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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that dogs know who the boss is in the household?

43 replies

Prontoe · 26/04/2020 13:49

Our little dog only listens to me. Doesn't listen to OH, even though he does most of her caring. But she somehow has appointed me as boss, to be obeyed, but not DH?
It's funny.
My sister lives with my DM and they both got dogs. They swapped owners, with the little rescue dog adopting my sister and my sister her, but my sister's dog which was adopted from other sister's litter and is purebred only responds to DM and sits on her lap etc. The rescue dog (energetic) loves my sister who is young and goes on walks and such. The dog that was supposed to be my sister's doesn't have the energy for her and naturally goes to DM (purebred Yorkie).

They seem to know the power play that is in the house, I'm quite bossy, so it makes sense that ddog would recognise that, but I couldn't pet her or anything as I'm allergic, yet she adores me.

Why do they know who to obey?

OP posts:
user1994 · 26/04/2020 13:51

Yes definitely. Our dogs selectively listen to DH. But do as they're told all the time for me!

Original poster
Prontoe · 26/04/2020 13:52

I do pet our dog, but I have to wash hands and clothes afterwards before I touch eyes or something or they swell up. Our ddog who has appointed me as boss is a jack Russell terrier. All dogs mentioned are female.

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 26/04/2020 13:53

Yes definitely. Our dog listens to me (most of the time), but sees himself as an equal to the teen DC!

Windyatthebeach · 26/04/2020 13:54

Our dpuppy has put 2 paws up at both of us when we said no ddogs allowed in our front room upstairs...

AIBU to think that dogs know who the boss is in the household?
Cheeryandmerry · 26/04/2020 13:55

Mine adores me because I physically rescued him as a puppy from a very very bad situation. And I do all the feeding and almost all the walking. But he’ll only poo for DH Grin. Make of that what you will!

Curiosity101 · 26/04/2020 13:56

I reckon they do too.

The idea of them being pack animals is hotly debated nowadays. But regardless of that they're very social animals and have been living with humans for a very long time. They understand us incredibly well.

Original poster
Prontoe · 26/04/2020 13:56

I wonder do they hear something in tone of voice of something. Know who they can get one over on or not.

OP posts:
Spied · 26/04/2020 13:57

Our dog is the same.
DP is the one who takes him for walks etc but each night he cuddles up to me and will do as I say more than anyone else in the house. He also comes to me when he is nervous (noises).
I am bossy.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 26/04/2020 13:57

We have three dogs. My husband's dog looks at me like I have crawled out from under a stone. He obeys my husband and our youngest daughter. My dog doesn't really pay any attention to anyone or anything else other than me. Our third dog (officially my mum's) moved in with us last June and very quickly accepted my husband as boss but my daughter has his special friend If he is told off he goes straight to her and moans about it.

My husband has a natural authority with dogs whereas I tend to form a more emotional bond. It works with the dynamics of the three we have now but they have very different needs in terms of affection/attention and they gravitate to the person who meets them.

Spied · 26/04/2020 13:58

And tbh I'm not actually a huge dog lover.

Original poster
Prontoe · 26/04/2020 14:00

I know as a human girl, I had my Dad wrapped around my little finger, but knew my DM was the one to obey. I could get away with anything with DDad, not so, with DM.

I'm just curious as to why she obeys me but not OH. It's funny. Maybe when I shout, she knows I'm serious.
Honestly, I don't shout much. Just a raised voice 'get into bed' when she has done something naughty.

OP posts:
Original poster
Prontoe · 26/04/2020 14:03

The funny thing is she's such a clever little dog and knows from my face when she has done something wrong. With DH she'd continue on doing it, but I just have to walk into a room and she knows she has done wrong lol. Tries to distract me by wagging her tail and wagging up to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Prontoe · 26/04/2020 14:04

Well I run with her, so maybe she likes me for the exercise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Prontoe · 26/04/2020 14:11

Spied, you sound like me, but I do the running. Fittest little dog in London.

