up the kids and a mutual friend joins us on the way. The mutual friend is known for being a neat freak and this was the topic of discussion. My “friend” then turns round to the mutual friend and says “you really dont want to go into OPs house then it’s disgusting and so untidy. It’s like something off life of grime!”

These two incidents along with A LOT of copying:
Bought the exact same bag that I bought
Same planner
Purchased a lot of pagan/Wiccan paraphernalia and says she’s Wiccan even though she doesn’t practice the craft and only started after we met
Painted her front room the exact shade of grey as mine and then proceeded to try and decorate it so it looked the same
Bought an iPad Pro just because I had one (she actually told me this was the reason)
Same iPhone for the same reason above

But.... if I get something that she doesn’t like, it’s crap, she’s seen reviews that say whatever product it is is t very good and other people have told her that the product isn’t very good

IE the Apple Watch I just bought. She initially wanted to get herself one. But now, due to finances and covid etc she can’t afford one for obvious reasons. But now that I have one, as soon as she saw it she started saying how crap it was.

It’s been a week now of no contact. No messages, no likes/comments on Facebook, nothing.

AIBU here if I just don’t text or make contact anymore and basically just ghost her?!

OP posts:
ellendegeneres · 26/04/2020 16:48

Personally I’d delete her off everything and block her number.

If my friend called me saying Ellen I’ve just been told I have to go register my dads death in an hour could you pick the kids up from school for me please? I’d move heaven and earth to be able to do so because you’re going through enough trauma as it is without this being added on top.

She sounds like a creepy nasty bitch, I’d be avoiding from now on.

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 26/04/2020 16:56

Sounds an absolute peach. Lucky you! I dont imagine for one moment she will go quietly in the long run. Buckle up OP you are in for a bumpy ride

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 26/04/2020 16:59

Agree with @ellendegeneres, she sounds like a creepy, controlling, nasty cow.

Block, delete, move on. You deserve better.

66redballons · 26/04/2020 17:01

Block block block . Don’t look back. She isn’t your friend and you don’t need her spite in your life.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 26/04/2020 17:03

I'd have cut her off after incident number 1! Enjoy your drama free life, OP.

Mary46 · 26/04/2020 17:03

I let that friend go too. Nasty comments too. Do you meet her at school could be tricky avoiding her.

user1493413286 · 26/04/2020 17:06

She sounds like she’s stuck in school to be honest with how immature she is. If you’re the one who always makes contact then fine don’t text her but I don’t really agree with ghosting people by not responding to them even if they do act the way she does as it causes a lot of distress to people. You say there have been good times and you have been friends for 5 years so she can’t be 100% awful. I’d either be upfront and give her a chance to respond (although that risks causing a lot of drama based on how she acts so far) or more gently disengage from the friendship.

Emotemebaby · 26/04/2020 17:12

@Mary46 yes I do. Our Ds's are in the same class and we live on the same street. So it's tricky to try and avoid her. But this lockdown has been great!!
She will sometimes just come to my house unannounced. And because DH doesn't see any issue, he lets her in so I just try and be nice.

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 26/04/2020 17:13

I read up to your two examples and that was enough. She would have been gone after the first tbh. I'm so sorry you lost your dad and you need to lose this woman too. Block her and just move on. She isn't a friend you are losing as she wasn't a friend to start with. You were her entertainment to belittle to make herself feel better. Idiot. Her, not you.

LadyLightning · 26/04/2020 17:14

I agree with the last poster - I ended a relationship with a friend who had become very critical and negative and have always regretted not being more upfront with her about why. I dont expect she will take it well, but I think it is really important that you are brave here - she is behaving like a bully and people like that will keep bullying until you show them you wont take it. Good luck, and hope you can end things quickly.

Toilenstripes · 26/04/2020 17:16

Definitely get rid. She’s not a nice person and having been copied by a relative I know how awful it feels.

SunshineCake · 26/04/2020 17:16

Doesn't matter if your dh sees no issue. You do and he should have your back. Tell him not to let her in, I'm assuming this was before lockdown?!

Mary46 · 26/04/2020 17:19

I agree she doesnt bring anything nice to the friendship move on!! Sorry about your dadx. I let a few people go the past 2 years the friendship was all one way.. her comments were nasty.

monkeymonkey2010 · 26/04/2020 17:19

I just try and be nice.
There's your problem....stop being nice to people who deliberately speak nasty to you and disrespect you.

Windyatthebeach · 26/04/2020 17:23

A had a similar so called friend. Copied my haircut /clothes /home stuff. After I had my dd I rang her in tears as my now exh had raped me the night before..
She told my work colleagues I had pnd.. I found a new job.
And eventually Ltb.
No friend.. Knowing the signs is a good step to Ltb op..
*lose the bitch..

Emotemebaby · 26/04/2020 17:31

@SunshineCake yes this was before lockdown. Don't worry, I'm very strict with all this covid stuff xx

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 26/04/2020 17:50

You don't need to justify your reasons for not staying friends to anyone.
If she's not a good person towards you then just slowly start distancing yourself from her and prioritise yourself.
You don't need that kinda negativity in your life. It's too short.
Might want to remind DP not to keep letting her in though!

Iflyaway · 26/04/2020 18:16

WhyTF are you even hanging out with these people?!

Dump them and work on yourself as to why you want to hang out with people who pull you down,.

Life is too short, really even more so now

You are a human being, you are O.K.and lovely as you come over. Never let others dump their crap on you.
I am angry on your behalf. and want to give you a hug

imsooverthisdrama · 26/04/2020 18:23

So she lives on your street and walks with you to collect the kids so it was no bother for her to collect your dc .
Yeah she's a nasty so and so , had friends like that in her past but not for years . It's awkward with her living so close and dc at same school . I think with the lockdown it will have been a while before you'll see her and when schools open set off 5 minutes earlier to drop off / collect, just phase out eventually she'll get the message and move on .

Emotemebaby · 26/04/2020 19:56

@Iflyaway Thankyou for the virtual hug xx

OP posts:
chatterbugmegastar · 26/04/2020 20:11

Why would you want her in your life? She's vile. Just get rid any way you want. And fast

Emotemebaby · 28/04/2020 17:45

3 missed calls today. I ignored them tbh cause I have no patience atm. My back is killing and fibromyalgia is flaring up today.

OP posts:
BanKittenHeels · 28/04/2020 17:54

Does she get angry if you don’t return contact?

AlwaysCheddar · 28/04/2020 18:21

She’s sounds unhinged, selfish and nasty. Cool it down with her.

Emotemebaby · 29/04/2020 08:24

@BanKittenHeels yes. After the three missed called yesterday she eventually came and knocked at my door.

"Why aren't you answering my calls?! Just checking up to see if your ok as you haven't been answering my calls"

I told her I was working (I work from home) and then she proceeded to hand me a bag of biscuits that her mother in law gave her but she didn't want them all so gave me half.

I should have said something about ending the friendship but I was on my own with the kids (DH had taken the dog for a walk) and I'm worried she will argue and make a scene.

OP posts:
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