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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nuisance neighbour. What would you do?

58 replies

NeighbourNightmare · 26/04/2020 11:17

Next door neighbours are stuck abroad where they have a holiday home. While they’re not in the house they’ve let a friends son move in. Neighbours are in their 60s, quiet never have any issues with them.

Since the son has moved in it’s been a nightmare. We can’t go in the garden without him talking over the fence to us. Wouldn’t mind if it was once in a while but it’s literally every time we step outside he’s looking over.

Pretty sure he’s taking drugs or something because of the way he looks and he talks nonsense so it’s even a nice catch up conversation. He’s out in the garden for the whole day either playing loud music or talking on the phone. Hours everyday talking on the phone which is distracting even sitting in the house with the windows open.

Last night he was out in the garden until 3am talking loudly. Woke me up a couple of times. Woke my partner up walking in and out of the front door, opening and closing the garden gate, arguing with someone on the phone.

I feel we can’t enjoy the garden in the nice weather because he’s there talking rubbish and won’t leave us alone. Tried not answering, he just keeps shouting till we do. Tried short answers and walking back in the house, he’s still there the next time we go out. Obviously we can’t go out to escape the noise even either.

AIBU to ask what we can do? Speak to the neighbours? But they’re out of the country with no way of getting back so they can’t physically make him leave and he’s got a key so not sure what help that will be. And they might end up worried about their house with nothing they can do about it. Any other ideas for what I can do?

OP posts:
CrotchetyQuaver · 26/04/2020 13:13

Just get in touch with the property owners! Who knows how long this lockdown is going to go on for, I can't imagine he's looking after the place. They need to know so that they can get in touch and stop the arrangement or at least they have had a warning all is not well rather than coming home to god knows what.

TwoMuchTwoYoung · 26/04/2020 13:14

Just pretend he doesn’t exist. Stop being polite.
Don’t make eye contact or acknowledge that he’s there at all.
And do use headphones so you can’t hear him.

Thisismytimetoshine · 26/04/2020 13:15

Is it just you or is he the same with the other neighbours? I know some people are not coping well with lockdown, but it seems very odd to repeatedly try to engage with complete strangers who've made it plain they're not interested.
Are you a different generation to your neighbours, as in are you nearer their age or his?

Itwasntme1 · 26/04/2020 13:17

Just be aware that noise never sounds as bad down the phone. My neighbour was blasting music yesterday, I held up the phone so my brother could hear, it was really loud by down the phone he could barely hear it.

Don’t worry about the neighbours, they need to know about this. I suspect there is already a back story with this guy and it won’t come as a shock

Potentialmadcatlady · 26/04/2020 13:19

‘I don’t mean to be rude but I need you to stop talking to me now in my own garden’ and repeat... ignore totally after that.. headphones with talking book and close eyes and ignore..

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 26/04/2020 13:23

It's going to rain all next week - that may change his habits.

Original poster
NeighbourNightmare · 26/04/2020 13:24

Thisismytimetoshine it’s not just us, it’s anyone and everyone that’s out in their garden. He was round the corner last week to one of the neighbours who was out trying to play with his kids. He’s in the garden now, I’ve just looked out and he’s stood on a sun lounger shouting over to the neighbours at the back.

I imagine there’ll be more complaints than just from me if it carries on much longer.

Think I’ll just say once I want to sit in the garden to relax and be left alone then just ignore any further attempts to talk.

Thanks everyone for the advice.

OP posts:
Thisismytimetoshine · 26/04/2020 13:28

Oh, Jesus, he sounds a complete fucking nightmare Shock
Whoever normally lives with him obviously jumped at the chance of offloading him for the duration!
You have to let the neighbours know, but to be fair, there's probably very little they can do beyond asking him to stop annoying the neighbours, and he hasn't the wit to understand just how he's actually doing that, he probably sees himself as the life and soul of the party...

BackseatCookers · 26/04/2020 13:32

I think it's fair to contact your neighbours about this as it's so relentless.

However it sounds like whatever anyone tells him (his parents included) he would brush off and say "they don't really mind, I'm just being friendly" etc.

I hate this stuff because he obviously doesn't mean any harm but I would feel anxious every time I went outside sort of preparing how to deal with it.

Thought he might be baked but you would smell weed if it was that. And he's unlikely to be on MDMA 24/7! So I think it's probably his personality rather than drugs.

And I guess if he's the kind of person who needs so much stimulation from others, he's probably very lonely in there and craving some human contact. Which I appreciate isn't your responsibility.

Other than contacting his parents I can't see any way of solving it 😬

You'll have to get 'rude' I think (though it isn't really rude to say you don't want to talk to someone all the time) as polite isn't working. Something like "it's a lovely day but I'm not in the mood to chat I'm afraid so I'm going to have a quiet sit down" and then properly ignore him from them on.