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 26/04/2020 14:20

but my daughter has his special friend If he is told off he goes straight to her and moans about it

Oh , I am picturing this now , Dog3 ambling over to your DD , whining and turning a judgey face to the one who told him off , then more wingeing It was HIM , DD , him over there

Smile
NoveltyFunsies · 26/04/2020 14:24

Our dog was supposed to be for me. I picked him, named him, carried him on my lap on the journey home. I did all his training and I walk him and feed him, but he doesn’t give a shit about me and only cares about DP. I may as well not existGrin

Gormless · 26/04/2020 14:37

I’m enjoying reading these and have a suspicion cats can be similar.

DrReed · 26/04/2020 14:38

YABU. If they start doing that then you need to put a stop to it. Our dog only listened to dh, to the point where she would sleep on my side of the bed and snap at me when I tried to move her so I could get into bed. She also started snapping at our dc so we decided that we needed to get rid of her. We chatted to a man we were introduced to through the rescue centre and he was going to take her.

When he came to visit he told us straight up, we didn’t have a dog problem, there was a problem with how we were handling her. He basically stayed with us for 2hours and showed us how to re-set the pecking order in the house and put her back at the bottom. It was totally our fault that we had let her get that way.

We put in a lot of work and now she’s the most loving dog to all of us and I’m able to let her off the lead when I take her out because I’m now fully confident that she listens to me.

Serin · 26/04/2020 14:43

I do our shopping and I imagine our Ddog thinks I am some sort of superhero/ caveman when I return home with all our food.
He definitely thinks I am amazing, does everything I ask straight away and sits by my feet every evening.
He sees himself as second in command and DH, the 3 adult DC and the Dcat are his equals or slightly beneath him.
When I am not in the house he sits behind the front door pining until I come home and he ignores everyone else.

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/04/2020 14:45

Dogs are well keyed in to who is worth listening to, who is rewarding, who is scary and worth avoiding.

If you are consistent, not scary, rewarding to be around in any way, then the dog will listen to you.

Unfortunately also true is that if you are consistent, scary as fuck and its just a relief to be given any cue that tells the dog they won't get a kicking... the dog will also listen.

When I was going out to peoples homes to see dogs, really the job wasn't training dogs, it was unpicking and fixing the relationship between dogs and humans - as a species we are horrible at consistency in behaviour and wholly unaware of our body language which leads to HUGE misunderstandings and miscommunications with our dogs.

FrippEnos · 26/04/2020 14:47

I think that people forget that dogs are pack animals and that packs have a clearly defined hierarchy.

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/04/2020 14:48

Btw, dogs do not really care about pecking order or heirarchy or status.. those are human problems.

Dogs are self centred little fur balls who just want to know whats in it for them, who is good, who is scary. Anyone who is neutral, will be basically ignored (and thats where you want kids to fall in a dogs mind.. neutral, not fun, not scary, nothingy!)

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/04/2020 14:50

FrippEnos..

They aren't, and in fact, packs don't - packs are families, they have parents, various generations of siblings. Rules are fluid and loose and are about getting along together and group cohesion rather than status or heirarchy.

But in any case, studies on feral dogs show they are not pack animals do not behave like pack animals and will form social groups of unrelated animals, or not, as the environment or context demands.

Look up L David Mech, and also Coppingers work on Mexico City Dump Dogs amongst others, but the bottom line is, dogs are not pack animals.

ScarfLadysBag · 26/04/2020 14:51

Pack theory and all that stuff about dominance is out of date, disproven and not relevant to your pet dog. I'd expect professional trainers to be up to date with developments like that, but sadly a lot think that things like alpha rolling, not letting your dog go through a doorway in tiny if you, and pretending to eat their food (yes, people actually do that) is an appropriate way to train a dog in 2020.

ScarfLadysBag · 26/04/2020 14:52

*ahead of you