AIBU - garden fence issue would you do it anyway?

[shamelesschocaholic]

So, we moved into our forever home around three years ago. We are in a semi and our neighbours are older (70s) and have lived in the house since their children were babies. We moved in and so far have got on fine, don't think our kids annoy them too much!

The issue is the shared fence - we've just finished having an extension done on the house which has taken the back of our house level to theirs (they already had an extension at the rear). The shared fence is low, probably about 4ft. It didn't bother me before as I felt we had some privacy as we were set further back.

However, now whenever I walk out the back door the fence is below chest height so I feel like we are in the garden with them! I need to get the fences changed anyway on both side (i.e. the shared side and the side with an alleyway) as we have dogs and because they are both falling down.

I've had a quote and I'm more than happy to pay for both sides. I mentioned it to the neighours the other say that I'm getting them changed and she asked how high. I said 6ft (that way they won't be able to see right into my kitchen/dining/living area when they are in their garden). She wasn't happy and said no way, it needs to be same height so they dont' feel penned in and that they have lived here a long time. They told me the middle fence is actually theirs and not shared.

What do I do? I really want privacy and want high fences but I don't want to fall out with my neighbours. AIBU?

Check the deeds, if needed it would be worth getting a solicitor to make sure. If it's yours I'd out a 5' fence up and a foot of trellis.

If it's their side, then you could just do that on your side without affecting their fence. Either way I think you're about to fall out over it

You'll put it up on your side. They'll take theirs down and gain a foot of extra garden!

I think 4ft fence plus 2ft trellis is the best compromise.

How about a 4 or 5 ft fence and put a trellis on the top? that way it will feel higher?

I’d just go with what has been suggested ie tell them it’s happening whether it’s a replacement or your own sitting alongside the existing one . There is no way I could only have 4 or 5 ft fencing , ours is all about 6’6” .

I am your neighbour in this situation. My preference would be if you added a hedge or bushes either behind or instead of the fence which would be kept low. Greenery is nice and lets light through. Fences quickly get horrible and block light and are utterly miserable close to windows. Trellis feels like prison bars. She may feel differently.

Why not send her a few pictures of alternative ideas you would be happy with and ask what she would prefer? Try not to fall out it is not fun!

I’d try and come to a mutual agreement.
Just putting up a 6ft fence when you know for a fact it will bother your neighbours is pretty shitty. They will rightly think, why did you ask if you did not give a shit about their opinion or needs?

There is a lot of room between 4ft and 6ft to come to an agreement that will keep the peace. A 4ft fence with a decorative 2ft top that is lattice work. A 5ft fence. Imposing a 6ft fence on them is just as unreasonable as them imposing a 4ft fence on you. You share the boundary so should try and be in agreement about what form it takes.

I agree with the 4ft fence with trellis in top. You could then plant lots of climbing plants or hedging shrubs along it to give you extra privacy.

A compromise would be their permission to attach a trellis to the top of the fence, and you growing something fast growing up it. Evergreen and flowering, would be my preference. Clematis Montana (fast growing) or jasmine? These will grow in pots too if you don’t have a bed next to the fence.

Our last house was a semi with a fence between our patio and our neighbour’s. It was about 3 foot 6 inches tall. They spent all day every day out there from April to October, the chap often topless. They didn’t mind, but I didn’t like the intrusion. We bought three massive pots and grew euonymus in them and didn’t prune them. They acted like a shrubby hedge.

I'd explore why they wouldn't want a higher one and if they won't budge then say for security reasons you've decided to have 6ft all round but not to worry as you won't be replacing theirs, it'll all be on your side.

The trouble with greenery is that it takes up quite a lot of space.
A hedge tall enough to be 6 feet is bushy and wide at the base. If you have a wide garden and plenty of space, that's great, but if not you will lose a lot of space to the hedge.

The exception would be a climbing plant on the trellis, where you can get the height from the frame of the trellis. But it won't be a complete wall. There are always some gaps in a plant, so it does depend how much you want to block

Do you think you might block some light to the place where they like to sit (by their back door)?

I realize from your perspective you want complete privacy but I know this 'desire' can lead to 'blocking out light' for your neighbours.

