To reach out to my old neighbours who tried to befriend me?

[TheGoldenNugget]

I had two lovely neighbours, both tried to befriend me but I wasn’t in the right headspace, I suffered with depression and didn’t not like myself. I didn’t go out, hated the way I looked because of my weight and my marriage was suffering, so I had a lot on my plate. I was very insecure. Whenever they invited me to their house I would always make an excuse. But now I have lost weight, husband has moved out and I’m in a much better place.

They’ve both now moved last year, and I was thinking of reaching out to them, and suggest to meet once this is all over. I’m getting teary thinking about this, but one of them brought me food one day when they had a BBQ in their garden, I remember she hugged me and said ‘ I’m here for you if you need me’ I never spoke to her about my depression but it was obvious something was going on because they rarely saw me go out and if they did I must have looked in a right state. They’re just lovely, similar age with kids.

How would you feel if you were that neighbour and you suddenly got a text from me?

I'll never know how they truly feel if I don't reach out, I don't want to miss out on great friendships

I think you're already investing too much into this, it might never have led to great friendships. More like neighbours being neighbourly. It's great to get on with your neighbours and you could try that with your new ones. I imagine the old neighbours have moved on and are busy being neighbourly where they are.

I think it’s nice if you explain. If they are much older they’d probably love an update and to know you’re well. You could add that you haven’t forget their kindness and would love to offer them a coffee one day...

I would do it! What have you got to lose? I would send a message explaining that lockdown has given you a lot of time to reflect, and that you regret not having been in a better place to take them up on their kind offers at the time. Say you'd like to take them out for a drink when this is over, for a catch up and to say thanks.
Good on you OP for getting your life back on track, and all the best.

And honestly OP, what MarylandMayhem said wouldn't even cross my mind.
Don't worry so much

Maybe a thank you note or card to explain your previous situation and a request to keep in touch? Then the ball is in their court, and can get in touch if they’d like to?

@Dieu Thank you 😊. Feels so good taking back control of my life. I felt like I was in a black hole before that I was trying to get out of but couldn't.

What a lovely message to send

Agree. A thank you card maybe with your phone number included 'if they ever need anything' is a lovely gesture. Expect nothing and then the ball is in their court. They will probably text thanks and you can take it from there asking about them etc. If the conversation goes well keep it up and then maybe by the time lockdown is lifted you may be in a place with the friendship to suggest meeting up.

Thank you op. How did you keep focused?

As gently as possible, OP, I think you need to manage your expectations. They were two neighbours being kind to you, the situation was always unlikely to develop into the 'great friendship' you seem to be envisaging, but now they've moved away I think that ship has sailed for good. You mention they have children, they'll be busy with family life. By all means send a cheerful 'thank you for your kindness, hope you're doing well' text along the lines of those suggested above, but then forget about it and move on.

At first I thought it was nice but after reading the other messages I agree to leave it. It will seem rather odd, and the ship has sailed. Similar situation but I was going through depression when mine first started school, I was in a bad place and made no effort to make any friends so now I don’t know anyone at the school as I didn’t make an attempt to be friend people, (and tbh no one reached out to me either) but now I’m in a better place I see everyone has made friends and have their groups I wouldn’t try now, the ship has sailed.

They don’t live next door anymore so I would just concentrate on new friendships in all honesty they were probably only befriending you because you lived next door.

Why not just send a text/note explaining you were in a bad situation and how you really appreciate the fact they were kind to you and that you’ve always remembered it?

That way you’re not asking for anything back, just acknowledging their kindness and leaving the ball in their court. I’m sure they’d be pleased to know they helped you at a difficult time.

This, I think. Something to show their efforts were noticed and are appreciated, without asking anything of them that they may not want to give.