Anyone experienced this before?
I’ve been single for around 6 years now, last serious relationship ended because he cheated. Have been dating on and off for the last few years but I work full time in quite a demanding job plus I’ve always been the type of person who enjoys their own company.
I spend a lot of time with family and friends outside of work but of course it would be nice to have a partner, I’m not overly bothered though as I’m sure when the time is right, it will happen.
Best friend of 10 years (Let’s call her C) is married with two kids and as much as I love her, there has always been this divide between us because we chose different paths in life. She works part time two days a week as where I work 50-60hrs a week normally. She has made her feelings known about how she doesn’t understand why I work so many hours and that there is more to life than just working. I earn a relatively good salary but what comes with that, is a lot of responsibility and hours. I knew that when I took the job on. I am saving up to my buy my own home (number 1 goal for me right now) and so I’m happy to work all the hours that god sends. I rent at the moment and honestly can’t see myself wasting money for the next 10/20 years on a property that will never be mine. C is happy to rent and doesn’t see it that way, plus could never afford to buy a property anyway. She would rather spend money on her kids, go on holidays and days out etc. I absolutely understand and would probably do the same if I had children. I don’t judge her at all for her decision, but feel that she doesn’t show me the same courtesy.
It’s the same situation with romantic relationships. C is married and has been for nearly 4 years. She has openly told me that she settled for her husband, that he wasn’t the type of person she would normally be interested in (physical looks and personality) and that she basically had to force herself to “like/fall in love” with him. Imo she absolutely did settle for him (that’s not a criticism against him, I think he’s a lovely man but they are different in so many ways) but again, she can’t understand why I wouldn’t do the same thing. Imo life is too short to be with someone who your “just about” keen on.
Now the problem is, anytime I have a romantic interaction with a man or think I might be interested in someone, C thinks it’s her duty to “school” me on what I should and shouldn’t be doing. I have never asked for C’s advice regarding romantic relationships, just because her and her husband fight day and night and just generally do not much as a couple (I have kept this opinion to myself of course). I think given the fact that she basically had to force herself to fall in love with her husband, she really isn’t the best person to be giving advice.
I will admit, around 4 years ago I had an off and on relationship (more like sex) with a man for just over a year. He screwed with my head massively and of course C was there to pick up the pieces, like I would have if the roles had been reversed. I use to go to her, but not so much for advice but more of a shoulder to cry on.
Now, 3 years later, the man is now gone, I’m fine and back to my normal happy self but C still thinks it’s her responsibility to “monitor” my potential relationships. Due to all these issues I no longer discuss any romantic possibilities with C as I really just don’t want her advice. The only time we talk about it is if she initiates a conversation about it first. I recently started chatting to a man on Match at the end of last month, we seemed to share the same interests and just generally got on very well. 3 weeks later and the conversation has fizzled out, fine by me. I hadn’t even met the man yet (due to COVID) so it was generally easy to move on and start again. C rang me yesterday to have a quick catch up and asked if I had been speaking to anyone, I mentioned the man above and explained that nothing was going to progress as the convo had fizzled out. C then decided to express her opinion of how she thought “I hadn’t tried very hard and should put in a bit more effort, I’m always so quick to dismiss things etc”. I said I didn’t see the need to, he wasn’t overly bothered and neither was I. Why would I chase someone who wasn’t interested?. C basically highlighted the fact that I had been single for a number of years, and if I really wanted to meet someone I would need to put a bit more effort in. Imo, relationships are a two way thing and I just didn’t see the need to try any harder.
Again, I hadn’t asked for her advice but she still felt the need to “school” me. I think C should be concentrating on her own marriage before berating me, especially given the points I’ve mentioned above. I respect the decisions that she makes, they work for her and her family but not so much me. We’re different, and I’m fine with that but I feel that C has this attitude of “well this is the way that I do things, so people should follow suit”. It’s a shame it has come to this, she has been my best friend for years and despite these issues, we do get on when we’re together and we talk nearly 2-3 times a week on the phone. We keep each other going, but I think our differences are starting to show and cause problems.
What do you guys think?