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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Crying baby: what would you do?

43 replies

IrisAtwood · 24/04/2020 11:58

A neighbour’s young baby is screaming and crying hysterically most of the day. I mean really hysterical gasping screams.

Occasionally I hear Mum singing and dancing to entertain the baby, which makes it scream more, and she just carries on.

Is this normal? I know babies cry and some more than others, but this is really hysterical screaming.

I don’t know the family as they have recently moved in.

OP posts:
cherrybunx0 · 24/04/2020 12:46

my baby cries hysterically sometimes too - some babies do cry more than others. not sure what you're asking - you say you've heard mum singing and dancing to baby but baby is still crying. baby could have reflux/not be very well there is loads of reasons.

are you suggesting you think the baby is being abused or?

IrisAtwood · 24/04/2020 12:51

I just wondered wonder there was anything going on in terms of neglect. I’ve only heard her singing twice, but the baby has been screaming like this for almost a week now. I know because I am in the garden most of the day.

OP posts:
Toastiemaker · 24/04/2020 12:55

My DD cried for 4 months - it was reflux. The mum isn't singing all the time as she's probably also crying (I know I was!)

Namey32 · 24/04/2020 12:56

What would I do? Thank my lucky stars it's not me this time and take my neighbour some chocs round to make her feel a bit less shit. Like mine did for me after a particularly be bad week of teething last summer.

Therabble · 24/04/2020 12:57

Could you pop a note and a bar of chocolate round saying something like "Just wanted to offer you some moral support, it must be really stressful for you being on lockdown with a small baby. Let me know if there's anything I can do to make your life easier."

mynameiscalypso · 24/04/2020 12:58

Poor baby and poor mother. I third the idea of some chocolate.

KatnissMellark · 24/04/2020 12:58

Ergh, my little boy was like this. I tried everything to make him stop/cheer him up. It was allergies. Expecting number two now and hoping for a happier baby Blush

dontdisturbmenow · 24/04/2020 12:58

Yep, I had two like this. Suffered from colic that nothing soothed. It lasted until 10 weeks with the first, 4 months with the second.

It's horrible, it is hell for the neighbours.

BadgertheBodger · 24/04/2020 12:59

Yeah mine screamed near continuously for about 5 months with reflux and lactose intolerance. It’s totally shit. My lovely neighbour brought some cake round and walked up and down the garden with him for an hour while I sat and had a cup of tea and went for a shower. I’ve never been so grateful to anyone in my life! Can you go and knock on and see if she’s ok? Standing well back of course.

ParkheadParadise · 24/04/2020 12:59

My sister had a baby like that. He cried for a full year. Everytime she came to my parents house dd would run away shouting " oh no the crying baby's coming"
He still eventually stop, but it nearly broke her.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 24/04/2020 12:59

My niece was a cryer.
I know of babies who have cried with bad reflux/ milk allergies that cried a lot.
Please don’t assume neglect or be anything other than supportive.

Wannabangbang · 24/04/2020 13:01

My second born was a crier, sometimes you get a crier sometimes you don't it's one of those things they grow out of it eventually. I feel for your neighbour, i don't really think theres any point in you assuming it's neglect and the poor woman is probably going through enough without you snooping

Sorocknroll · 24/04/2020 13:02

I get so paranoid when my baby is having a breakdown and we are outside or the door is open.

My baby just doesnt like being out of my sight/put down for a length of time/hungry for a nanosecond/me peeing/me tending to the toddler / me taking a drink of my tea.

The other day my toddler was tantrumming, baby was crying... what did I do... sat on the floor laughing and crying.

Maybe put your head over the fence and ask if they need anything? Even a cup of tea and chat over the fence?

gamerchick · 24/04/2020 13:03

My youngest came out screaming and didn't stop for a few years. The baby days we're very stressful as he screamed unless being fed. I used to sing just to block him out.

Sometimes they just do that. Can be reasons for it or they're just miserable buggers who didn't like being babies.

Doesn't mean there's neglect going on, it sounds as if she's doing her best.

LaurieMarlow · 24/04/2020 13:04

please don’t assume neglect or be anything other than supportive.

This

My friends baby once cried for 24 hours solid. He was a nightmare for the first 6months. Reflux. Her mental health was in utter tatters. She’s still not over it 6 years later.

If someone had stuck their oar in in a way that wasn’t 100% supportive I don’t know what it would have done to her.

BumTitTit25 · 24/04/2020 13:04

Bless her... definitely go with the supportive note and chocolate!

