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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send bored 16 year old on a job with DH?

55 replies

abdeether · 23/04/2020 09:54

I know it would be breaking restrictions but we had a huge blazing row last night and we really need a break from each other. And the toddler has woken up with a vomiting bug.

DH is an essential worker and today his job is 150 miles away. He’s going at 11 and won’t be back until tonight. DD is bored shitless and says she needs a change of scenery.

WIBU to suggest she goes with him on the job? She is as sick of me as I am of her so I think she may agree. She’d stay in DH’s work van the entire time while he’s working etc so she wouldn’t be interacting with anybody other than DH. She gets on with DH (her stepdad) and I think some space from me and the 2 year old will do her good.

OP posts:
millymaple · 23/04/2020 09:55

Sorry no, she can’t. Send her out to get some exercise instead?

Sweetandawfulsour · 23/04/2020 10:01

Hmm explain that one to the rozzers.
No, if you can’t act like her mother and address the issue then you can at least act like an adult and go about your daily business with her

Original poster
abdeether · 23/04/2020 10:02

We live in a town centre flat so there’s not really anywhere to go for a walk. Right near the train station as well so lots of doctors and nurses coming to and from shifts etc about.

If I did send her with DH it would be a one-off.

OP posts:
millymaple · 23/04/2020 10:02

Also what message do you think you are sending your daughter if you break restrictions in this situation?

What do you expect her to say if police ask why she’s sat in the van?

Rosebel · 23/04/2020 10:03

No she can't and surely would be equally bored sat in a van waiting for her step dad to finish work.

Sweetandawfulsour · 23/04/2020 10:05

You can take some time do break the monotony of being in a town centre flat.
I’d take a couple of deep breathes and tackle the issue at hand. Once all is said and done suggest she takes the toddler out for a walk. That gives you some time to glug a bottle of vino or take a walk yourself.

mum11970 · 23/04/2020 10:05

Can’t see a problem with her going for a ride. She already mixes with her father and isn’t going to be mixing with any other households and the van is going anyway, so not a non-essential trip. It would actually come under medicinal for mental health to be honest. The police would much rather a stressful situation was de-escalated in this safe manner than any other way.

BigBairyHollocks · 23/04/2020 10:06

I disagree with the others.Sitting in the work van is the same as sitting in the house if she isn’t getting out of the van.Use some common sense people.In the unlikely event that he’s stopped by the police then tell the truth,if they don’t like it then just accept any fine.But no-one can say this is creating risk for your DD,your DH or anyone else.

AvoidingRealHumans · 23/04/2020 10:07

Yes, I would let her go.

onanothertrain · 23/04/2020 10:08

TBH I don't see the issue with this from a risk point of view, she's not coming in contact with anyone else but it is against the guidance

Mrsjayy · 23/04/2020 10:10

I would let her go the "rules" state you can go and stay with somebody else after an arguement for a cooling off period, she is sitting in a van with her phone it is fine.

GreenTulips · 23/04/2020 10:10

Where would she use the toilet? Get food? What would happen if the van broke down or was in an accident?

What essential work is your DH doing 150 miles away?

BarbaraofSeville · 23/04/2020 10:12

Is your DH employed or self employed? If he's employed, it might break company rules/insurance for him to take a child to work with him.

If he's self-employed, could it be argued that she could be helping him work - pass him tools, hold a ladder or whatever?

It's not a straight yes or no, this one.

aquamarine1 · 23/04/2020 10:12

Yes I would absolutely let her go.

Mrsjayy · 23/04/2020 10:14

What essential work is your DH doing 150 miles away?

My dh did essential lone work 90 miles away from home yesterday I went sat in the car his job took half an hour it was a dull but essential job.

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 23/04/2020 10:14

I don’t see the issue with this. I am in the vulnerable category and absolutely climbing the walls, I have been going in the car with DH when he goes to do the weekly shop (staying in the car) and drops it off at the IL’s and DF’s (I still stay in the car).

It does my MH the world of good to get out of the house, I’m not interacting with anyone so there’s no harm.

Veganella · 23/04/2020 10:14

What does he do?
Wouldn’t your kid get bored of just sitting in a van all day?

FirmlyRooted · 23/04/2020 10:14

I say go for it. Mental health is important and if a day spent in her dad's van will help both you and her get through it, it's not such a bad thing to do. These are extreme circumstances and you have to what you can to survive and stay sane.

As a one off and assuming you abide by the rules otherwise, I would send her.

BarbaraofSeville · 23/04/2020 10:14

What essential work is your DH doing 150 miles away

Work that he can't do at home, given that it's located 150 miles away and involves a van, which implies installation or fixing of something physical.

Work doesn't have to be 'essential' to be done away from home, the rule is that you can still travel to whatever work you do, if you cannot do it from home.

ilovesooty · 23/04/2020 10:17

I'd also wonder how she would access the toilet during a trip of that length.

Greenmarmalade · 23/04/2020 10:19

I would let her go.

Mrsjayy · 23/04/2020 10:19

Suppose there is the toilet issue.

Traviis · 23/04/2020 10:19

I’d let her if it’s ok with any employers and insurance.

WhyCantIthinkOfAgoodOne · 23/04/2020 10:21

I'm kind of torn as I don't see what harm she'd be doing in a van but - how would she go to the loo etc? Also if she was literally satin a van all day wouldn't she be even more bored than if she just sat in her room?

SandyY2K · 23/04/2020 10:22

Let her go.