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AIBU?

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Original poster

To reach out to my old neighbours who tried to befriend me?

37 replies

TheGoldenNugget · 25/04/2020 08:59

I had two lovely neighbours, both tried to befriend me but I wasn’t in the right headspace, I suffered with depression and didn’t not like myself. I didn’t go out, hated the way I looked because of my weight and my marriage was suffering, so I had a lot on my plate. I was very insecure. Whenever they invited me to their house I would always make an excuse. But now I have lost weight, husband has moved out and I’m in a much better place.

They’ve both now moved last year, and I was thinking of reaching out to them, and suggest to meet once this is all over. I’m getting teary thinking about this, but one of them brought me food one day when they had a BBQ in their garden, I remember she hugged me and said ‘ I’m here for you if you need me’ I never spoke to her about my depression but it was obvious something was going on because they rarely saw me go out and if they did I must have looked in a right state. They’re just lovely, similar age with kids.

How would you feel if you were that neighbour and you suddenly got a text from me? Smile

OP posts:
Star81 · 25/04/2020 09:09

I think if you explained that you were in a very bad place at the time and have always remembered their kindness then that would be a lovely text to receive.

But if your just going to text saying ‘hi, how are you ?’ It would probably be quite confusing to them.

Hanfulofdust · 25/04/2020 09:10

That's a nice thought OP. I don't see the harm in reaching out to them but don't invest too much in it. Now they no longer live next door they may not be as keen to be friends.

northernlittledonkey · 25/04/2020 09:12

Yes, I’d get in contact. Explain as you’ve done with us & see how it goes.

ivfgottostaypositive · 25/04/2020 09:15

If they still lived next door I would but since they've moved I'd think it was a bit weird

FairlowWonder · 25/04/2020 09:17

I think as they’ve moved on and you didn’t establish a friendship it would be weird. Have you thought about making friends another way?

Ragwort · 25/04/2020 09:19

You could send them a text saying how much you appreciated their offers of support at the time and are sorry that you were in such a bad place and that you are now much happier. Maybe wish them well and hope that they are coping well in the current situation... but as a PP said, don’t expect too much in return.

Ponoka7 · 25/04/2020 09:22

Why not ask them how they are getting on, so it isn't just about what you would like to happen? If they had aged parents ask about them etc.

They may not want any new friends and that won't be a personal thing. So if it falls flat, don't let it discourage you to put yourself forward. Don't use reach out in rl.

BreatheAndFocus · 25/04/2020 09:28

Now they’ve moved I wouldn’t reach out to them. I’d take it was weird if I was the neighbour. However, I would drop them a note thanking them for their kindness and hoping they’re staying safe in these difficult times.

ludicrouslemons · 25/04/2020 09:30

You could do it as a thank you but not as a 'let's be friends starting now'.

SallyWD · 25/04/2020 09:31

Do it, it never hurts to reach out. I'm sure they'll be very touched.

ANoiseAnnoys · 25/04/2020 09:31

Why not just send a text/note explaining you were in a bad situation and how you really appreciate the fact they were kind to you and that you’ve always remembered it?

That way you’re not asking for anything back, just acknowledging their kindness and leaving the ball in their court. I’m sure they’d be pleased to know they helped you at a difficult time.

MarylandMayhem · 25/04/2020 09:33

I'd be suspicious and wonder what it is you want from me. You didn't want my friendship before so why now? If you started going on about poor mental health I'd assume you were gearing up to take advantage in some way.

CrymbleCrumble · 25/04/2020 09:38

I'd be really confused by a text from someone that I no longer live next door to, who ignored my attempts at friend when I did live next door.. I get that you said you had mental health issues but the moment has gone.

OhioOhioOhio · 25/04/2020 09:38

I wouldn't. Similar situation here. How did you lose weight?

donquixotedelamancha · 25/04/2020 09:41

I think if you explained that you were in a very bad place at the time and have always remembered their kindness then that would be a lovely text to receive.

This. I don't think there is anything wrong in saying thank you now you are in a better place to reflect.

As long as you don't expect anything from it (for the reasons given by PPs) then you won't be disappointed.

LadyGAgain · 25/04/2020 09:43

What @ANoiseAnnoys said

Bingeslayer · 25/04/2020 09:44

Yes I would,explaining everything like you did here.Nice to hear you're doing much better,gives others in similar situation hope.

picklemewalnuts · 25/04/2020 09:45

I would be pleased! They will have been wondering how you are, and will be pleased to know you have turned things around. People who noticed you need help won't have forgotten and will be reassured that they were right to offer even if you weren't able to accept at that time.

As Noise says, leave it open so they aren't obliged to respond. Her message about remembering their kindness was a good one!

Nicolastuffedone · 25/04/2020 09:53

I wouldn’t. They were probably just being ‘neighbourly’ I’m friendly with my neighbours, but just that, they’re my neighbours, we’d help each other out if need be but we’re not ‘friends’ if I ever move I’d find it very odd if they got in touch with me. They’ve moved on....

Original poster
TheGoldenNugget · 25/04/2020 09:55

I'd be suspicious and wonder what it is you want from me. You didn't want my friendship before so why now? If you started going on about poor mental health I'd assume you were gearing up to take advantage in some way.

This is what I'm afraid they'll think 😢. But at the same time I don't want to live in what if. I'll never know how they truly feel if I don't reach out, I don't want to miss out on great friendships.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheGoldenNugget · 25/04/2020 09:56

@OhioOhioOhio I did OMAD/intermittent fasting.

OP posts:
PrivateD00r · 25/04/2020 09:58

I would move on and start looking for new friendships. They were just trying to help a neighbour in need, they didn't know you so there was no personal connection. There's lots of kind people around, I am sure you will come across more!

TwistyHair · 25/04/2020 10:00

I wouldn’t be suspicious at all! I think it’s a lovely thing to do. Just text and say you appreciated them making effort and hope they’re doing well. And then just leave it at that.

Helloitsmemargaret · 25/04/2020 10:01

I think it would be a lovely text to receive. Make sure you word it to be clear there's nothing 'in it' and then the ball is in their court if they want to respond. You might find they've always worried a little what was going on with you and it might help to put that to rest.

Louise91417 · 25/04/2020 10:04

Sounds like this is something you need to do...your ex neighbours sound like they were very caring people and are probably woundering how you are doing. I think they would be happy to here that you are doing well. You have an opportunity to do something nice..you have no alternative motive for reaching out just like your neighbour didnt when she reached out to you..as pp have said, explain as you have explained here and i think both parties will be happy contact has been made..

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