To not be able to get my baby to sleep

[Careybeary]

14 week old baby boy and I’m totally at a loss with what to do with his sleep.

Daytimes - he will go pretty much the entire day without sleeping even though he yawns and so he must be tired right? I don’t see how he is functioning on so little sleep! Only exception is I can sometimes get him to fall asleep on me after rocking.

Nightimes - if he falls asleep on me he may sleep for 2-3 hours but obviously I have to stay awake. He doesn’t sleep in his cot, and we’ve tried cosleeping the last couple of weeks but he only manages about an hour sleep at a time before waking crying.

Totally lost. I don’t understand how to get him to sleep. He’s been exactly like this since being born but I’ve just been hoping he will improve once he’s out of the 4th trimester as that’s what I’ve been told. However he is still no better.

Not tried any type of routine as I have no idea how that would work as when it says eg 9am put baby down for nap or 7pm put baby to bed I have no idea how you would do this as I can’t get him to sleep in the first place!

Over 14 weeks in and still feel totally clueless and that I have no idea what I’m supposed to do to get him to sleep even for a couple of hours at a time - help please

Thank you so much for all the responses, I feel so much less alone.

Have downloaded the Huckleberry app and will give it a try today.

Yes I’m breastfeeding, have tried letting him fall asleep with the nipple still in his mouth but I eventually have to move it as it starts to get uncomfortable. As for him being hungry, I’m not using any formula so hard to tell how much he’s getting. He is pooping every other day normally so taking this as an ok sign?

We use white noise blasting out every night but doesn’t seem to have any effect apart from the fact I seem to have trained myself to not be able to fall asleep without it on now .

We have a sling with limited success for naps but now I’m thinking maybe he’s too overtired to sleep in it when we’ve had failed attempts as he will just scream. Will try again in combination with huckleberry times to see if this works any better.

Reading through all the comments, thanks for much for the suggestions xx

He sounds exactly like my first, would not sleep. I thought I was doing something wrong.

Second comes along and from day 1 slept for 2/3 hour chunks at night and napped when tired.

When my first went into his own room at 6 months he slept better so might be same for you.

I had the same with mine. She didn’t really start napping properly until 4 months. Before that it was cat naps on me. Nighttime didn’t get better until 6 months. I did find white noise helped though.

Just writing an update for anyone reading this thread at a later date as I know I trawled through many a thread seeking answers. Little one is now 6 and a half months and still no success. If anything looking back at my original post he may now even be doing worse. A good night he will manage chunks of 1-2 hours, on a bad night wakes anywhere between 20-45 mins if I can get him back to sleep at all. I don’t know what else to try, I know it won’t be forever but I’ve not had more than 3 hours sleep in one go since he’s been born and not more than 2 hours in one go probably in the last few months. Also if anyone (in real life) tells me everything is just a phase I will kill them. Over 6 months doesn’t exactly feel like a phase when it’s been his whole life! Really starting to worry about how I’ll cope when going back to work, I feel so physically ill from this now x

Rant over! It’s been a bad night! I’ve only managed 2 hours of broken sleep overall

Another vote for white noise here.

Do you have help during the day? Someone who can take him for a walk so you can get some sleep? If you are able to find workarounds so you can get the sleep you need then it takes the pressure off needing him to settle into a routine.

It sounds really hard OP so you have my total sympathy. My DCs were all great sleepers as babies but DC3 is currently getting a toddler's revenge by being the worst ever.

I have just PM’d you.

Sorry to hear you are struggling. Just to reassure you it's really nothing to do with you but down to the individual child. I've had a great sleeper and a non sleeper. I think fortunately for my sanity my sleeper came first so I knew it was nothing I'd done. Have you heard of little ones? It's a baby program which really helped with my non sleeper. It wasn't instant and I basically had no life whilst I was trying to implement their routine but it did eventually work. My non sleeper now at 15 months sleeps (mostly) through the night with a 2 hr nap in the day.

Sending love OP I’m so sorry you’re still struggling. Do you have someone who can take the baby for you to be able to catch up on sleep? Perhaps it might be worth speaking to a sleep consultant, you don’t have to sleep train or leave baby to cry but they may have more suggestions and advice. Gentle sleep book by Sarah Ockwell Smith is also useful.

We started following the possums sleep advice a few months ago with our toddlers. Basically you just wake them up at the same time every day and really try and wear them out during the day, lots of sensory activities. We've gone from complete chaos to a routine that they've set themselves. No, they don't always go to bed at the same time but less wake ups over night and easier to settle at sleep times. We used to lie with DD for hours to get her to sleep, now she asks to go to bed and it takes 15 mins.

My son has just started basically sleeping through at 15 months. I'm not saying this to scare you! He would never go more than 3 hours and catnapped until 13 months.

I used lucy wolfe book and things improved in 10 days. I no longer look like a corpse, just normal tired. It may not work for you, but it's the only thing i read where i recognised my baby's sleep pattern and issues.

She does stay and support - you don't leave them to cry, you stay in the room and distract/sing/comfort. The first night was the worst, twenty mins crying. Now he often sleeps 11 hours or only wakes once. We also still share a bedroom, which can make things harder.

I'm telling you this because i wish i had given myself permission to try some form of training earlier. If these books don't work and you can afford it, try a sleep consultant - your sleep is worth it.

You have my deepest sympathies OP - my daughter was exactly the same, and unfortunately it just kept getting worse and worse. We tried everything. We exchanged one set of problems for new ones. She never boobed or rocked to sleep, we had to ‘cuddle’ her to sleep and it could take absolutely ages, often without her crying, it was heartbreaking. She would only nap in the pram for half an hour and would wake up crying between 6 and 10 times a night, sitting up crawling around the bed - it was utterly horrendous. I might weaned at 10 months, made zero difference. My partner and I ended up taking it in turns to co sleep and were both depressed. Eventually at 11 months, right before we both went back to work (we took some co-leave) we got a sleep consultant in and did sleep training, the ‘gradual retreat’ method - there were tears, but far less than we expected (the sleep consultant also pointed out that she cries anyway, so wasn’t really any more than usual) and within about 8 days she was sleeping through the night, napping for longer, and basically has ever since (she’s 18 months now). It saved our sanity. It’s not for everyone, but we were desperate, and she was so much happier in herself when she started sleeping properly. I really wish we had done it sooner. Good luck

Buggy, Snoozeshade and loud white noise in the day worked for us. As soon as we got naps (albeit 30 minute ones) during the day, she started sleeping longer stretches at night. She learnt to get herself to sleep at bedtime at about six months, and for naps at about a year old (but she’s still not keen at 19mo and will just get up and say ‘No seep’ 🤦🏻‍♀️)