Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Leaving secondary school dc to get on with school work?

51 replies

awaywiththecircus · 23/04/2020 09:00

Two dc, year 8 and year 10. I do wake them up around 9ish but after breakfast I take their phones then direct them to their rooms and they start the work school has set. They are following their timetable so I know what subjects they are doing but basically just leave them to it. This was fine until yesterday I got a few messages from friends saying how tiring home schooling is, and then other mums posted the odd school related thing their dc have done on Facebook. Should I be more involved? They assure me they are doing the work and when I have walked in they are on the school website not gaming. I just feel guilty now.

OP posts:

WhyCantIthinkOfAgoodOne · 23/04/2020 09:04

Wow my kids are in primary and I've been leaving them to quite a large extent. My eldest is 8 and can basically log on and ask questions of his teachers if he doesn't understand. My youngest is 6 and she still reads to me and needs help printing things off sometimes but still mainly works independently. Some kids might need more prodding than others I guess. (My eldest is very lazy about handwriting so I have been checking he's bothering to try and write at least semi legibly).

dementedpixie · 23/04/2020 09:06

I don't even wake my kids up until lunchtime! Dd hasn't had any work as this was an exam year and they're not happening. Ds does bits of work in between gaming. I don't police him other than asking if he's done stuff. They are 13 and 16 (in Scotland so different year groups to England)

PleasantVille · 23/04/2020 09:06

Don't feel guilty, all of the people saying they are home schooling really aren't.

Of course you can leave secondary age children to get on with work set by their teachers.

lazylinguist · 23/04/2020 09:09

What you're doing is fine if your dc are able to work independently. Mine are too (yr7 and yr10). Imo giving them full responsibility for their work is an important part of the step from primary to secondary.

Dh and I are both teachers (and dh is Head of our dc's school and in charge of the distance learning), and we're doing exactly what you're doing (obviously we'll help if needed). It also enables us to stay in parent mode and not switch into teacher mode. We're doing plenty of other stuff with them, but they're in charge of getting the school work done.

Porcupineinwaiting · 23/04/2020 09:09

I think that, as long as they know you are available to help if necessary, then that's fine. My two have astounded me by how self-motivated and hard working they've been and they were completely left to it for the first 3 weeks because I was ill and dh was busy trying to wfh full time, take care of me and run the house (he should have asked them to do the third bit tbh). Mine are 12 and 14.

RedskyAtnight · 23/04/2020 09:09

I've been treating it like I treat homework - that I expect them to get on with it unless they are stuck when they can come and ask for help.

I'm finding this week that DD has more "new" work (last term it was mostly revision/recapping) so although the work is well defined by the school, she is sometimes struggling to teach herself, so I'm having to step in to (try to) explain things. It's having to intersperse work with helping the DC that's tiring. With younger children I wouldn't worry so much, but with secondary school children I don't think you can really just let them coast/do what they can.

ElloElloVera · 23/04/2020 09:14

DD year 9.
Totally leaving her to it.

Her school have been great though. They’ve set tonnes of revision online but told us all that emotional well-being is more important. That if they can do the work then fab but no judgement if not. They’ve also pointed out that no new learning is being given out - only revision. They’ve said they’ll catch them up when they return. I trust the school in this as they get very good results.

So I’m leaving DD to do as much or as little as she wants. Some days she does lots of work if she’s bored. Some days are spent pretty much on permanent FaceTime to friends. I trust her and the school on this and I know that if I added nagging to the mix she’d only become stressed and do less so it would be counter-productive.

scrappydappydoo · 23/04/2020 09:19

Same here op. Years 7 & 9 and I’ve just let them get on with it popping my head round the door occasionally to check they’re ok. I recognise that I’m lucky that they are motivating themselves though. But I’m baffled about how some of their friends parents are in a complete meltdown about how much work they as parents are having to do - I had a look at the work my yr7 has been doing and it’s pretty straightforward e.g watch a history video and answer questions on the content but so many parents seem to think they have to take it an extra mile and read around the subject and watch other documentaries - fine if you’re interested but to then to complain about how stressful that all is - that’s just ridiculous.

NewYearNewTwatName · 23/04/2020 09:22

It depends on the child, plus the way they have been taught to self regulate previously to lock down.

Mind are completely left to it, they do work when they choose during the day, if they have an online lesson then they get themselves up to attend it.

I have one year 10 and one in college.

when in years 7 and 8 They were given rough guidelines for setting time to do homework, we were available if they needed help. But never monitored how much work or quality got done. if they didn't do homework or its wasn't good enough, school disciplined them, and we would follow up with a suitable punishment at home, (loss of some screen time or something)

I haven't had anything to do with school work for years, both do well at school and college.

if you have stood over your DC for years making them do homework and setting strick times decided by you, then unfortunately its not going to be any different now they are at home all the time.

