AIBU to think that dogs know who the boss is in the household?

[Prontoe]

Our little dog only listens to me. Doesn't listen to OH, even though he does most of her caring. But she somehow has appointed me as boss, to be obeyed, but not DH?
It's funny.
My sister lives with my DM and they both got dogs. They swapped owners, with the little rescue dog adopting my sister and my sister her, but my sister's dog which was adopted from other sister's litter and is purebred only responds to DM and sits on her lap etc. The rescue dog (energetic) loves my sister who is young and goes on walks and such. The dog that was supposed to be my sister's doesn't have the energy for her and naturally goes to DM (purebred Yorkie).

They seem to know the power play that is in the house, I'm quite bossy, so it makes sense that ddog would recognise that, but I couldn't pet her or anything as I'm allergic, yet she adores me.

Why do they know who to obey?

I’m fed up with people trotting our dogs are pack animals this is out of date and simply not true, Ceaser Milan has a lot to answer for luckily his training programmes don’t seem to be on tv anymore.

DDog does what I say, loves DH most, DS is his best friend and DD is his free food ticket as she's still in a high chair.

He'll occasionally listen to DH but DH isn't the most consistent communicator and often forgets the command. DDog is just confused whenever DS tries to order him about but is a massive softy around him and DD. Most often he does what I say first time, especially around the children. Me and DH probably get equal cuddles but I have to ask for them more often.

My two listen to me and practically laugh at my DH when he tries to assert his authority. My DH is softer than me though and not v consistent, he isn't v good at sounding like he 'means it'. They also follow me everywhere. They do really love my DH, they just don't seem to take him v seriously

I'm bossy and authoritative but also very loving. They seem to respond well to this combo.

Oh and as has been said here already, dogs aren't pack animals.

Dogs aren't very bright. My mum's husband is an abusive arsehole, but their old dog adored him. Even though mum often walked and fed the dog, the stupid animal worshipped this nasty, aggressive, shouty, unreasonable man. Mum is scared of him and he is definately the boss of the house, so on reflection, maybe the dog wasn't stupid - it worshipped the power base and couldn't be bothered with the pathetic, scared woman. So not stupid, more venal.

@TheNavigator

Not stupid at all though... it makes total sense to stick close to the dangerous one, after all the dog who lives with that person can't actually escape them, but they can fawn over them, appease them as much as possible and try anything to avoid punishment, and of course then any indication that a punishment isn't going to happen causes a huge flood of relief which is massively reinforcing.

The same factors that keep abused people under the spell of abusive partners, the cycle of fear, unpredictability, relief as reinforcement, works on dogs too.

It just made me sad that the dog adored such a nasty man at the expense of my poor mum.

I think dogs tend build strong attachments to certain people, in the way that humans do.

When my dog was young we lived not far from one of my DDs, we used to see her quite frequently and my dog absolutely adored her.

DD isn't a dog person, she's doesn't dislike them but just isn't particularly interested in them, preferring cats. She'll always greet my dog and give her a stroke but that's about it.

However, when dog was young I'd only have to say DD's name and dog would start looking for her; if we were in the the street she'd look carefully at every person we passed.

Same with other dogs. She's completely uninterested in most dogs but just occasionally will meet one that she takes a real shine to,

Definitely. In our house, it's the dog, and she knows it.

She's old and deaf and her sight is very poor. She used to be very agile, but can no longer jump up onto the sofa, so she sits and whinges. If we don't pick her up quickly enough, she barks at us.

She appears to be able to tell the time, too. At dinner time, she goes to and fro from the spot where her bowl goes, glaring at us pointedly. If we ignore this, she starts to grumble and will eventually bark to be fed.

We used to think that her insistence on being fed at 7 was triggered by The Archers theme music, but as she can't hear it, we reckon she's just got a very accurate body clock.

No they don't, as dominance theory is disproven. They know consequences. E.g. if I do x good thing I get x reward.

*When he came to visit he told us straight up, we didn’t have a dog problem, there was a problem with how we were handling her. He basically stayed with us for 2hours and showed us how to re-set the pecking order in the house and put her back at the bottom. It was totally our fault that we had let her get that way.

Your poor dog. It was resource guarding, nothing to do with non-existent pecking order.

YANBU. We have a springer and a cockapoo and both acknowledge me as 'boss'. DH walks them and feeds them as much as I do, they just listen to me more.

I think part of it for us is that I did most of their puppy training - the commands and the instructions they learned when they were very young have stayed with them, and I took them to all of their puppy training classes so it's possibly related to that. It's also possibly that I'm more strong-willed than DH.

We’re her pack in the sense that we’re her family.

And when she came to live with us she had to learn how this new place and these new people all fitted together, and how she fitted in. And yes, I do think she sees us differently, just as human family members see each other differently

DPuppy definitely thinks DD is also a puppy, because she’s the one who plays most. DS (at university, so only here sometimes) is the one she’s still trying to impress. I’m her anchor and main feeder.

It was obvious she felt much more secure when she’d got us sussed and had worked out that she belonged and how she fits in

Cats know who the boss is.....it's them.

I was never suggesting that they are pack animals. If you've been around dogs long enough, they have one 'owner'. I appear to be the owner of our dog. It's unusual I think as apart from runs together, dh does everything else for her. But ddog seems to think I'm the one to listen to (she's right haha!!). I think it might be because OH will let her away with sitting on the sofa whereas she jumps off (and OH covers for her) when she hears me coming - I'm not stupid, I can hear her jumping off lol. She's a brat really.

Now it sounds like my ddog and dh are henpecked. They're really not. Apart from the dog being on the sofa. I'll know well cause I can hear her little nails jumping onto the ground when she hears me coming down the stairs. I presume that she just sits there when it's just DH at home (he says she doesn't but.....)

DP use to raise his voice at the drop of a hat to get DS, the dog, or either of the cats to listen to him.

We had to sit down and have a conversation about how it does fuck all to raise his voice and he just needs to change his tone.

However, all four of them know that if I raise my voice its serious and someone is in trouble.

DP is getting much better and the dog and DS is starting to listen to him.

The cats still don't but I assume that is because they are both arseholes and will eat us given half a chance

I think she equally listens or does not listen to both me and fiancé but we seem to have oyr set roles in her eyes. Fiancé is playmate and rough house, I am for snuggles, sharing food with and protection. She will come upstairs to wait for me if I go take a longer bath or go to the toilet. Fiancé does not get the same treatment lol. Also fiancé is allowed to game or work on his laptop but god forbid should my attention be on anything but her and hands be doing anything but giving her snuggles lol

Yes definitely. X