Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving secondary school dc to get on with school work?

51 replies

awaywiththecircus · 23/04/2020 09:00

Two dc, year 8 and year 10. I do wake them up around 9ish but after breakfast I take their phones then direct them to their rooms and they start the work school has set. They are following their timetable so I know what subjects they are doing but basically just leave them to it. This was fine until yesterday I got a few messages from friends saying how tiring home schooling is, and then other mums posted the odd school related thing their dc have done on Facebook. Should I be more involved? They assure me they are doing the work and when I have walked in they are on the school website not gaming. I just feel guilty now.

OP posts:
Rosebel · 23/04/2020 10:12

Work seems to very a lot though. Some days my two are finished after 3 hours but the other day my Y 7 has nine pieces of work set. She doesn't get that much when she's at school.
Generally I leave them to it. Tbh I don't even understand some of the things my Y9 does, so luckily she rarely asks for help.

GoodMorningEveryone · 23/04/2020 10:15

Yr 7 & 9 here. Getting them up at 7.30am so we can all have breakfast together at 8. They are expected to start at 8.50am. DS (young Yr7) needs a bit of support occasionally - but we have tried to instil a bit more self-reliance as the days have gone by (reading the instructions twice, listing what he needs to do) so happy to help if he needs it. DD (Yr9) totally self-reliant.

Suggested break times of 11 and 1.30 (roughly around the normal timetable). Or that is how we started - this is flexible though.

Both have worked out if they crack on with their work they can generally finish at lunchtime and then the rest of the day is theirs. So to be honest it seems to be doing great things for DS re building that self-reliance and stopping his procrastination.

dementedpixie · 23/04/2020 10:17

I dont get up at 7.30am so there's no way I would be getting my kids out of bed at that time. Are you insane?!

bringonyourwreckingball · 23/04/2020 10:24

Mine are years 7 and 9 and have had to just get on with it as both DH and I are working long hours despite working from home. They know I’m available if they need help (and DH is assisting with tech support) but they’re both very self-motivated and independent anyway.
I don’t make them get up at a particular time but dd1 has been getting herself up to do PE with Joe Wicks every morning. They take breaks when they feel like it but they know what their deadlines are so managing their workload is up to them.

ineedaholidaynow · 23/04/2020 10:33

We are leaving DS(15) in Y10 to it. His school are doing a ‘live’ timetable so have tutor time at 8.15 and then normal lessons, with some breaks. He will ask if he needs help but as the teachers are available at lesson time he can ask them too.

Glassmami · 23/04/2020 10:38

I leave my dd13 to get on with her school work but she does it at the kitchen table whilst I help ds9 do his,he has the attention span of a fly so no chance of him being left to do it on his own.

Original poster
awaywiththecircus · 23/04/2020 10:46

@ineedaholidaynow that sounds really good almost like actually like being at real school. I’m a bit jealous!

OP posts:
Inconnu · 23/04/2020 10:46

I leave my 12yo and 14yo to get on with it, my 10yo needs more help though.

Billyeyelash · 23/04/2020 10:52

YANBU

I've 1been really impressed with my eldest Y10. He starts his school work at 9.00am (bribe for breakfast is a crossiant) and works until about 2pm - 3pm.

He tries to get ahead where he can to have Friday afternoon off.
My only interaction is to provide a mid-morning snack and lunch or locate missing protractors etc.
I'd be bloody useless sat next to him. He's way ahead of me in maths and science. I'd be a right hindrance.
Though I'm useful for planning English essays 😁

cooperage · 23/04/2020 10:56

My Y9 DS is at his desk by 9.15. I have a look at what has been set for the day and keep a vague eye on what he's submitting - because he sometimes "forgets" to submit work in subjects he doesn't like, so I have had to intervene there.

Does anyone know of a simple way to block access to Instagram and YouTube on his chromebook? He is easily distracted...

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 23/04/2020 11:00

DD year 8 is happily getting on with it, sometimes in a chat with her school mates.
DS year 10 is refusing to do anything. At all. Bit of music practice. I do not have the capacity or fortitude to battle him about it. His and my mental health and our relationship and household happiness is more important right now.
DS year 5 - bit of reading, bit of projects, bit of maths, long walks and chats.

If their entire education and future life chances are going to be destroyed by missing a term of schooling then my opinion is schools were not doing a very good job of it in the first place. I hope something that emerges from this is some lightening of the extraordinary uneccessary pressure to succeed....

GoodMorningEveryone · 23/04/2020 11:09

@dementedpixie no, not insane...DH & I both wfh so we both run before 8am and all have a leisurely breakfast together so we can all start work at 9-ish.

LadyofMisrule · 23/04/2020 11:09

2 at primary; 2 at secondary. I'm generally leaving them all to it unless they ask for help. The younger ones have needed materials for modelling stuff. One of the older ones needed help with a science experiment that involved burning stuff. Other than that, it's up to them.

haba · 23/04/2020 11:16

I get my Y9 DD up at 8:0, when I go upstairs to start work. She has asd, and needs the strong routine that her timetable provides, it's a great help to her emotional health. She studies by herself though, in a separate room (I have work calls, she has voice things for MFL etc) and I don't supervise her. However, this is how it is in term time too- she's very motivated with school work and does all homework etc, no prompting.
Sometimes she needs to discuss a concept she hasn't understood or get clarification on something, but that's fine, we do that in our breaks or lunchtime.

My Y6 DS is another matter though!

haba · 23/04/2020 11:18

We are sticking to usual bedtimes mostly though, as DH and I are WFH full time. Usually DD gets up at 6:30 so 8 is a big lie-in for her. She's enjoying that.

listsandbudgets · 23/04/2020 11:20

DD is in year 9 and just gets on with it as far as I can tell

DS on the other hand is 7 and in year 3 and it's a nightmare. He literally has to be supervised every moment. Its utterly exhausting and dispiriting.

