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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - garden fence issue would you do it anyway?

50 replies

shamelesschocaholic · 24/04/2020 18:10

So, we moved into our forever home around three years ago. We are in a semi and our neighbours are older (70s) and have lived in the house since their children were babies. We moved in and so far have got on fine, don't think our kids annoy them too much!

The issue is the shared fence - we've just finished having an extension done on the house which has taken the back of our house level to theirs (they already had an extension at the rear). The shared fence is low, probably about 4ft. It didn't bother me before as I felt we had some privacy as we were set further back.

However, now whenever I walk out the back door the fence is below chest height so I feel like we are in the garden with them! I need to get the fences changed anyway on both side (i.e. the shared side and the side with an alleyway) as we have dogs and because they are both falling down.

I've had a quote and I'm more than happy to pay for both sides. I mentioned it to the neighours the other say that I'm getting them changed and she asked how high. I said 6ft (that way they won't be able to see right into my kitchen/dining/living area when they are in their garden). She wasn't happy and said no way, it needs to be same height so they dont' feel penned in and that they have lived here a long time. They told me the middle fence is actually theirs and not shared.

What do I do? I really want privacy and want high fences but I don't want to fall out with my neighbours. AIBU?

OP posts:
RuthW · 24/04/2020 18:12

Just put it up but make sure its on your side.

PrimalLass · 24/04/2020 18:13

You might have to just plant some high bushes. Or put in some 6ft trellis behind the fence.

Suchawitch · 24/04/2020 18:14

Could you compromise and have one 6 ft panel by the house for privacy and have the rest at 5 ft?

PrimalLass · 24/04/2020 18:14

Like this.

AIBU - garden fence issue would you do it anyway?
shamelesschocaholic · 24/04/2020 18:15

Suchawitch - they sit right outside the back door so that's where they don't want it high. I did think about that!

OP posts:
artistformerlyknownas · 24/04/2020 18:15

You can't do it anyway if they own the fence (www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/problems-where-you-live/if-you-disagree-with-your-neighbour-about-a-wall-or-fence/). Talk to her again about your concerns (privacy, dogs escaping etc). You could maybe come to a compromise involving trellis or plants.

shamelesschocaholic · 24/04/2020 18:19

Sorry should have said I know I can’t just change it if it is there fence (not clear from plans) but I can put a 6ft fence next to it on my land. Just not sure I have balls to do so!!

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 24/04/2020 18:20

Just stick up a 6ft fence beside the existing one of your land. You could say "Look I plan to put one up on my land either way so it is happening, replacing the fence will probably look better from your side but it won't look different from my side either way so it's up to you, let me know before I go ahead"

LochJessMonster · 24/04/2020 18:21

You can put your own 6ft fence your side of their fence. It’ll take a few inches from your garden but give you the privacy you want.

Windyatthebeach · 24/04/2020 18:21

Do it do it.
They have no say in how you live your life..
You don't want spied on. Simple.

midwesteaster · 24/04/2020 18:23

Honestly I would do what calmdownjanet suggests.
That way you get a fence either way but they get a chance to have some control as well.
I wouldn't want a 4 foot fence either, good fences make good neighbors.

HildaSnibbs · 24/04/2020 18:23

I would talk to them or possibly write a letter explaining as politely as possible that you know they don't like the idea but you need privacy in your garden, and you will be putting the fence up on your side ... and then do it... we had low fences in our last garden when we first moved in and I hated it.

sittingonacornflake · 24/04/2020 18:23

What calmjanet said

Desperatelyseekingsummer · 24/04/2020 18:24

What about reed screening? That way there is less issue with light blocking etc. We’ve used it to make our garden more private without putting up higher fences. Bamboo also grows up quickly and is good to shield - but keep it in large pots as otherwise the roots can spread too far and it takes over.

We had the opposite issue - after we moved in our neighbours replaced the low fence with a very high one while we were on holiday! Everyone else has low fences on our road so I can hear them all chatting most days at the moment. Overall I am glad though as would find it very wearing to have to converse with neighbours as soon as I stepped out the back door every day. Also I think I would feel more worried about how noisy the kids are in the garden. Because of the big fence I don’t really care!

Boopeedoop · 24/04/2020 18:25

Put a 4ft fence panel up, on your side put a 6 ft trellis. Grow plants up it.

Louiselouie0890 · 24/04/2020 18:25

Just do it on your own just I would tell them before hand it might change there mind.

lynzpynz · 24/04/2020 18:25

Do what our previous home owners have done, we have a double fence at the bottom of the garden! This seems to have been because the neighbours ivy is rampant and it's eaten the old fence, I'm guessing they refused to cut it back or contribute to a new fence or something like that so my predecessor just built their own fence behind the ivy neighbours one on their land.

Admittedly the ivy is now attached to the new fence as well and they lost about 10cm of land into 'THE VOID' 😂 but at least I am at liberty to change it whenever I feel like it...

Your neighbour appears to not be open to any discussion and by saying its their fence anyway seem to be trying to prevent you having any say in the matter. I'd look up your local council for some specific advice on what you can do here and try to discuss again with the neighbours to find a compromise.

You could always suggest half and half i.e. taller near the house and lower at the other end of the garden so helps with privacy in house but they don't feel penned in all the way along? Not what either of you want but might save a falling out if that's a concern to you?

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 24/04/2020 18:26

Put it up on your land. Don't think there's anything they can do as long as it isn't over 6ft. (Well I think it's 6ft).

Mixingitall · 24/04/2020 18:26

I would totally annoy them leaving the fence and planting Bamboo all the way along the boundary. It grows and looks beautiful, moves nicely in the wind and makes a lovely noise.

Maltay · 24/04/2020 18:27

Put some privacy panels on top, get the Venetian ones they let light through but hard to see through unless you really peer

steppemum · 24/04/2020 18:27

I would talk to them again, mainly because you have to live next door to them.
Explain abou tthe privacy since the extension, make it - 'I'm sure you find it a bit instrusive too having our kids being able to see you' etc.

Give them a hint of your plans - Of course we could just put up a fence on our side, no reason why we can't, but we thought it would be better/nicer for you to look at to have it just one fence.

Then if they continue to say no, you just put your fence up.

One thing you could do so it isn't as heavy is have a 4 foot fence with a 2 foot trellis, and then grow a clematis (quick growing and pretty) up on to the trellis.

CandleNoBra · 24/04/2020 18:29

CalmdownJanet

Just stick up a 6ft fence beside the existing one of your land. You could say "Look I plan to put one up on my land either way so it is happening, replacing the fence will probably look better from your side but it won't look different from my side either way so it's up to you, let me know before I go ahead"

^^ this 100%

You’re privacy is not theirs to decide so giving them the choice of this is fair. But ultimately you should do it either way.

CandleNoBra · 24/04/2020 18:29

*your

Nottherealslimshady · 24/04/2020 18:30

Check the deeds, if it's not yours then put a 6ft one up just on your side of the existing fence. They cant stop you.

Puffinhead · 24/04/2020 18:33

Put it upon your side.