Where I live (a terrace) the houses weren't built with 6ft fences just low walls, possibly with the assumption that neighbours would occasionally interact with each other. I've lived in many places with similar waist high fences and walls - and it's not been a problem - you just engage in neighbourly etiquette.

My very nice neighbours next door installed a lovely 6ft fence on their side - to preserve their privacy no doubt - unfortunately their 6ft fence equates to a 10ft fence my side and I literally lose hours of sunlight each day because of it. If it was a bit lower they'd get more sunshine and light in the mornings - but 'privacy' is paramount after all.

Maybe if it wasn't their 2nd/holiday/investment home they might have a better understanding eg: growing plants, etc - but they're rather nice neighbours to have so I'm averse to making an issue of it.

I do know that if I erected a similar fence on the other side I would be spreading the misery and depriving my neighbours to the other side of the light they currently enjoy.

It's just a 'gap' in your privacy OP - it really can't be that big a deal, if it really is, just grow some seasonal plants up that bit - like sweet peas or runner beans - on some chicken wire; or a climbing rose like Arthur Bell (yellow) or Dublin Bay (deep, vibrant Red - great for shady areas).

It isn't necessary to block out the light completely with a fence - and have a bit of heart for your 70+ neighbours who seem to enjoy their backdoor step sitting - give and take is what makes the world go round.

The side theirs put the fence up inside your garden. They can’t stop you

I would ask them if there is a compromise that they are willing to accept that affords you privacy? Perhaps suggest the trellis with climbing plants, if they are stubborn about it then you will have to decide if you can do without your neighbours goodwill.

@HateIsNotGood. Totally disagree with you. Everyone is entitled to use their garden without being overlooked or feeling they can’t go out. I would hate it if I opened my back door and saw the neighbours sitting in their doorstep and watching everything I do. If they can’t get sun at the back foot, then they can move down the garden can’t they

The fence in question is literally falling down bits held together with cable ties. When the lockdown ends and our extension is 100% finished and decking done I’ll have another chat as then they will see how low it would be if we replaced at same height. Not sure if I mentioned, they happy for me to replace but only if same height?

Then if they still say no I will do what calmdownjamet recommends and say well it’s happening so can either get rid of your crappy one or sit next to it but politely of course!

Thanks everyone

Yes Chloe - I understand that your pov is very relevant, has merit and is currently the prevalent stance.

I'm all for the it's your right, your fence, your garden, your privacy kind of thing but in the case the OP describes it's a gap. Just a Gap.

Not a great gaping hole in a non-fence that doesn't exist.
Just a little Gap - maybe the OP could turn it around and say "Morning" or similar each time she passes The Gap and maybe
the neighbours will be so affronted by this invasion of their privacy that they might block The Gap themselves.

:)

Who gets the sunshine? Does a higher fence mean they get less sun?
I’d do the fence at the same height and get a potted tree.

Bang up a 6ft fence. My bloody neighbour talked me out of a high fence and a) I still don't like my garden being so open and b) they've been a pain in the arse about other things now.I should have put my foot down that first week.
Don't give in to them.

The maximum permitted fence height is 2 m - 6'6".

Just tell them your putting up a 6ft fence. Thatbypir happy to replace the fence that's there or you will put in next to fence that's there - their choice but it's happening

just do it - years ago my stupid husband agreed to a lower fence without consulting me because nosey neighbour wanted it. it made life hell for years and spoilt our enjoyment of the garden till they moved and new neighbours came and we put it to 6ft quickly before they got settled and we had to ask them

Someone above said it’s a gap, it’s not a gap it’s a low fence all along the garden. When the extension patio finally finished we will be even higher up so it will prob be above my waist and well below shoulder height.

The garden is south facing so can’t see fence would make any difference to sun but they say they like to look in our direction at trees in distance and will feel hemmed in.

You’re privacy is not theirs to decide so giving them the choice of this is fair. But ultimately you should do it either way. But if you go by that argument, their desire not to be penned in is not OPs to decide.

Can you compromise at 5ft? That's about eye height (or above) for most 70 year olds, so would give you your privacy, but might not make them feel so penned in?