Grasspigeons · 23/04/2020 09:24

We are really blessed that my year 8 is very self motivated, he has a suitable workplace and his school are doing very well with the structure of remote lessons and support. So i dont have to do a thing!
I think it would be much harder if any of those things wasnt in place. A very anxious child or one that lacked motivation one thst struggled and was used lots of teacher support.
My other child is more challenging!

IHaveAMagicBean · 23/04/2020 09:25

It sounds like you have raised two lovely children op, capable of behaving and following instructions. I was impressed when you said you were waking them for a 9am start and they’ve been doing their work unsupervised. Don’t beat yourself up just because other parents have raised their offspring differently. I think you’re doing great.

BrieAndChilli · 23/04/2020 09:27

My year 7 and 8 are just getting on with it. They know to ask me or DH if they are stuck and we do check with them what they have done that day to make sure they are doing enough and not letting it pile up.
Year 4 I am sitting with while he does his work, one to help explain it and two to make sure he gets on with it otherwise he wouldn’t or would submit 1 word answers etc!

I am doing practical stuff with them in the afternoons - gardening/science experiments/music/board games/crafts etc

isabellerossignol · 23/04/2020 09:29

I'm staying well out of secondary school work. My daughter can sort herself out, and she knows the school will be in touch with me if she doesn't hand in her work. She's old enough to take responsibility for herself in this context. I never get involved with homework in normal times, I'm not doing it now.

hopelesschildren · 23/04/2020 09:32

Waking up dc at 9am would be a lost cause. Dd will emerge at lunch time, and my older dc will appear late afternoon, and does his work in the middle of the night.
I insist they do homework/schoolwork but they wouldn't let me have a look at it.

dancemom · 23/04/2020 09:33

Leaving DD14 to it.
Mornings are exercise and music practice then she does school work from 1pm till about 5pm each day.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 23/04/2020 09:35

I've been letting DD get on with it too. She knows what she's doing and if she needs help I'm there. I don't really understand why people are trying to emulate teachers. That's not what the point of this is, surely?

ReadilyAvailable · 23/04/2020 09:40

I’m leaving DS (10/Y6) to it. He can ask for help but he doesn’t need it.

It’s his work. I’m not sure me hovering over him is actually helpful.

TheOrigBrave · 23/04/2020 09:40

My 11yo yr6 has to get on with it (or not as the case may be) as I am working full time.
My work and the sanity of the household takes priority over his school work.
He's a very intelligent lad so I am not too concerned about him getting behind (they were basically just doing SATs prep at school anyway).

I am struggling mainly with him not being able to occupy himself in other ways. I have no devices between 9 and 3. He has plenty to do, he just doesn't want to do it.

TheOrigBrave · 23/04/2020 09:42

and I've muted the class whatsapp which is bordering on hysteria at times.

ShanghaiDiva · 23/04/2020 09:43

Dd is year 9 and we are on week 9 or 10 of online learning. We live in China, but not there at the moment so dd cannot attend any of the online classes, but teachers record them for her.
She is good at managing her time and I help with some subjects eg English as she has nobody to discuss the current set text with and also french grammar as she needs some extra practice and help.
Everything else she can manage on her own.
She prefers to get up late and goes to bed around midnight.

motherofawhirlwind · 23/04/2020 09:46

We're both working full time - DD has to work by herself mostly, and if she needs help it's usually after 6pm. She does need a lot of nudging to start and reminding to move on between periods but that's pretty sporadic depending on what we're doing.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 23/04/2020 09:52

Y8 and y10 here too. They're both up by 9 and getting on with whatever work has been set. We've only had one incident with new work in maths that needed explaining but I've just been leaving them to it. They aren't working in their rooms though as I didn't like the thought of them having to sleep in their if they've been working in there for a large part of the day. And I don't take their phones off them. Y8 is constantly on facetime with friends in her sets but they're working so I don't mind.

What work are these parents supposedly doing with their DC op??

Yerroblemom1923 · 23/04/2020 10:00

My dd year 6, age 11, enjoys the routine and normality of sticking to the 9-3.15 timetable. We get up at usual time, breakfast and dressed ready to crack on at 9am. I know I'm lucky that she is self-motivated and values her education. I feel for parents whose kids are struggling or hate school. I can't work at the moment as my job isn't possible to do from home so I'm on hand for help. She misses her friends and teachers, that's the worst part.

Original poster

awaywiththecircus · 23/04/2020 10:04

Thanks this is very reassuring.
I know one friend with dc the same age who sits with them all day getting completely involved in the work. She also makes them emulate a normal school day 9-3:45 with breaks and lunch at the same time. This also confuses me as my 2 have all their work done after 3-4 hours tops. I suppose friend must be exploring the topics more?

OP posts:

Whathewhatnow · 23/04/2020 10:11

Oh god yes to the class WhatsApp. I cant bear it.

Mine are doing their work independently, y7 and y4. At (nearly) 10 and 12 they should not need adults chivvying them along all the time. Notwithstanding children who have additional support in school of course.

Flip

1 2 3