To not check for no stds

[arethereanyleftatall]

I know Aibu so my question is to really ask how many others don't either.
When you sleep with a new guy, do you ask/get them to prove they have no stds/hiv before you have sex with them without a condom?

I’m just about to get my tests redone - having to pay for it as the free service is out of action at the moment.

It’s £28 for chlamydia/gonorrhoea and about £100 to include HIV/syphilis/hep B/C

Is it worth me paying the extra money (which I don’t really have spare at the moment) for the other tests or is the risk of me having these things and not knowing them vanishingly low?

I have slept with one guy (unprotected) one time since my last test (clear).

Today 18:40happymummy12345

I never have, and I've never had sex with a condom either, never would. They said there was nothing to worry about, I've always just chanced it.

And that's why your username is happymummy12345 😂

I've never asked anyone to be tested either, likewise no one has ever asked me. With one night stands we both chanced it. With my previous long term relationships we talked about it, I trusted them and they trusted me, also with my husband I trusted him and he trusted me. I couldn't imagine asking someone I trust to prove it by getting tested. If they say no I'll believe them, like I'd expect them to believe me.
(The only time I've ever been tested was after I was sexually assaulted, because the police were involved).

I made one ex go for tests as he had slept with a working lady but everyone else was condoms unless I was their first.

Before everyone lays into me I knew nothing about the prostitution industry and have learnt since the women are very strict about safety.

@happymummy12345 But having an STI isn't anything to do with trust or believing someone. Most of the time people don't know they have them cos they have no symptoms. That's why you need the tests. Otherwise you have no idea if you have something.

I've just been reading up on that online @CrazyToast and apparently about 1in 7 people who have HIV don't know about it.

As to the why would you questions - caught in the moment/drunk/one night stand.

I have always asked boyfriends to do this.

To the OP, you can’t actually ask someone to prove they have no STIs, say today, as any test taken is just a snapshot of their status between about 2-12 weeks ago. STIs have a window period before they show up in any tests (see pic).

There are many people living unknowingly with STIs due to not getting tested - I would be too if I hadn’t taken myself to the GUM clinic, luckily I did and git straight onto treatment, so now no risk to anyone else.

Trust, while important, is not enough. STIs can be passed on to anyone, in all walks of life. They really don’t discriminate. Testing is free on the NHS, and there are many charities that also offer free testing, but can be dependant on where you live.

Thank you for that @HIVpos

Are you saying that if you get treatment for hiv, you can't pass it on?

@BooFuckingHoo2 what's the point in paying a fortune (that you don't have) for tests in the current climate. It's not like you're gonna be sleeping with someone new. Just wait until lockdown is over.

@arethereanyleftatall thank you - yes, correct. My viral load was undetectable within a month of starting meds. Rule of thumb is to be consistently UD for 6 more months just to be ultra safe, then unable to pass it on.

Testing is free anyway, I just go regularly myself and would ask someone I was exclusive with to get tested. The only STD you're at all likely to catch through vaginal sex is chlamydia and that's very easily treated, so I'm not militant about it.

I've always gone to be tested myself at the end of a relationship, 6 months later and/or when I start a new relationship, I've also always asked the man to get tested before we ever have sex. I've never had a man refuse tbf.

Before everyone lays into me I knew nothing about the prostitution industry and have learnt since the women are very strict about safety.

Depends on the women. I watched a documentary about a British red-light district. Most women working there were drug-addicts. No one mentioned testing, that I recall.

No, I haven’t done it (I’ve been with dh for 12 years but I mean before that). But I do work in sexual health now and my nearly 40 year old self would now, even though my 25 year old self didn’t always. There’s no shame in it and nowadays it’s so easy to do (much of it you can do self/online testing).

And yes, if you have HIV and you are on effective treatment, it’s impossible to pass it on. Most HIV transmission happens when people don’t know they are infected. (HIV specialist here). You can google U=U.

@happymummy12345 your attitude is almost unbelievable

@arethereanyleftatall of course I get tested and ask partners to get tested before going bareback. It's free on the NHS and you get a text confirming if you're free of STIs

I’ve only ever had condom free sex with dh and that was after we had been married for 5 years.

To be fair that was more because a pregnancy would have been a disaster than STIs but generally I don’t believe in taking risks with my health.

@CodenameVillanelle your attitude is extremely rude and judgemental. Reporting you for it. No need at all. I'm incredibly annoyed at you.

Why would you have sex without a condom? Let alone someone 'new'. Yuck.

Even if you are on the pill or whatever else, always use back up. Unless you are trying for a baby. In which case presumably you've known them a few years and it seems fine. But I'd still ask them to get tested just incase.

Hilarious

Thank you so much @mindutopia and @HIVpos

That has really put my mind at ease. I've only done it the once, but have been worrying about hiv, and, incorrectly, thought it meant I couldn't have sex again so as to not to pass it on.

I'll go and get tested once this whole shizzle dies down. I'm happy to see it appears to be the norm.

Why would you not test yourself before sleeping with someone new? How much does it cost the NHS to treat Chlamydia and HIV?

My area does postal STI tests - you do a vaginal swab and blood prick and they test for everything. It's so easy.

The only STD you're at all likely to catch through vaginal sex is chlamydia

Have you got a link to back this up? I'm interested to know how the rest of them are spread if they're very unlikely to spread vaginally.