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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not be able to get my baby to sleep

38 replies

Careybeary · 25/04/2020 21:12

14 week old baby boy and I’m totally at a loss with what to do with his sleep.

Daytimes - he will go pretty much the entire day without sleeping even though he yawns and so he must be tired right? I don’t see how he is functioning on so little sleep! Only exception is I can sometimes get him to fall asleep on me after rocking.

Nightimes - if he falls asleep on me he may sleep for 2-3 hours but obviously I have to stay awake. He doesn’t sleep in his cot, and we’ve tried cosleeping the last couple of weeks but he only manages about an hour sleep at a time before waking crying.

Totally lost. I don’t understand how to get him to sleep. He’s been exactly like this since being born but I’ve just been hoping he will improve once he’s out of the 4th trimester as that’s what I’ve been told. However he is still no better.

Not tried any type of routine as I have no idea how that would work as when it says eg 9am put baby down for nap or 7pm put baby to bed I have no idea how you would do this as I can’t get him to sleep in the first place!

Over 14 weeks in and still feel totally clueless and that I have no idea what I’m supposed to do to get him to sleep even for a couple of hours at a time - help please

OP posts:

Megan2018 · 25/04/2020 21:18

It will pass. They are all different.
I have a challenging sleeper, she has learnt to nap at 6 months (she’s now 7 months). We co-sleep and now get 3-4 hr stretches at night and 1hr naps.
Routines didn’t work for me until 6 months and I won’t sleep train.

For now just put him in a stretchy wrap several times a day and walk about doing whatever you need to do. I always got a few naps that way eventually.

It isn’t forever, he will get it!

LazyYogi · 25/04/2020 21:20

I completely feel your pain. Most of the early weeks with DS i am certain the crying fits were from tiredness. He seemed to have 20 minutes naps at the boob but nothing more. We did manage to get a good routine going but now sleep regression has hit (he's 20 weeks) and I'm at my wit's end!

Have you tried the Huckleberry app? You put in the times that he sleeps and wakes and it tells you when he will be next due a nap. It's not a cure all but it can help to make sure he's in the right place at the right time. During the good times it worked perfectly.

Are you breastfeeding or using a dummy etc? When he wakes during cosleeping you might find you can stick your nipple or dummy in his mouth as soon as he stirs and a few sucks later he'll be back asleep? This works for my DS unless he has wind.

Cdstjooyv · 25/04/2020 21:23

There’s an app called huckleberry that gives you a ‘sweet spot’ for when they’re best to sleep depending on age. It’s almost always spot on :) no help with where baby sleeps but this could help with when baby needs to

Cdstjooyv · 25/04/2020 21:25

Oh also, on huckleberry - catnaps count! Log Every time baby sleeps for best results

FairyDogMother11 · 25/04/2020 21:25

I have a 13 week old, I don't really have any hints or tips, but she won't sleep at night if she doesn't sleep in the day, those two things are directly linked in our house. I know to expect a bad night if she nap refuses in the day. Babies just want to be near you and they do get overstimulated very easily. My baby has been slow to gain weight due to allergies and things so I'm awake every hour and a half for half an hour to ensure she bf properly, and up till a few weeks ago I was expressing too, so was often only getting maybe half an hour sleep every 2 hours so I do understand how hard the sleep deprivation is. A stretch of two hours feels luxury to me now! Anyway I hope someone comes along with a solution but I just wanted you to know its not just you!

FairyDogMother11 · 25/04/2020 21:26

Oh and yes to a stretchy wrap, if she won't sleep I pop her in that and walk so she has napped!

SRK16 · 25/04/2020 21:34

I had a baby who was similar and it was a fucking nightmare the first few months! What I learnt was my baby could/would not put himself to sleep, and had no obvious tired cues. He would stay awake and become so overtired that getting him to sleep was nigh on impossible.
Eventually I learnt that after about 1.5 hours of awake time I needed to try and put him down/get him to sleep (google recommended sleep intervals for his age). My baby is now 7 months and still doesn’t nap in the cot, but will nap in his pram. I put him down every 2h 15 unless he’s obviously yawning and rubbing eyes. At 3/4 months it was much harder, he would only sleep on me (feed to sleep) or I could walk him for his naps, which were only ever 20-30 minutes at your babies age. I think maybe a couple of times I manGed to rock him to sleep and put him in the cot but they were flukes and it felt like torture. Eventually as he got older I could rock him in the pram at home. Now I don’t have to rock him at all I just pop him in the pram and he falls asleep relatively quickly & sleeps for an hour or more (most of the time).

Long naps are developmental and they have to learn to consolidate their sleep to do this, as far as I understand anyway. I wish someone had told me this as I spent weeks wondering what I was doing wrong - it’s just a process. You and your baby will get there. I think naps got better for me after about 18 weeks?

Tough at the moment but I recommend trying to do one walking pram nap a day and then you could try rocking in the pram or let baby nap on you. It my saving grace was definitely looking up awake/sleep intervals.

If he’s not overtired and is sleeping in the day, in theory night sleep should get better. Again, it took a long time for my baby to sleep in his cot, and he still wakes regularly at night... but it’s better than it was.

Chin up, you’re doing great. You’ll get there!