Bluecushioned · 24/04/2020 13:10

You could be my neighbour...my baby cries a lot and I do think people may wonder why I'm being a rubbish mum when he is screaming the house down.
I second the posters who suggest popping some chocolate and a note through her door so she knows she isn't alone. It is really tricky at the moment as bar a daily walk, the baby is stuck indoors everyday. I appreciate babies don't care about seeing people or going out when they're young but there are only finite activities you can do with a baby when stuck at home. Add the fact they could be a rubbish sleeper, refluxy, teething etc causing extensive crying.

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 24/04/2020 13:13

When mine is screaming for no identifiable reason i try everything.

I cuddle her, i bounce her up and down, i shush-pat her, i sing to her, i talk to her, i show her toys, i rattle things for her, i hold her teething toys in place for her to chew, i make her soft toys “talk” to her, i offer her a breast feed, i offer her the other breast if she refuses the first one, i sometimes make her a bottle, i change her nappy incase she’s uncomfortable, i make sure any nappy rash has cream on it, i take her temperature, i put ambesol liquid on her gums if she has rosy-red teething cheeks, i give her calpol if she has a temperature, i check her fingers and toes for any hair-tourniquets, i rub her tummy in circles and cycle her legs to relieve any constipation, i hold her “standing up” to look around, i hold her “sitting up” when her legs collapse from standing, i cry a lot, very quietly so i hope she doesn’t notice, i promise her that if i could just work out what was wrong i would do anything to fix it but i just don’t know what is wrong, i wish for both our sakes she had someway to communicate what is wrong, and i cry some more and then i do all the things above again and again and again, all day, every day.

You wouldn’t hear most of them, and when you do hear my singing please know that i’m doing it in the desperate hope that it will make the person i love most in the world happy for a few seconds, and i’m not going to give up on that just because you think i am neglecting my baby, but thanks for making a situation that is already beyond hellish even more shitty with your ill-informed judgments.

AwkwardAsAllGetout · 24/04/2020 13:19

My baby is a crier, she’s just turned one. I dread to think what the neighbours think, I really do. She had awful screaming colic from birth and has a milk allergy and just seems to have a grumpy temperament. This week is bad as she’s teething and feeling poorly from her jabs. In normal times I’d definitely say to offer a hand if you could, even just to take the baby while she showers. Though I’m not sure I’d see this as a judgement and make me feel worse. If you want to do anything at all, make sure she knows you’re coming from a place of wanting to support and help rather than judge or criticise, i cannot tell you the hammering my mental health has taken from having such an unhappy baby

fedupwiththisshitnow · 24/04/2020 13:23

DS went through a phase as a baby of crying for 2-3 hours solid every evening. It was horrendous. He wasn't put down at all during the time he was crying- he just wouldn't stop.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 24/04/2020 13:23

IDK, in normal times probably knock on and say, do you want me to hold the baby for a while whilst you have a sleep/ go for a bath/ whatever, commiserate with her and offer her a go of the sling that would sometimes (sometimes) get ds3 to stop fecking crying and go to sleep. These days probably leave a care package on the doorstep with a note saying if she wants a chat to shout over the fence sometime.

Honsandrebels · 24/04/2020 13:25

Ooh my second was a dreadful crier. People used to put notes of support in the letterbox, she was famous all through the village for her crying. I still think of that kindness people showed- it’s great that you are noticing and wondering op, perhaps reach out gently as others have suggested?

sonypony · 24/04/2020 13:31

No it's not normal. My first child was like this. He had sleep apnea and severe reflux. He was in pain all the time and when he did manage to drop off the sleep apnea work him up. The maximum amount of time he occasionally managed was 2 hours of sleep until he was over 3 and they finally operated. It was unbearable and I ended up having a breakdown. I'm still not the same person I was. I would think if it was neglect you'd more likely not hear the baby at all as it would have learnt not to bother crying as no one comes.

Pinkchicken85 · 24/04/2020 13:31

My son screamed every evening when he was 4 weeks to three months old. He screamed for hours, it almost broke me. We tried everything from probiotics, infacol, chiropractors, midwives, GP to baby gaviscon. We even brought him to A&E one day when nothing would calm him down... god I don’t miss those days at all.
Knock on her door and ask her if she’s ok. Ask if she’s spoken to the doctor about reflux.

mumwon · 24/04/2020 13:36

colic nothing you can do but cuddle pat etc etc thye will stop when they will stop - as an excm when I use to hear poor dm with db screaming like this - I use to think "thank goodness its not me" & smile at the dm

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