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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send bored 16 year old on a job with DH?

55 replies

abdeether · 23/04/2020 09:54

I know it would be breaking restrictions but we had a huge blazing row last night and we really need a break from each other. And the toddler has woken up with a vomiting bug.

DH is an essential worker and today his job is 150 miles away. He’s going at 11 and won’t be back until tonight. DD is bored shitless and says she needs a change of scenery.

WIBU to suggest she goes with him on the job? She is as sick of me as I am of her so I think she may agree. She’d stay in DH’s work van the entire time while he’s working etc so she wouldn’t be interacting with anybody other than DH. She gets on with DH (her stepdad) and I think some space from me and the 2 year old will do her good.

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 23/04/2020 10:22

Would she be insured if he had a road accidental the way?

BikeRunSki · 23/04/2020 10:24

Suppose there is the toilet issue.

Is it a welfare van?

WilburIsSomePig · 23/04/2020 10:25

Once all is said and done suggest she takes the toddler out for a walk.

The toddler has a vomiting bug.

SistemaAddict · 23/04/2020 10:25

It's been pointed out many times about the potential strain on emergency services and hospitals should there be an accident. It is not essential that she goes and it is putting her at risk. They will need to stop at services for the toilet, possibly for food unless taking enough supplies. What if she is brewing the same bug as your toddler? That would be horrendous on a long journey in a van. If your toddler has picked up a stomach bug then someone has brought that bug into your home or they have picked it up out and about. Stay at home seems to be such a difficult concept for many people. I have three dc aged 13,11 and 5. They are sometimes bored and when they are they find something to do or I find them something to do. Boredom won't kill her, coronavirus could. Parent your child.

copycopypaste · 23/04/2020 10:27

I had the same conversation with my dh about our dd. He's a truck driver so she'd stay in the cab the whole time. He has seen other people with kids in the cab. We decided it wasn't worth the risk

vanillandhoney · 23/04/2020 10:28

She's 16 - why can't she just go out for a walk or go and sit in her room?

perniciousdot · 23/04/2020 10:29

I know it would be breaking restrictions but

Hmm

See all this 'I know the rules, but' nonsense, just give it up. You are not special. You are not an exception. Just follow said restrictions.

Find her something to do at home. A decorating project or similar that will encourage her to be pro active. She can also go out for a walk. You can't expect to break the guidelines because you argued.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 23/04/2020 10:30

No

perniciousdot · 23/04/2020 10:30

We live in a town centre flat so there’s not really anywhere to go for a walk. Right near the train station as well so lots of doctors and nurses coming to and from shifts etc about.

Eh? Of course she can walk.

TooTrueToBeGood · 23/04/2020 10:31

If she is bored shitless and needs a change of scenery there must be countless better solutions you can come up with than to have her sitting in a van for a day. She'll still be bored out her tits and one day is completely pointless as we are going to be living with some level of social distancing and other restrictions for quite some time. I'd spend some time with her looking at all the various options for things that might keep her occupied (exercise, online learning, a new hobby) and find something for her to try.

Chocolatecakeandpinkcustard · 23/04/2020 10:33

What essential work is your DH doing 150 miles away?

What kind of a stupid question is this?

diddl · 23/04/2020 10:34

Why is she bored shitless?

If you are stuck with an ill toddler can she do a shop?

Go for a walk/bike ride?

Read a book?

IAmReportingYouForBBQing · 23/04/2020 10:35

Tell you other half to pay her a few quid, then it's work and none of the Pearl clutchers can complain.

Or as others have said, just let her go. It's an essential journey as your other half can't work from home. The guidelines ( not laws) say that is OK to leave the house to cool down after an argument. They say that mental health is important too. And you can drive to exercise if the exercise is longer than the drive. So she CAN go, and then go for a walk while she is there. Of course she can go. And for the people morning about emergency services, she is just as likely to be injured at home as in a a vehicle.

Half Of the people that are commenting haven't even read the legislation and are making it up.

ANoiseAnnoys · 23/04/2020 10:35

My dd and ds (16) have been to work with their dad. He’s working alone in his office as his staff are wfh and they have gone to help him with filing/tidying the office. Don’t see the harm at all, they don’t interact with anyone and dh is allowed to go to work so would be driving there anyway.

You would have to have an excuse ready in case he was stopped by police though, although I really doubt they’d care if he just said his dd was helping him with work.

Do what you think is sensible OP - don’t come on mumsnet asking for advice as the “BUT ITS AGAINT THE RUUUULES”!!! Brigade will pile on and hector you.

AmelieTaylor · 23/04/2020 10:35

I wouldn't let her go, so much as pack her into the van irrespective of whether she wants to go or not.

Presumably the OP's DH is an actual adult he can arrange food for two as well as he can for one. Make sure she has disinfecting wipes and properly wipes door handles & taps if she uses any toilets.

Going 150 miles for an job' seems a bit unreasonable though. Surely there's someone more local who could do the job?!

I'm sorry you're stuck in a city flat with a teen & a toddler (especially
one with a bug) sounds like hell 🌷

Hope you're all feeling a bit better by tonight!

Chocolatecakeandpinkcustard · 23/04/2020 10:40

Going 150 miles for an job' seems a bit unreasonable though. Surely there's someone more local who could do the job?!

My god some people really do live in their own bubble don't they?

My dh business covers an area spanning hundreds of miles over a number of regions.

I'd love to see them telling their customers to get someone more local to do it hahaha.

People can't just stop working ffs, there are bills to pay and there's no alternative.

Here in the real world not everyone can be 'furloughed' and sit on their arse getting paid. Many of us are still working..

Mrsjayy · 23/04/2020 10:42

Going 150 miles for an job' seems a bit unreasonable though. Surely there's someone more local who could do the job?!

Probably not or he wouldn't be going.

Sweetandawfulsour · 23/04/2020 10:57
  • Once all is said and done suggest she takes the toddler out for a walk.

The toddler has a vomiting bug*

Call me a bad mum, but if my little one had a bug she’d still be in that pram getting some fresh air.

Ultimately it’s your choice whether or not you send her away for the day. The same atmosphere will no doubt still be there when she returns. She’ll still be bored for the remainder of the week and the following weeks.
It’s a nice sunny day. I don’t see how sitting in a van would be beneficial.

lowlandLucky · 23/04/2020 11:15

Let her go

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 23/04/2020 12:20

Is he self employed, or is it a company van that she shouldn't be in during working hours? I wouldn't expect the gas man to turn up with family members in a van and not sure how his work would feel, if applicable.

We all need to learn how to keep a safe distance from people. Get her to go out and practice whilst getting g some exercise.

callmeadoctor · 23/04/2020 12:28

The issue with avoiding travel is because of the risk of accidents etc, stupid idea to send her with him. And insurance wouldn't allow it anyway.

OnTheMoors · 23/04/2020 12:29

She can't go. This isn't a chance to ship her away because of an argument

MitziK · 23/04/2020 13:05

Used to do this with my older brother once a week. The change of scenery was enough for me to feel far better about being stuck in the house 24 hours a day for the rest of the summer holidays (my mother didn't allow me to leave the house alone under any circumstances).

Strangely, I didn't suddenly become incontinent as soon as I left my mother's supervision.

UnsureOfFuture · 23/04/2020 13:12

I'm unsure how the toddler has caught a bug?

But it shows that your family could be spreading something (stomach upset can be a symptom of corona)

I think allowing an additional member out of your house who could spread the illness is unnecessary risk.

RainMustFall · 23/04/2020 13:25

To be honest, if I was going to be bored, I would rather be bored in my own home than sat in a van all day. I don't see how that's a solution.

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