BarkandCheese · 23/04/2020 11:23

I’m leaving my y7 to get on with it. She normally starts at 9am, works through to lunch, eats, we have a walk after lunch, she generally finishes by 3 if not earlier then we watch a movie. Sometimes she asks for help or feedback, but is mostly self sufficient.

The school have told them not to do more than five hours a day and if work is to be completed over a period of time they mustn’t push themselves to do it all in one go. It’s an all girls grammar school and I think they have more issues with the pupils having anxiety over school work and pushing themselves toward perfectionism than they do with pupils not doing work.

Lowprofilename · 23/04/2020 11:29

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

CameraObfuscated · 23/04/2020 11:45

It varies immensely from family to family, surely. My Y8 has a full timetable still and is very independent. My Y6 is coping well but I've taken him off schoolwork almost entirely, and he needs a tonne of support & micromanagement. I can and do provide because I'm not working at the moment. We are working on self management but it's a very long road.

It simply isn't the case that all secondary children, other than those who have a 1 to 1, can work fully independently and/or squeeze a full day's set work into a shorter time. If yours can then amazing, good for them. By all means leave them to it. But please don't judge families who are finding it harder. It's much like teaching them to read, or do homework or learn times tables - some children need a lot more support than others.

lazylinguist · 23/04/2020 11:51

Mine are supposed to start at 9:30, though we're not absolutely rigid about it, nor do we police breaks etc. We usually go for an hour to an hour and a half family dog walk after lunch, then the dc finish their work after that if they haven't already finished it in the morning.

The school is giving the kids a week off next week, with no new work set. This is to allow any kids who are struggling to catch up on anything they've not completed and to contact teachers for help etc. There will be suggested independent projects for kids who wants more stuff to do during that week (or whose parents want to keep them busy!).

MrsMigginsPie · 23/04/2020 11:55

To go against the general consensus we’ve been seriously struggling with my 2DS Y10 and Y7.

School has sent home copious, overwhelming amounts of work (esp for y10 as you’d expect) but basically they don’t know where to start or get stuck or need guidance very frequently.

My eldest lacks confidence and would rather gnaw his arm off then contact the teacher. And doesn’t find school all that easy anyway so it’s all an uphill battle.

My youngest is getting on with it ok.

My DH and I are working FT from home and having to take turns to be present to help with homeschooling. Not out of interest but because we have to otherwise they wouldn’t do it or would do it badly. And yes, we can instigate punishments and consequences but I think especially for my eldest the work they’re setting is beyond him. His school reports have been fine, but at parents evenings they do say he needs to put more effort in. I think a large part of this is laziness but a good part of it is self confidence.

It’s fab that everyone’s DCs on this thread are self sufficient - it’s the total dream - absolutely no need to feel guilty OP! That’s the position everyone aims for - self-sufficiency and independence, self motivation. But just wanted to post in case anyone else reading is really struggling!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 23/04/2020 12:11

YANBU- I have a Y7 and and Y5. I’m mostly leaving the older one to do her own thing although I check each day she has submitted anything she should have and asked her to contact me if she’s stuck or has tech problems. Younger one I’m keeping a bit more of an eye on as the work is more flexible and he’s downstairs so can ask me questions more easily.

Dogsaresomucheasier · 23/04/2020 12:30

I’m of the opinion it depends how confident you are that dc share your values regarding education. I know a lot of year 10s who can be trusted to get on with it, and a lot who can’t. I’ve been emailing a lot of parents this week to say that I’ve not been emailed work that I was expecting. Now, if your isolation experience is ghastly, (sick family members/juggling lots of siblings/limited WiFi and devices/money worries etc etc. I have every sympathy and of course you should prioritise what ever you need to...

But those kids I have to chase to finish things to an appropriate standard in school are still being sloppy about their work at home. There are a lot of them. If you suspect you have one of those, and you don’t want school closures to hamper their GCSEs, I recommend getting a bit more involved. One of the packages my school are using lets kids tick a box to say work is complete...sometimes their idea of complete and mine are rather different, and there is a significant minority who are ticking everything off for parents to see without actually doing it and then doing whatever they fancy.

Let’s not pretend some kids aren’t sneaky.

Rosspoldarkssaddle · 23/04/2020 13:02

Ds2 is at college. Chose a course which is practical. Now is very academic with a lot of assignments set each week and no breaks. He is expected to log on and say hi at 9.30 but could have been working on coursework until midnight because the teachers are not communicating and are setting loads of work each instead of planning their week together as they usually would. He has had no break. He has had three late marks because he has been up late struggling to meet all the deadlines. I leave him to it but it is clear the work is overwhelming him. He chose the course because of the practical element and struggles with written work so current situation is far from ideal.

Dontrainonmyparade · 23/04/2020 13:30

My expectation are:
Up by 10am
Shower once a day
Meals at regular times
2-4 hours work following whatever’s set by school.
Some help with entertaining pre schooler so I can work (max 1 hour per day)
Keep rooms tidy and clean them weekly
Phones down by 10pm (13 y/o) and 11pm (15 y/o). WiFi also goes off at 11pm.

My y8 child is independently getting on with what’s set, keeping normal times and meals, filling the rest of her day with Netflix, chatting to friends etc. My y10 is being a complete pita. We thought he was managing until we got an email from a teacher to say he’d missed deadlines. And so on and so on.

Cue lots of arguments here and an all round unpleasant atmosphere of distrust and (teen) aggression. I hope we might have made it clear now what’s expected but if it carries on he will be expected to work in the living room in front of me, every day.

In terms of work set I don’t get involved, I expect them to do it or seek clarification from the teacher if there’s anything they don’t understand.