Sarahandco · 26/04/2020 13:37

It sounds like he has a mental illness and perhaps been sent there by his own parents/who family who perhaps cannot cope with him.

I would tell your neighbours as perhaps they should be notifying his family of what is going on if he needs more support.

justasking111 · 26/04/2020 13:40

Well in Wales if you have a drug taker next door renting you can contact the local council who will force the owner to evict.

RosesandIris · 26/04/2020 13:42

He sounds mentally unwell. He’s on his own and perhaps has some other issue going on. I would get in touch with his parents and explain he’s making your lives a misery. Ask them to recall him.
He sounds very lonely and desperate for attention perhaps as well.

HedgehogHotel · 26/04/2020 13:56

He doesn't sound well and he's alone.

Perhaps owners should be told about his odd/annoying/intrusive/scary behaviour and the family contacted ... or perhaps that's why the family was delighted to find him someplace to stay by himself for a while...

wheretonow123 · 26/04/2020 14:01

Can you talk to some of your other neighbours and ask what they feel should be done?

Also, you say he is a son of a friend f your neighbours, could you approach that friend? That is - his parents.

BreatheAndFocus · 26/04/2020 14:02

Contact your neighbours and tell them the facts. Explain how he’s bothering everyone and creating a noise nuisance. Give them a chance to sort it but do explain you’re going to have to contact the police/council if it continues.

Presumably they’ll then contact his parents. Have they ever explained why this man has moved in and isn’t with his own family? I could well believe he has mental health problems or something.

I had a similar neighbour but he was a teen. He used to peer through the fence and even shout to us when we were in the house as he could see into our kitchen from there. Bloody annoying! We put up a high fence and that stopped it.

But hopefully your problem will be sorted more easily and the owners or his parents will either remove him or make him stop.

Mummyshark2019 · 26/04/2020 14:04

Just tell his parents to sort him out. Or he needs to leave.

FlaskMaster · 26/04/2020 14:04

Don't look at him or talk to him. Every time he looks over spray him with the hose. If you feel like shouting "fuck off' occasionally, do it. This way, he'll avoid you.

billy1966 · 26/04/2020 14:10

Very hard to believe your neighbours don't know exactly what they have dumped on you.

Who hands their house over to just anyone.

I would be very pissed, and they'd know it.

If you are lycky enough to have a garden to use, you shouldn't have it's use ruined for you by anyone, particularly some random person using the house.

You sound a lot more considerate of your neighbours than they have been of you.

By keeping quiet you are enforcing the belief that everything is fine.

I'd disabuse them of that belief promptly.

Feedingthebirds1 · 26/04/2020 14:12

If you normally have a good relationship with your neighbours, tell them. It would be tricky if it was their son, but he isn't. And you can minimise the stress to them by saying that you will keep an eye on the house.

tara66 · 26/04/2020 14:16

I think there are some flights from Spain but now 2 weeks quarantine has been introduced to all flights here - but they can stay at their house. If owners can be contacted let them know your problem - after speaking to the son and getting promise that his behaviour will change. Tell him if it does not you will ask his parents to tell him to leave etc. Also tell him you will complain to Council and police about his noise pollution as everyone is at home now and no one wants to listen to him all day/night.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 26/04/2020 14:16

What sort of things is he saying??

mencken · 26/04/2020 14:28

contact their neighbours and make it clear that he is a pig - not knowing when to stop jabbering is just poor social skills, but loud and late music is disgusting.

for those stuck with horrible tenants next door; be aware that even in normal times the only thing landlords can do is evict, landlords have no control over tenant behaviour. All evictions are stopped at the moment, and with the ensuing backlog you'll be looking at a year before your pig is sent to annoy someone else. Sorry.

FuzzyPuffling · 26/04/2020 14:32

"Shut up and go away". Then refuse to engage further. Every time.

And contact the owners.

Zaphodsotherhead · 26/04/2020 14:48

Ask the neighbours for the contact details of their friend (the son's parents). You don't need to tell them why you need it, just say you are concerned about his behaviour.

Contact the parents if you can, and tell them that their son is causing a disturbance. They can't just ship him out to somewhere and then absolve themselves of all responsibility (if he is usually their responsibiity, which is sounds as though he is, if their friend is having to house him). You don't have to make a big deal of it, but they may need to have a word.

And I second the 'wearing headphones in the garden at all times and give him one smile and then blank him'. It's what my friend has to do with her ASD son who talks at her ALL THE TIME.

awesomeaircraft · 26/04/2020 15:05

Contact the owners and let us know if it turns out they didn't know that they had a friends' son staying there Mexican house thief style.