GilbertMarkham · 25/04/2020 21:36

I would try a wrap/carrier and walking around. Also walks in pram.

Maybe try drives in car. I know you can only have him in car seat for limited period though - three are now lie flat car seats which get around the time restrictions but they're pretty expensive (esp if you've already bought a non lie-flat car seat).

GrumpyHoonMain · 25/04/2020 21:36

Try white noise. Alexa has baby womb sounds which is a life saver

GilbertMarkham · 25/04/2020 21:37

Could he be hungry?

GilbertMarkham · 25/04/2020 21:39

Thats true - white noise esp womb sounds might be worth a try.

GilbertMarkham · 25/04/2020 21:43

Routine wise you could try a bed time routine for say seven o'clock. Bath, read to him, bottle/boob - even if he doesn't fall asleep afterward, I'd just keep doing the same routine at the same time every evening.

GilbertMarkham · 25/04/2020 21:43

Ergo carriers seek to be the business for older babies incidentally.

GilbertMarkham · 25/04/2020 21:43

*Seem

TruffleShuffles · 25/04/2020 21:45

My daughter was exactly the same, it was exhausting and I thought I was never going to sleep ever again. White noise did help as she was such a light sleeper it seemed to stop her reacting to any noise that me and my husband happened to make around her no matter how quiet we were.

The turning point was when she moved into her own room at 6 months, she must have needed complete silence and to be alone to sleep. She went from sleeping in 45 minute intervals to through the night.

LolaLollypop · 25/04/2020 21:49

I second the pp who said try a routine. Some babies do prefer it. I put my 9 week old down at 7/8pm every night, depending on when he gets tired. Dim the lights, cool room, big feed, dummy if needed, white noise etc. My LO sometimes just goes off to sleep, otherwise if he's unsettled I'll lay next to him and pop the dummy back in / console / offer boob if needed.

Trying2310 · 25/04/2020 21:50

White noise, drive in car. We drove our LO in car and each time played the same song while we drove. Now that song helps get him to sleep at home also. Sling and rocking him in the pram. None of my children every slept in the cot for daytime naps. They always slept in the pram and car seat (frowned upon I know and guidance has changed on this also) if they didn't sleep at nap times then night times were awful. By three months I tried to implement a rough routine regarding naps and bedtimes.

Morningchorus · 25/04/2020 21:51

Echoing above, it will be really hard work but routine, removal of all stimulation (dark quiet room) following a wind down period and then tricks to transfer like have a Muslin under head that has been down your top, you hovering over his face and body closely after transfer to trick that he is still on you because of smell and warmth, white noise etc.

Really feel for you, sleep deprivation is hard. Hope it improves.

Worriedmum97 · 25/04/2020 21:52

Do you bf? Our first was like that. At 3.5 months he would only sleep 3 hours in total during the day (I have my notes in front of me;))), of which 2x40 min he would “sleep” sucking on my nipple, 2x40min I would manage to rock him to sleep in a pushchair (which should be moving all the time otherwise he would instantly wake up). At night my notes say he would wake up every hour (we never bothered with cots, he would sleep with us). He is 8yo now, one of the brightest in his class at a highly selective London based school. And when his baby sister cries he genuinely wonders why she’s been so noisy, which makes us laugh remembering old good days 8years ago;)))

Worriedmum97 · 25/04/2020 21:55

And yes, my 2 older children somehow outgrown/got much better after 6 months, I was able to leave them in a bed sleeping after a feed rather than sitting holding them or running around in all weathers with a pram

TillyTheTiger · 25/04/2020 21:59

It's tough isn't it, my son was like this and it was made harder by people with good sleepers saying 'just put him down drowsy but awake and he'll learn to self-settle, that's what I do with mine'.
Huckleberry app is brilliant, white noise is also helpful, motion can be useful (rocking, pushchair, or carrying in a sling).
Hope you find something that works for you!

Raaaa · 25/04/2020 22:33

Sleep deprivation is the worst! We went through a phase of only rocking and walking would get her off to sleep and in the end we thought sod this!
She had a dummy and would sometimes fall asleep on the bottle so we would put her in her cot in her own room (she went in from 6 weeks), switch the lights off and pull the door to. She was a brilliant sleeper at night but really bad at napping!
I hope you get some sleep soon!!

WineAndTiramisu · 25/04/2020 22:37

Another vote for the Huckleberry app, really helped us, we were leaving dd until she was too tired, think improved using the app

Reallymissthegym · 25/04/2020 22:43

We found with ds he would only fall to sleep in his pram, as soon as he was in it he was asleep, then after an hour or two we would take him to bed and he would go down. He wouldn’t if he slept anywhere else or if we tried the cot first. By the time he was walking, he would get his pram himself and push it into place before climbing in and asking for his boc boc.

Flippyflo · 25/04/2020 23:08

Ohhh @Careybeary

I see a suggestion could he be hungry ? This was my initial thought, i think it might be worth a try! You’d be surprised ?

When I was struggling with sleep I noticed she would only ever sleep on me, but after a while I realised it was that she actually was just more comfortable sleeping on her front. ( I know this is frowned upon by others) but it works for us ...

But I would absolutely try up the oz !

Good luck and be kind to yourself x

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