Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner forgot what day my birthday is.

41 replies

Whatisnormalhere · 25/04/2020 17:01

So basically after I told my partner that I felt bad for forgetting it was my sister's birthday today, he decides to tell me he doesn't remember my birth date.
We have been together for over 3 years. We have a 2 year old together. I feel really hurt that he hasn't bothered to remember my birthday. I know his birthday and year of birth! Thankfully he remembers our sons birthday...

It just has me thinking, does this man even really care about me? I told him I was upset about it, he apologised and said it is hard for him to remember. I let it slide for now, but I can't stop thinking about it to be honest.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
TheNewSchmoo · 25/04/2020 17:03

Yes. Some people just don't remember this stuff. It's no indication of the level of their feeling towards you.

Nottherealslimshady · 25/04/2020 17:06

YABU has he ever actually forgotten to get you anything? I couldn't tell you most of my families birthdays. I'm pretty sure my husband could tell you our anniversary, we got married last year.

ScarfLadysBag · 25/04/2020 17:06

Has he actually ever missed your birthday? Or could he just not recall it when asked?

Nottherealslimshady · 25/04/2020 17:06

*my husband COULDN'T tell you our anniversary

Fairyliz · 25/04/2020 17:08

I’ve been married 32 years and can never remember if my husbands birthday is 10th or 11th. Think I got it wrong once and then two dates got stuck in my mind.
I always have to check with him when I fill in official forms and he laughs about it.

TSSDNCOP · 25/04/2020 17:10

My husband forgot our wedding anniversary yesterday I had too, but obviously that's beside the point. I distinctly remember him saying twenty one and a half years ago that he was having the date inscribed inside so that he would always remember.

The key here is how well he recovered. If he said for instance, I don't need to remember it's here in my diary or similar that's no problem. If he turn up on the day totally empty handed not so cool.

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 25/04/2020 17:11

I managed to confuse my mum about my date of birth as a joke. She in the end agreed to the wrong one. She cares about me.
My DH had my wrongly memorised and thought it's few days later. He cares about me.
My brother forgot totally 😂. He.. I think cares.
I still have to check my calendar for my mum's birthday. I confuse 2 days... Don't remember any of grandparents'. Yet I care about them.

Some people are useless with dates, some accidentally memorise ot wrongly. As long as all else is good, I wouldn't push ot. I would just tell him so he can put it into his phone calendar reminders.

TSSDNCOP · 25/04/2020 17:11

I can't remember how to spell my husband's middle name. This is a particular problem as it is also our sons middle name.

TSSDNCOP · 25/04/2020 17:12

*inside his ring, not like his internal organs Grin

Moltenpink · 25/04/2020 17:13

If you forgot your sister’s... aren’t you being a teeny bit hypocritical?

WorraLiberty · 25/04/2020 17:14

Jesus, you'd have a pink fit if you heard me on the phone to my GP, trying to remember my DC's birthdays and I gave birth to them! Blush

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Some people are bad with numbers and dates.

iklboo · 25/04/2020 17:15

DH can't remember his own birthday half the time.

userabcname · 25/04/2020 17:16

My husband can't remember our children's birthdays and they're still only small (one 2yo one 6mo!). My mother, on the other hand, remembers every single person's birthday who she's ever met (e.g. my best friend in year 4 - she'd know it!). I'm somewhere in the middle. Yabu. Some people find remembering this stuff easy, others rely on reminders on their phone. If there are no other problems then it's a non-issue.

WiddlinDiddlin · 25/04/2020 17:19

Sometimes people get a block about a particular date, for example, OH and I have been together 16 years... I still cannot remember for certain if his birthday is the 17th or the 19th of x month, x year. Month and year are fine, I just get confused about those two dates (and I don't know why because the other one isn't significant in any way).

Squirrelblanket · 25/04/2020 17:19

I think it's worse that you forgot your sisters birthday to be honest. Presumably you've known her all of your/her life.

WickedlyPetite · 25/04/2020 17:20

We have been together for over 3 years

You and your sister have been sisters for practically your whole life and you still forgot her
birthday. Do you even care about her one tiny little bit?

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 25/04/2020 17:20

By your logic, Do you even care about your sister is you forgot hers?!

My brother would tell you my birthday is the 7th of either June or July...he’s almost certain it’s June...but could be July...100% 7th...it is June but it’s not the 7th...it has absolutely nothing to do with how much he loves me or our relationship

My boss is a wonderful dad and husband, one of the best...can he say with any certainty when his wife or 2 DCs birthdays are? Nope, absolutely no chance...again, nothing to do with his love for them

Squidgoals · 25/04/2020 17:20

My DH couldn't remember my birthday for years. Now he always pretends to get it wrong but sometimes I think he really honestly doesn't know it. But he has it in his diary and always gets me lovely presents so I don't care.
He had our wedding date engraved on his wedding ring, otherwise I'm pretty sure he'd forget that too.
My dad probably couldn't tell you my birthday either. Pretty sure men in general are less good at remembering dates than women are. It doesn't mean they don't care

Reallymissthegym · 25/04/2020 17:21

I put my wrong date of birth on a form a while ago- I put my ex partners instead! We spilt up 7 years ago and I have a new partner or 3 years😂 I also forget how old I am frequently- I’m 38, 39, no 38.....no wait... hang on... I was born in 1981......
Yep that’s a frequent sentence from my mouth.....

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 25/04/2020 17:23

Oh and I cannot tell you with 100% accuracy when my best friend of 15years or either of my god children’s birthdays are

I know the month but the date I’ll probably get wrong within a day either side.

I love them dearly I just, for some reason, cannot imprint those dates in my head

1forAll74 · 25/04/2020 17:37

My Son and Daughter, both in their 40's, did not send me a birthday card, MY birthday is March 21st, and it was Mothers day also the next day,and no card either. But I don't get upset about these things, and don't dwell on my oldie age !

MentholChill · 25/04/2020 17:39

@1forAll74 you're very laid back and forgiving. I think that's terrible!

VettiyaIruken · 25/04/2020 17:43

Some people just don't really care about this stuff. I'm one of them. It's got nothing to do with love.
However if, now he knows how important it is to you, he doesn't put a reminder on his phone or something then he is being thoughtless. He should now make sure he remembers. Not because he cares, but because you care and he cares about things that matter to you.

RandomMess · 25/04/2020 17:45

Been together 20 years, DH has finally remembered by birthday in the last couple of years. Been married 13 years neither of us know 100% the date - it's a standing joke!!

I know it does hurt but a partner that does all the day to day being a good partner is more important than a shit one that remembers your DOB.

I think it really depends on the rest of your relationship, SIL no longer speaks to us because yep DH forgot to send her a birthday card 🤷🏽‍♀️

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 25/04/2020 17:45

Not important

Swipe left for the next trending thread